XVII ||| To Break What’s Unbreakable

My knees gave up when I reached the last shelf at the back.

When I didn't sense anyone, I allowed myself to cry. And at each tear that rolled down my cheeks, my skin burned as if my tears were flames from the pit of hell. My body shook and it was as if the rest of the world disappeared and only me and my misery stayed still. The emotional pain so strong that somehow it felt as if all of my bones were breaking and all of my limbs were being teared apart again.

Everything passed through my eyes again. Me and mom dancing in the empty side of our lair, until Meredith and Philippa came to kidnap me, kill mom and destroy everything I've ever had. I remembered them using their magic to press me on the cave wall with such strength that I could only watch frozen as they got together to kill mom. Watching as they spilled mom's blood all over the cave, tearing her body piece by piece with their talons as mom cried with pain, her eyes never leaving mine.

The pain of losing the person I loved the most in the world was so overwhelming that I felt locked in that Sunday for the next nine centuries, as my mind kept going back. Guilty consumed me as I blamed myself for being born, for not being able to save my mom from the demise that being connected to me caused her. Then came the torture.

A part of me, the hopeless and guilty part, believed I deserved every second of all Meredith did to me, but I knew she was the one to blame for all that was happening to me. It made me be consumed by helplessness as I knew she was strong and unbeatable. But I couldn't help desiring to kill her.

That was what kept me standing no matter how insane I had gotten. And when Naël told me I would be able to play a part in killing her, it gave me even more strength. All I could think was surviving, claiming that it wouldn't take long for me to leave. For me to get strong to go against her. To kill her for killing my mom.

All because I had someone I loved.

All because there was someone she could take from me.

I was her goal, not my mom. She did that to break me, to make me bend because she was scared. If I had been alone, she would have simply taken me away and mom wouldn't have died, but I was with her, and she ended up paying the price with her life.

And now you're telling me I have a mate? That even though I do not want to, even though I want to fight it, I'll find myself going to him? That he's forever bonded to me, and one way or another I'll grow to care for him and love him? Are you fucking kidding me?

I can't. I can't let that happen. I can't… I…

"Breath," a unknown soft male voice spoke, and only then I noticed someone was embracing me. "Hel, you need to breath. You're having a panic attack, but I'm here with you," who… who's him?

"I… I can't.. I…" Tears kept falling from my eyes furiously.

"Hey, hey, with me. Breath with me," slowly, I tried to follow his lead. My lungs burned but I tried to breath, tried to put the my broken pieces together again. "Count with me. How much is one plus one?"

"T…two…"

"Two plus two?"

I closed my eyes, trying my hardest to stop the tears. "F-f…four…"

"Four plus four?" Is he kidding me?

"F…fu…fuck…" This is hard. "E…e…ei-eight…"

"Eight plus eight?" I hate this.

Clenching my jaw, I tried my best to fight this. "S-six…teen…"

"God. Sixteen plus sixteen?"

Ugh. "T…thirty-two…"

"One more, Hel. One more. Thirty-two plus thirty-two?"

"Bloody fuck…" I took one more breath. "Sixty-four." But he kept his arms firmly around me, holding me as if he knew I would fall again on the second he released me. And I stayed on it too, taking my time, breathing again and again. Only when I pushed him slightly he released me.

"Do you feel better?" He asked softly and when I turned around, I was glad that it wasn't someone I had seen before. "I was here when you came and when I saw you like that, I couldn't not do anything. I'm sorry for holding you without your consent."

Is he referring to how I snapped at Oliver when he tried to touch me back when I arrived? "Don't… please, don't apologize. I would still be like that if you hadn't helped me. I owe you one." Then I took a good look at him. Tanned skin, fluffy wavy black hair, green-ish brown eyes, full lips, high-bridge slim nose, sharp jawline, tall and fit, with a slim toned body. He's a gorgeous boy, he shouldn't be anywhere near me.

Repulsed by myself, I jumped away from him, hitting my back on the wall in the way. And my action startled him. "I swear, I wasn't trying anything, Hel," finally someone calling me by my name.

"I know you didn't. You shouldn't be near me… no one should. I'm the problem, not you. Not anyone but me," I stared down at my shaky hands, clenching my fists. "I'm sorry for letting you see such a pathetic and weak side of me…"

"Felix. Felix-Gabriel Moore!" Wait what?

My eyes widened in recognition, "You're Cosmos nephew."

A nod, "Uncle told me about you. He told me to watch your back and be near you to help you with whatever you needed. When I saw you storming inside here like that, I got worried. I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks some times, so I know how horrible it feels. And that's also how I know how to take care of it."

"You're a dragon."

"I am. An emerald dragon like my uncle," wait what?

I frowned, "Cosmos is a emerald dragon?"

He looked puzzled, "You're his adopted daughter, how didn't you know that? Everybody knows it."

"I thought he was just a green dragon, not necessarily a emerald one," is that why Meredith chose him to be my master? Because she heard that emerald is extremely toxic to serpents? Did she planned on using him against me if shite went south. Ugh, just thinking about it makes me sick.

"Are you okay?" Absolutely not.

"Do I look okay, Felix?"

"No," he smiled apologetically. "And I prefer Lix. My friends and family call me that."

"You have friends?" It was supposed to be a joke, but the kid got depressed the second I said it, making me feel bad. Sigh, "Sorry, don't take my words seriously. I didn't intend to hurt you."

"It's okay. I don't really have friends, I was just saying that to look good in front of you, since you are powerful and all. I'm a loner, and no one in Belladonna likes me, since they say I'm useless. I mean, yeah, there's not much to do with my special ability, but what can I do?" Ah, kid.

I reached for his hand, "Don't care about what they say. You're amazing. You don't need an awesome special ability for that, Lix. You are a emerald dragon, and you are also good-looking. These people who mess with you are probably green with jealousy!"

My words seemed to comfort him, "As crazy as it sounds, given that I study here since I was a little child, you're the kindest person so far. And you just arrived today!"

Shrugging, I avoided his eyes embarrassed with the compliment that doesn't suit me at all. "You can say that I understand a thing or two about being rejected. You saw it today. I think that makes us two loners. So I under you and the way you feel. I haven't met many people in my life, and in honesty, today was the first time I've been exposed to this amount of supernatural people. It can me overwhelming, but don't tell your uncle I said this or hell kick my ass."

Felix giggled, "I won't. Now, can you tell me what hurt you?" He pointed at my wound that was still bleeding. "And why do you look like you went through the apocalypse?"

But instead of answering him, I made the question that was burning inside of me. "What can I do to break the mating bond?"