Perfect Places

It has been two weeks now since he left me without any trace or warning, and I was still overwhelmed with everything. Lumipat na rin si Mathias ng dorm room para mabantayan niya ako since he was concerned dahil sa hindi na ako kumakain at palagi na lang alak ang ginagawa kong hapunan. Cobi also visits us in our room para i-check ako. Even he, Lee's closest friend here in the campus, does not know where he went.

I wanted to curse him for breaking my heart out of nowhere.

I wanted to tell him that I did not love the idea of falling in love with him but I sincerely felt it.

I wanted to ask him these questions that are left unanswered.

But I could not and probably won't. He's gone for good.

There's no way he's coming back, and I have to accept that even though the idea of it still wounds me.

"Mr. Alleje, you're next," seryosong wika ni Miss Leyretana sa buong klase. Doon ako bumalik sa aking huwisyo at tsaka ako tumayo para i-present ang project namin – I mean, ko – sa kanya.

Huminga ako nang malalim at tsaka ako ngumiti, pero napaghalata ata ng buong klase na hindi ako masaya kaya sila sumenyas ng, "You can do it."

Si Ma'am Leyretana naman ay hinawakan ang kamay ko at tsaka siya bumulong sa akin ng, "Kaya mo iyan, Greyson," para mawala ang kaba ko.

Actually hindi ako kinakabahan. Natatakot ako. Natatakot akong mag-open up at baka i-judge lang ako ng mga kaklase ko dahil sa katangahan ko. Natatakot akong magmukhang payaso sa harap nila dahil sa napauto ako ng isang Sang Woo Lee na kilala na yata ng buong campus.

Huminga ulit ako nang malalim habang hinahanap ang Powerpoint Presentation ko patungkol sa project na ito, at nang nakita ko na ang file ay tsaka na ako nag-umpisang magsalita.

"Perfect places. Ano nga ba ang perfect places? Ito ba ang mga lugar na kinalakihan natin na hindi natin kayang i-alis sa ating mga utak just because of the nostalgia factor that they bring to us? How about the places that we seek happiness to like beaches and mountains? Ito ba ang mga lugar kung saan tayo kumukuha ng photos para mai-post natin sa ating Instagram feeds with profound captions to match up their aesthetic factor?

"Lorde was right, what are perfect places anyway? Parang ang idealistic naman kasi ng idea ng mga perpektong lugar. Even I and my ex-boyfriend wondered kung ano nga ba ang perfect place na sinasabi ng karamihan that we went to the island of Balesin to search for them.

"We went to different locations in Balesin just to find a place that we can call perfect, but none of those match what perfect places truly are because perfect places are just typical places. They aren't really locations but rather feelings and emotions. Let me give you my rundown of the perfect places according to my own impression of them."

I started to click on the slides for them to see the photos that I captured about these perfect places na nire-require sa aming i-illustrate sa buong klase. The first one is the dormitory where I stayed for the whole two months that I have been here.

"Here's the dormitory where Sang Woo Lee and I met and developed our special relationship. Noong una ay ayaw na ayaw ko sa taong iyon kasi hindi kami nagkakasundo sa anumang bagay, pero nang nakita at nalaman ko ang buong pagkatao niya ay doon ko napagtanto na hindi naman pala siya kasing-sama gaya ng inakala ko. Sa dormitoryo ring ito namin unang nalaman na pareho ang nararamdaman namin sa isa't isa. We confessed our feelings at each other right at the front of our room at midnight when everyone was asleep. I realized on that moment that there is nothing wrong with wanting so bad, and all I needed was to do something about it and take a risk. That risk was paid off well and it was one of the best nights of my life because of that incident alone," I said while I was smiling.

"Then here is the rooftop of our dormitory. Sa unang tingin ay parang normal lang na rooftop ito, pero gaya ng sabi ko kanina, perfect places are feelings rather than locations in my own understanding of them. Dito ko naman naramdaman na tanggap ako ng kuya ko kung anuman ako. Sang Woo and I hid our relationship to my brother at first, and when he found out that we were in fact a couple, he unswervingly accepted us as he even celebrated it in this rooftop that you are looking at right now. Doon ko masasabi na masaya ako dahil may kuya ako na kaya ni Edward."

I clicked on the next slide and it was the soccer field of our university. "I preferred to be quiet about this, but since I'm already here, I might as well confess this thing for you to know and understand: I was one of Venus's victims. I won't generate any concern from you as we are avoiding that topic for weeks now, but you need to know that Sang Woo saved me from that unscrupulous incident that happened between us. What Sang Woo did was to lie that we were in a relationship para lang makaalis na ako sa kanyang office. Pagkatapos n'on ay pumunta kami ng soccer field para naman mahimasmasan ako sa nangyari. Naalala ko pa na ang daming mga alitaptap sa paligid n'on, and I also remember comparing Sang Woo with fireflies: Behind his dreary and tough persona is a guy with good intentions. Like fireflies, the more that he shows his true colors, the more that I understood what he really is. That was the moment that I realized how special he was."

I clicked on the final slide and showed them the photographs that Lee took in Balesin with his phone. 'Yon 'yong cell phone na iniwan niya kasama ang note na nagsasabing ayaw niyang hanapin ko siya. "Those photos were taken by someone who isn't here right now, or should I say my unofficial ex-boyfriend since our break-up should not really be considered as a real break-up since it was one-sided," I said before I pointed out the photo of the sunset that he took in St. Tropez villa. "This is the most memorable one to me," I uttered. This time, nagpipigil na ako sa pag-iyak dahil sariwa pa rin ang nangyari rito para sa akin. "I never told him this, but he did not really know how many sunsets I endured just to see how beautiful his silhouette was," I said. "We were fighting when this happened, but we set aside our differences as we look at the exquisiteness of the sunset in front of us. Like the concept of the sunsets, we had our very own resetting as a couple."

"Ito naman noong nasa Phuket villa kami. Makikita niyo naman na halos mukha ko 'yang nasa photos kasi si Lee ang kumuha ng mga iyan. When I asked him kung bakit ako ang kinukuhanan niya, he told me that despite of how beautiful the place was, I was still the most beautiful one in his eyes," I said as I smiled bitterly.

"So what is really a perfect place? Is it the location? Is it the nostalgia? Is it the emotion? Or is it the person?" Miss Leyretana shyly asked me.

I beamed even though I was dying inside. "Ma'am, I think it is the emotion, the nostalgia, and the person. Kung walang depth ang isang magandang lugar sa mga mata ng isang tao, wala rin itong silbi. The dormitory, the rooftop, the island of Balesin, and the soccer field were nothing to some people, but they are special to me because they mean something. People would say that home is where the heart is, but it is not really the home that they mean, don't they?"

Our teacher just nodded as well as my classmates. "I am wearing this shirt right now that says Nothing Sense Were. 'Yong other half nito ay nasa taong hindi ko na makikita siguro kahit kalian. This is supposed to be a couple shirt that we we were planning to wear during this presentation, but he is not here. He probably won't be here anymore for the rest of the term."

I sighed heavily as I uttered the words that I should say to conclude this presentation.

"My ex-boyfriend Sang Woo Lee is an epitome of a "home" as he is where my heart is . . . and I am homeless right now since he's not right here with me."

END OF PART 1