IV

***

AN old lady can be seen leaning back in her bed, looking off into the distance. She seemed to be thinking deeply.

Its wrinkled skin is the living evidence of resilience. A young man was seen sitting on a stool near her bed. While the old lady was looking into the distance, he was just staring at her.

The man beside her had different emotions that you could see in his eyes.

Flattering, and resentful, but the love and missing are more pronounced.

He loved the person who served as his second mother. In truth, this old lady is more loving than her mother. She took care of them, raised them, preached lessons, and paid attention to him and his other siblings.

But he is still sad and lonely, even though she's in front of him. Because she may be there next to him physically. But Alzheimer's disease took the old lady to them a long time ago. The last time he was able to talk to her sensibly was when she informed him that she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. And she will enter an institute for the elderly.

The old lady hasn't made any family of her own. And her relatives have different lives. Paolo's family had become her own. When she said that she would enter the facility, he didn't agree. He wanted to take care of her like she took care of him when he was young. But she doesn't want to be a burden to him and his family.

He couldn't stop her.

So even if she doesn't remember him sometimes, like now, he visits her. He talks to her about the things that happened to him, and when he is tired, her presence is his solace. She does not react often. Sometimes she would touch his face with both hands. Staring at each other, he could see emotions through her eyes. First anger, then sadness...then pity.

Since the old lady has been engulfed by the disease, she is not talking anything about what she thinks, her decisions, and her feelings.

"You know, *Nay(1), I met someone at JM's surprise wedding. I even mistook her for JM's side chick because she was drunk." He laughed at how he remembered the girl's reaction when he said that she was getting drunk because of his friend.

"But I know it's not like that. I believe in her. Because... Because when I looked at her I felt something else. As if we have known each other for a long time." He suddenly shook his head.

"You know I feel like she was weirded out by me. I was also weirded out by how I felt that day."

He looked down. He couldn't explain. It's just weird. The speed of his heartbeat. His cold sweats. His body was reacting to her, not in a lustful way, but his body reacted to her as if he missed her presence so much.

"It's a different feeling. You know that at the back of your mind you know something is different inside you the moment we land each other's gaze. I-I really can't explain. It's frustrating." He even pulled out his hair because of so much frustration that he couldn't explain.

He looks like a fool laughing while being annoyed at himself.

"I just wish we could see each other again. Well, she is a writer for The Journal. And I am planning to invest in Patrick's new business plan for a publishing house connected to their online writing platform. So maybe we'll meet again. There is a big chance that her stories will be included in the first batch that will be printed for paperback. She's a good writer, although all her stories are heartbreaking." He still laughed at this.

The old lady remains emotionless. And sadness officially took him when he looked up at the other person again. Still no reaction and still looking at the trees outside from the moment he entered her room.

He misses her smile and her laugh so much. Even her admonitions to him. Yes, she is here in front of him, but it's not the same as before. What's even more surprising to him is that, since Alzheimer's swallowed the old lady, she is not talking to him.

One of the many things Paolo remembers about the old lady's attitude is if there was something he did that offended her, she wouldn't talk to him. For how long, he doesn't know. Until he says he is sorry. But he doesn't remember doing anything that might have caused her to sulk.

He blew out some air.

He just went there to inhale some fresh air. These days he feels that everything is crowded. Burn out? Maybe. He also has a lot of work these days.

He just wanted to see an old face. A pause for everything.

"Nay, I'm going to leave you first. Eat a lot. Just tell Nurse Jhen what you want. She will give it to you. I will visit again." He was about to kiss the lady's forehead when two hands stopped him by touching his face.

He was surprised at first but immediately calmed down when he realized that no one else was going to do this to him but the old lady.

"Y-Yes, nay?" He asked her. Maybe she wants to buy something? A request? Something she wanted to get for his next visit.

"Have you eaten already?" The old woman asked. But her tone is not asking a question, she is more about commanding him.

"Yes, nay! I always eat at the right time," he answered.

"You should always eat on time. Do you remember the things that I told you? You have an ally in me. I'm still here. I will not leave you."

He can't help but be emotional about the things she said. She gave her the advice and love he would surely pass on to his children in the future.

After a while, she once again stopped talking but still stared at him.

When she was still staring at him, he took her hand that was still on his face and then gently brought it to his lips and kissed it.

"Nay." He called her. "I miss you so much." He gently let go of her hands, then he ultimately left her room.