Relapse

The morning light pushed through the blinds, waking Riley. As the previous night flooded his mind, he began to feel his age old enemy rise to the surface. Guilt.

Riley knew Sky had enjoyed last night. So had he. But his brain still defaulted to what he had been taught. What he had done was wrong. Riley glanced at his arms, noticing the not-so-subtle scars that ran along his wrists. In Riley's mind he had done wrong, and now he must punish himself.

After quietly rummaging through his bag, he found what he was looking for. Last time Sky had found his blade, he would not leave Riley alone and acted as if it was his own fault. Some mumbo jumbo about how he should have sensed his boyfriend's pain.

Riley pulled the blade out of the cover of his journal, and felt the cold piece of metal in his hand. He quickly walked to the bathroom and locked the door. A small voice in the back of his head told him it was okay to go get Sky. To ask for help. Instead, Riley pushed the blade to his skin. After thinking about how he didn't deserve Sky, that he had brought this upon himself, and how much of a burden he was, Riley made his first cut.

Red ran down his arm. Riley began to cry, not from physical pain, but mental turmoil. With each mark he added to his arm, Riley began to get dizzier. He had eaten dinner last night, but what no one knew was that he had proceeded to vomit it up the moment they left him alone.

Riley's tears mixed with his blood, which he let drip onto the white linoleum. As he raised the blade to add another reminder, he heard the door knob rattle.

Sky said from outside the door, "Riley, you alright in there? I thought I heard someone crying."

Riley, knowing now that this had not been the right decision, raised himself off the floor enough to unlock the door. Sky opened the door and took one look at his boyfriend. Rather then getting mad and yelling, he simply scooped Riley up and gently sat him on the counter. Sky said no words, he just took the blade from Riley's hand and set it out of reach. Then, with unprecedented kindness, he moistened a towel and began to wipe off the blood on Riley's arm.

Though Sky said nothing, deep down he was hurt. He knew Riley had a history with such things and couldn't help it. Sky felt responsible. He had felt Riley roll out of bed, and rather then check on him, he had chosen to close his eyes and attempt to drift back to sleep. Sky knew Riley always felt vulnerable after such events, but had let the smaller boy down. With slow, gentle strokes, he wiped the drying blood from his lovers skin.

After rummaging under the sink, he resurfaced holding a tube of antiseptic ointment and a roll of bandage material. Sky bandaged his boyfriend up, yet remained silent as he carried Riley to their bed. Riley looked up with tears in his eyes and said quietly, "I'm sorry." Sky simply replied with, "I know, love."

Sky rolled onto the bed and gently took Riley into his arms. There they remained, silently pressed together, until Nico's husband, Will, came home from work hours later.