New beginnings

I was finally done with my therapy. I completed everything I needed with the program. So I slowly packed up all my things into a few bags and a suitcase and a box. Everything I owned went into all that. The box held all my art work I made while in detention home. One bag was food and drinks, one bag had my dirty clothes. The suitcase had everything else. I said my goodbyes to all my friends. The hardest goodbye was my friend Tracy. I had formed a deep connection with her. Especially because of how my now Bd was treating me. She helped ease the pain and always made me laugh and smile. She was my best friend. If I had stayed though. It would have turned into something else. When I got to the airport. They told me I needed to pay extra as my bag was too heavy. My social worker told them I was flying to meet my family. As I was in the system and this was my chance to know them. The lady at the front hugged me told me good luck and took my bags. She tagged them and didn't mention anything about paying extra after that. I got to eat lunch with my social worker Helena. She took me to my favorite places. I got to eat roast pork, rice, steamed vegetables, fried mandoo, glass noodles on soy sauce, silken tofu with crispy garlic and soy sauce, creamy cabbage, watercress and daikong. I washed it all down with strawberry lemonade tea light on the sugar. We talked and then I cried. Helena took me under her case load after Lori was fired and arrested. The bad one I told you about earlier. When it got closer to leaving. She took me through the airport and got me to my gate. She handed me one of my favorite books to read. A family, a fishing pole, a family. When they started boarding I got the celebrity treatment. I was the first one on board. I got to sit up front in first class. No the alcohol was not getting passed to me. Though I wish it did. Turbulence scares the crud out of it. Like extreme anxiety. Dig my nails into your skin until it comes out the other end and possibly breaking your arm scared. I ended up falling asleep after I calmed down from my moment of anxiety. When I got up again we had the attendants walking around offering snacks and drinks. I took both because I mean why not. About twenty minutes later we had more turbulence. Though I knew we were pretty much there. It still scared me half to death. When we landed the plane jumped a bit and I kinda peed myself a little. When we finally came to a stop the attendants came and collected our trash. I again was first. They made sure I was walked out before everyone else. The lady they was stationed at the door. She grabbed my shoulder and hugged me. Then quietly walked me to the baggage claim. It was a very emotional time for me. From the moment I walked in to her car. All the way until about a month later. I was still very depressed and trying hard to fight. I thought being with family would help me but it really wasn't. All it really did was create even more conflicted emotions. Then my Bd started coming to visit. Eventually he moved up there with me. I was failing school and I truly did not care. I decided I would put my everything into my relationship. However while at work my intrusive thoughts wouldn't go away. Between the constant fighting with my aunts, plus the constant trouble I was in for failing in school. The fights I was having with him. I began lashing out towards everyone. I felt if I pushed hard enough they would all leave me alone and I could end my life successfully. The universe had other plans for me. During a therapy visit. My therapist noticed I had looked a little pale, I was losing a lot of weight and she read my records. So she knew where to look to see if I was cutting myself again. Then she reminded me that of I did it again. The programs where I was. They are long term programs. Which means they don't let me out until they feel I'm ready. So if I'm there after 18 I might be stuck there most of my life. I assured her I wasn't going to try to kill myself. Then we pulled up to the school and once she parked. My eyes began to water. I quickly wiped away my tears and went straight to class.