Moving Closer

"Nakakayamot naman ang araw na ito. Mababaliw na yata ako, Lee," I grumbled while I was looking at the ceiling.

Ang bilis lang lumipas ng mga araw at Sabado na naman. Stressed man sa assignments kahit na kakatapos lang ng first week ko for this semester, at least I have no reason to give up.

My brother was right: Ang hirap nang mag-adjust from high school to college. From the people whom I am interacting with to the workarounds, ang dami talagang adjustments to consider. Idagdag mo pa ang mga ginagawa ni Lee just to show everyone that we're a couple. We had a verbal fight on Wednesday when I told him that he was trying too hard with all this make-believe stuff that's going on between us . . . then he reversed my issue with him as if I was the problem.

Mabuti na lang at nagkabati na kaming dalawa.

"Paanong baliw?" he replied with a serious look on his face. Hindi man siya nagsasalita, nahahalata kong nababagot din siya since kanina pa siya nakatingin sa electric fan sa kwarto like it's the most entertaining thing in to look at.

"Parang ganito," sagot ko sa kanya bago ako umungol sabay tirik ng aking mga mata. Natawa na lang kaming dalawa kasi mukha na talaga kaming mga tanga sa pinag-gagagawa namin.

"Magsayaw ka nga ng Oppa Gangnam Style o Gentleman diyan," ika ko kay Lee na siya namang kina-kunot ng noo niya.

"Napaka-racially discerning naman niyan, Greyson," he countered before he threw a pillow on my face. "Ikaw kaya ang sumayaw ng Iyugyug Mo o Jumbo Hotdog diyan."

Pinigilan kong tumawa kasi 'di ko lubos akalain na alam niya ang mga kantang sinabi niya. "Sorry naman, Lee. Nadala lang ako ng emosyon ko."

"May emosyon ka pala. Akala ko conyong kawayan ka lang, eh," sagot niya naman sa akin bago siya nag-smirk.

"Gago!"

"Babo!"

Kinamot ko na lamang ang ulo ko dahil wala akong napapala sa kakausap sa kanya. Good thing my phone rang and it was Mathias.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Grey," he answered in a very unsympathetic manner. "Labas naman tayo. We need to talk about something."

"That's great. I'll be there in five minutes," mutawi ko sa kanya before I ended our conversation.

"Bihis muna ako, Lee. Lalabas lang kami ni Mathias. May pagki-kwentuhan lang daw kaming dalawa," I told Lee while I was looking for a good shirt to wear.

I decided to go for a polo shirt with leopard prints in it, then kinuha ko na rin ang white jeans ko to call it an outfit.

"Saan ka pupunta?" Lee asked. I raised my left eyebrow and told him that I need to get dressed.

"Dito ka na lang magbihis. Gusto kong tignan ang abs ng boyfriend ko," he jokingly said.

"Aba, mukhang sini-seryoso mo na ang pagpi-playact nating dalawa, Lee."

I was expecting a laugh from him, but he only responded me with the word, "Oo.".

I just raised my middle finger while I looked at him as I walked to the bathroom to change my clothes. "Baliw ka talaga!"

*****

To my astonishment, Mathias was acting very cold while we were on our way to the mall. "May problema ka ba?" I asked him.

He just faked a smile and told me not to worry about anything, though I was certain na may gumugulo talaga sa isipan niya.

I asked him some questions to break the ice, but his responses were rather spared.

Nang makapunta na kami ng mall, he immediately requested to go to the nearest coffee shop for us to talk. Nagbiro naman ako na kung mag-uusap man lang kami, then why do we need to go outside pa ba? Akala ko matatawa siya, but he just looked at me forbiddingly.

Nang makaupo na kami after we ordered, I immediately asked him kung ano ang problema, and he coldly responded that I was the problem na kaagad ko namang kinabahala.

"Wala naman akong ginawa sa'yo," I exclaimed.

"Iyon na nga. Wala kang ginawa," namumuhi niyang sagot. "I thought I was your friend, pero bakit 'di mo sa akin sinabi kaagad? Bakit sa iba ko ba kailangang malaman 'yong totoong ugnayan ninyo ni Lee?"

I almost choked the frappe that I was drinking. "Uhm— kasi—"

Kasi natatakot ako.

"Kasi buong-akala ko ay nahahalata mo na."

"Cut the bull shit, Greyson. Alam mo na may gusto ako kay Lee. I was wondering kung bakit hindi ka nagpaparamdam since Tuesday. Iyon pala ay may tinatago ka na sa akin."

I sighed heavily dahil ramdam ko ang galit sa mga mata niya. "I'm sorry. I—"

I was scared na baka magalit ka sa akin even though what we have is a sham.

"I didn't mean to hurt you. Nagmahal lang naman ako." The thought of it made me want to throw up not just because I am not a romantic person, but because I was lying to him— an old friend of mine — for the sake of eschewing someone from harassing me in school.

He smiled bitterly as he stirred his espresso. "Ano ba ang alam mo sa pagmamahal? As far as I remember, you told me that love is nothing but just an idea that people are yearning to acquire, Greyson. You don't really believe in love," he said.

"I did not believe in love, but then he happened," sagot ko sa sinabi niya. "I've changed. That was me before and this is me right now. I accepted you for who you are, Mat. Can you do the same to me this time?"

He paused for a moment before he uttered a word.

"Yes," he responded before looked at a different direction.

"Sorry na ulit, Mathias. Hindi ko lang talaga masabi sa'yo kasi akala ko alam mo na ang lahat."

He nodded as he said, "Apology accepted."

