03|Astrophile

Eda

"Eda dear come downstairs dinner is ready," I hear mom yell from my room. I put my bookmark in my book and quickly run downstairs.

"yayyy hungry," I say in excitement. I haven't put anything in my mouth sense the morning. I try not to eat a lot so I don't gain more weight than I already have. Although I don't eat I am still a bit fat. Which kind of surprises me I don't eat a lot but here I am with the thickest thighs and I was chubby too. Obvious chubby where if I wore a dress or jeans my stomach would show. But Mom says its okay as people aren't defined by what they look from the outside but we are defined buy our actions. I try to always remember these words but it's hard when I look at my self in the mirror and see a chubby girl who isn't very fit. I do workout but rarely it doesn't seem like it helps which makes me stop for a month than I get a burst of energy and workout but when I don't see change I stop and the cycle just never ends.

"Make?" I ask trying to get my mind off of things that only harm my mental health more than it already is harmed.

Mom gives me the look that I was very familiar with and I knew what it meant. I close my eyes and take deep breaths. Okay Eda let's try again I tell my self it shouldn't be hard this is your mouth just try again, and I do.

"What did you make," I say a little more confident this time with a smile.

"There you go kiddo I know you can do it and I made you your favorite, pasta with extra cheese," mom replies with a smile on her which makes me very happy seeing her happy.

I wait for Mom to sit down and take a bite of her food than I start eating after her. That's what I had been taught at other foster homes. You can't eat until the elders eat and you stop eating when they do or just tell you that you've had enough.

We finish eating dinner and I help Mom with cleaning the kitchen. After were both done cleaning we head to the living room and I take a seat on the couch and so does mom who had her laptop and paper work with her.

"Alright sweetie what do you wanna watch on TV."

"JEOPARDY," I yell in excitement while clapping my hands. That was one of the few things I can watch. I do have a computer in my room but I only watch what mom approves of. She monitors everything that I watch and read, I know it's the best for me so I don't argue. How could I? I should be thankful to have someone so sweet like mom who can handle a girl with a disorder.

Mom puts the show on and I start watching I notice that she gets up and heads to the kitchen.

"Ice cream bowl?" I ask. I loved Ice cream it was one of my favorite food along side pizza and nuggets and noodles oh yes and pasta, I like cookies and cakes too um Oh yeah and I also love too eat cupcakes.

"Just a second Hun," Mom responds and I just nod even though she can't see me. After a couple of minutes she comes in with a bowl full of ice cream that had strawberry,banana sprinkles and whip cream topping.

"YAY Thank you," I say as I kiss her on the cheek. She's the best!

"After your done eating and this episodes finishes I wanna talk to you about something important."

I just nod and go back to watching my show, at the corner of my eye I can see mom working on something she didn't look stressed though, it was one of the few times I see here smiling at her Laptop.

"Finish." I say.

"Okay great hun go put your ice cream bowl in the sink and than come back." I do as I am told.

"Back." I tell her as I sit down on the couch next to mom.

"Alright dear listen to me carefully so you know school will be starting real soon right." I just nod and give her a small smile. "Great so I did something and if you don't agree to it don't worry it's totally fine I can cancel it." She continues talking , "but the reason why I didn't ask for you permission because I wanted t surprise you so I am hoping that it is a good surprise." I look at her with a bright face still nodding,surprise? What could it be. A new stuffed animal,a book maybe some new equipment's for my gym in the basement. "I've noticed that over the years you've gotten way better at expressing your self especially now that your using that closing eyes and breathing method so I decided to take a very big step as I really do love you Eda and I feel like locking you in this house for all these years will do more harm to your speaking disorder than good,I thought maybe if you go out and talk to people you might slowly get even better. So that's why these past few days I've been getting your papers ready so you can start going to...School. I stare at her for a good minute because the words haven't yet processed. It than came to me. SCHOOL?

"school,normal people," I blurt and quickly hug mom and kiss her cheek.

"thank you thank you thank you best your best."

"Oh of course love I only ever wanna see a smile on your face."

But than I freeze wait. "Do they know," I ask mom.

"Know what hunny and who."

"know me."

Mom gives me that look again, please don't say it I thought to my self.

"Explain." and she said it,ugh I hate that word it made me feel like an outsider like I am an alien or I am speaking a whole different language.

"Know I am different." I respond hoping that this time my message went through.

"Oh dear don't say that and don't think being different is a bad thing."

"Do they know my speaking,"maybe this time I made more sense. I hated how the words made sense in my head. I can understand my self very clearly I never have to repeat something to my self but as soon as the words come out of my mouth everyone starts questioning.

"Don't worry about anything I told the teachers everything and they said they won't bother you or pressure you into doing something your not comfortable doing." I smile a big smile of relive she understood this time. But I still had many questions.

"Classes."

"Yes your classes they will give us your schedule on the first day at the office but I do know that your gonna have a couple of senior classes."

"Senior."

"Yup dear when I gave them your papers and test scores from all your work at home they said that your level is higher than junior so they decided to give you some AP and senior classes and do you know what it means if you pass all the classes they gave you with a good grade?" She pauses and gives me a smile but than says, "Your gonna graduate early you smart one."

I was still I little confused on all that AP class thing but I decided to put that aside and give mom a big smile.

"look at my little pumpkin aren't you so smart," mom says as she pinches my chubby cheeks.

"It's getting late and you have to get your schedule ready for school its not like home school at all you would have to get up early." I gave her a big hug "Good night."

"good night to you too dear." I smile and head up stairs to my room.

I change out of my clothes and hang them back up. I cant handle any type of mess everything has to be organized and well put. I take out my Pjs from my drawer and slip them on. I do my night routine which really consisted of me brushing my teeth,applying lotion on my body and putting a Vitamin C night cream on my face. I wanted to read my book but I couldn't concentrate. School. How bad could that place be. Could it be like some foster homes I lived in? Is there gonna be mean people. Are the people gonna ask me the same thing "explain." My brain was been filled with thousand of questions than million and with out even noticing my eyes closed and I was in dream land.

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Astrophile

(n.) a person who loves stars