I knew at that very moment that he was sincere, and I was repulsed with myself because I could do the same thing for him.

For now.

*****

Kahit na noong una ay awkward pa rin ang conversation namin ni Mat sa isa't isa, we eventually set aside our differences and began to talk like actual friends. As expected, ang daldal ni Mat makipag-usap about sa buhay niya as he told me how deficient his Philo 101 teacher was or how he was bullied by a certain guy whom he met during his free time.

"Ignore him the next time. Huwag mo nang patulan para 'di pa lumaki ang issue," ika ko.

He chortled shyly before he told me that if I were in his position, baka ano na ang nagawa ko sa lalaking iyon.

Our conversation stopped when someone joined us on our table.

It was Lee.

"Paano mo nalamang nandito ako?" I asked him habang naka-kunot ang noo ko.

Tumawa lamang siya at nagsabing, "Huwag kang feeling. Magta-tatlong taon ko na itong tambayan."

When he noticed that Mathias was looking at us with confusion, he added, "Babe," then he cringed when he realized what he just said.

Nagpigil lang ako ng pagtawa kasi mukha siyang tanga.

Right after he sat down beside me, Cobi, Lee's friend from the fourth floor of our dormitory, joined us.

"Ikaw?!" sabay na wika ng dalawa. Tumingin ako sa paligid at tama nga ang hinala ko; narinig nga sila ng mga tao.

"Teka, kilala niyo ang isa't isa?" naguguluhang tanong ni Lee sa kanila. Cobi just looked at Mathias with fury in his eyes while Mathias was rolling his eyes.

"Mathias, kilala mo siya?" I asked my friend.

"Siya 'yong sinasabi ko sa'yo kanina," sagot naman ni Mathias sa akin. I whispered Lee about what happened between them na siya namang ikinagalit niya.

"Cobi, humingi ka ng tawad kay Mathias," ika niya sa kanyang kaibigan.

"Ayoko nga. Siya nga itong may kasalanan sa akin," sagot naman ng isa.

"Hoy! Wala akong ginawang kasalanan sa'yo, kupal ka!"

"Eh, ba't mo ako sinilipan?!" sagot naman ng isa na siyang ikinagulat naming dalawa ni Lee.

"Tama na nga iyan! Aalis na lang kami ni Greyson dito. Mag-usap kayong dalawa. Ayusin mo iyang problema mo sa kanya," Lee bellowed while looking at Cobi. "Ayokong may kaaway kang kaibigan ni Greyson," he added before he grabbed my hand. Nang makalayo na kami sa kanila, tinignan namin ang dalawa, and to my surprise, umupo nga si Cobi sa table namin.

"Napa-payag mo si Cobi?" I asked him.

"Hindi ba obvious?" he replied sarcastically. "Samahan mo muna ako. May bibilhin lang ako."

"Hindi rin ba obvious na wala akong choice? Ang lakas ng kapit mo sa akin, o," diretso kong sabi sa kanya na siya namang ikinatawa niya.

*****

"Pumili ka ng t-shirt diyan," wika ni Lee habang hawak-hawak pa rin ang braso ko.

"Hindi ako bumibili ng shirts dito," sagot ko naman sa kanya. Nagalit siya siguro kaya kinonyat niya na naman ako sa ulo. "Ano ba?!"

"Pumili ka na kasi. Ang arte mo talaga. Kayong mga anak-mayaman, hindi niyo naa-appreciate ang simpleng t-shirts lang," pagmamaktol niya bago niya ako hinila sa may mga kulay pastel na t-shirts. "Pumili ka na, dali. May gagawin pa tayo pagkatapos nito."

Kumuha na lang ako ng isang baby blue na t-shirt at tsaka ko ipinakita sa kanya. Kaagad naman siyang kumuha ng isa pa sa may rack at tsaka kami pumunta ng counter para magbayad ng binili niyang t-shirts.

Nang i-abot ng saleslady sa counter ang sukli ni kay Lee ay ngumiti siya sa kanya. "Kainggit naman," sabi pa niya kay Lee while he just smiled and winked at her. Pagkatapos n'on ay hinila niya ako papunta sa comfort room ng mall at tsaka niya hinagis sa mukha ko ang isang shirt. "Suotin mo iyan," agresibo niyang utos sa akin.

"Tangina mo," sagot ko naman sa kanya dahil nakakapikon na ang pagka-domineering niya. Kung 'di lang talaga 'to umepal sa aming dalawa ni Mathias, baka nakauwi na ako ngayon.

Sinuot ko ang shirt na binili niya at nagtaka ako sa design nito.

Nothing

Sense

We're

"Yes, that doesn't make sense," bulong ko sa sarili ko while looking at the mirror. 'Di nagtagal ay lumapit si Lee sa gilid ko at tsaka niya tinignan ang shirts naming dalawa.

Right at that moment when I found out the whole caption.

Nothing Makes

Sense When

We're Apart

He held my waist as he was smiling. He just stared at our reflections on the mirror for a couple of minutes. Kitang-kita ko sa mga mata niya kung gaano siya kasaya na siya namang ikinatuwa ko.

He looks different when he's happy.

Natigil lang ang pag-ngiti niya nang na-realize naming dalawa na nakatingin pala sa amin ang isang matandang lalaki sa likuran niya.

He pretended to cough as he was looking at us begrudgingly. Umusog na lang kaming dalawa para makapaghugas siya ng kanyang mga kamay.

When he was about exit, he told us something that we did not expect.

"Sana magtagal kayo."

Ngumiti na lang kaming dalawa sa kanya at umalis na rin kami para maglibot-libot.