Counting Seconds

As hours turned to days and days to weeks, the day of their marriage was approaching like dark clouds on the horizon, leaving only a few more she could count on one hand.

In the romance books Celeste read, there were always two scenarios: either she wanted it or didn't.

Celeste had always found it amazing how the writers depicted the horrible feeling of being married to a man she knew would only bring her suffering.

But she was ignorant.

Inexperienced.

Fortunate.

To not have known how that truly felt. 

Because now she realized there were simply no words to describe it—the feeling of something horrible and inevitable; something that even death itself did not make her sweat in her sleep and cry in her lonesome solitude.

But maybe it was because death was just a second in her life while Tiel would take a lifetime. 

How does one explain it? Celeste thought, letting a tear fall on the page of her journal. Wasn't choosing a wedding dress supposed to be an exciting moment?

Wasn't the thought of finally finding someone to plant her roots with supposed to be a moment of peace?

Wasn't her husband supposed to be someone she knew she could rely on? To provide for her. Protect her. Care for her. 

But the sheer thought of being alone with him, even for a minute, raised her heartbeat and made her feet cold.

It was torturous to cry tears of dread and sadness and have them mistaken for joy. Happiness… 

Celeste threw the pen in a sudden burst of frustration, watching it bounce off the wall and roll on the floor to a shadowy corner. Her eyes were blurry, and a silent sob slipped out of her mouth—a pathetic sound in the silence of her empty room.

Everything she had ever owned in her life was already gone, packed neatly into boxes and shipped to her new home. 

If she could ever call it that. 

Whenever she tried talking about it with Mina or Orion, they both told her that men were naturally rough and that sometimes it happens.

People get hurt all the time. If you make everything into a problem, you won't have a happy life.

Those words repeated over and over again in her mind. 

Celeste tried to make sense of it, wondering if what she remembered was real or if her mind made it come across as worse than what it seemed. 

Perhaps she was just too sensitive. It could be that Tiel didn't mean to do it so hard and got carried away. But then what would explain how her wrist bruised and how harshly Avond had reacted? 

Surely he wouldn't have reacted like that if it had seemed like it was nothing to worry about. 

But what if they simply didn't get along? 

Celeste threw herself on the bed, hugging the only pillow she had left.

In her fetal position, the memory of how angry Tiel looked at the dining table haunted her. 

How bad did she offend him when she walked away with his brother? And if she explained it, would he be able to understand? Would he be forgiving? 

In the middle of her descent into a mental breakdown, a happy knock came from the door. "Celeste? Are you ready? Mom is waiting downstairs," Orion said. 

Celeste heard her walking away, leaving her to gather whatever strength she had left. Today was the third rehearsal of the wedding ceremony and custom vows. It was the last time, and the only time Tiel would be coming as well.

At least that was what she was told. The other two times, he had sent someone to deliver a written note to her with sweet words and apologies. 

It had sent her into an even deeper confusion. Was he good… or bad? What he did—was it forgivable? Was it a big deal, or was she just being dramatic? Like what Mina had told her: "Men are sometimes brutal; it happens, dear. Really, you have nothing to worry about. Just tell him to be more gentle next time." 

Celeste had simply nodded then, but how could she tell him when she couldn't even speak her mind? At least not without both hands, a piece of paper, and a pen.

As Celeste grabbed her yellow handbag, these pensive thoughts settled heavily on her. Following her as she left her bedroom in a vicious loop of anxiety and panic.

"Finally," Mina said when she saw Celeste walk down the stairs.

"What kept you so long? You're not even dressed properly! Remember, just because you're getting married doesn't mean I'm less of a parent. Being late is a sign of disrespect." She went on, although Celeste couldn't hear the rest. 

Celeste followed Mina to the car, where they sat for the longest time with her complaining about how much she had to do for her. That if it was Orion, Mina wouldn't have had to do all of this work. 

Celeste looked down and nodded all the way to the church. 

"Oh!" Mina said in the middle of her complaint. 

"Look at that! He's already here. Tiel is such a gentleman, isn't he? You should remember to thank me in the future for giving you this opportunity." 

Celeste stepped out after her stepmother, hearing them chat already. To Mina, Tiel was the perfect young man. He held himself with confidence yet humility at the same time. He complimented her on her youth and beauty, which made Mina giggle. Who are these people? 

"Ah, Celeste, my future bride. You're just as beautiful as the first time we met." 

Celeste blinked. You mean back when you were a snotty brat who pushed me aside like a sack of rice? But she just smiled for her own sake. 

"Shall we go inside? The sun is starting to get too hot for my liking," Mina said, leading the way without waiting for an answer. Tiel looked over to Celeste, a faint smile on his lips as he offered her an arm, the same way Avond did that night. Feeling obliged, Celeste took his arm with the same faint smile.

When the rehearsals were finally over, Celeste quickly moved to stand beside her stepmother, who noticed her eagerness to stand close to her.

The only sign Mina showed was her questioning look before continuing her expedition, looking for whatever it was in her giant handbag. 

"Can we please go now?" Celeste offered the notebook to Mina, but a hand snatched it away from her, Tiel reading it instead. 

"What's the hurry? I wanted to talk to you about something." 

"We're not. If you two need some time, feel free. I have something I still need to do here," Mina said without looking up. Whatever it was she was looking for, Celeste had a feeling she would have found it by now if the bag wasn't so big. 

"What do you want to say? Why can't you say it here?" 

"Come on. I know they have amazing ice cream at their restaurant," Tiel said as if he hadn't just read her questions. She frowned at him as he walked ahead, refusing to move from her spot. 

When he noticed she wasn't following, Tiel's face changed. The cold look in his eyes and the twitching at his jaw made her feet move. This can't be normal. Is this normal? 

"Can you walk a little faster? Stop looking like you're scared. Walk straight; you're going to make people stare," Tiel commanded.

Celeste did as he said, both hands nicely clutching her small handbag. The last thing she needed was upsetting him. 

The restaurant, which was connected to the venue, was decorated with tropical nature in mind, offering privacy in romantic booths along the wall.

Celeste looked around to see it was packed, wondering whether they could find a spot. Just as she was about to suggest a place to sit outside, a man in uniform came to inform Tiel their table was ready. 

"I know I said ice cream, but you can get whatever you like," Tiel said, holding her hand suddenly. His voice was gentle and loving. Celeste wondered where the Tiel who had threatened her before went. 

In her confusion, she let him take her to the second floor, where most of the tables were filled with low-speaking guests. A sign on top said, "Private Area." 

"I'm sure you don't know this, but I own the venue," Tiel whispered in her ear, the smell of his masculine cologne invading. Celeste couldn't help but feel her heart skip a beat. It was hard to accept this was the same man. 

"I don't want to brag, but… the ice cream is made from my recipe." 

"Do you like sweet treats? I like it a lot," Celeste told him, which made him smile. Looking up with wide eyes, Tiel was more cute than handsome. 

"I do, actually. I even bake and make my own mochi," he replied. 

Despite her love for mochi, Celeste didn't return his enthusiasm. She looked at this man hard, feeling anger bubbling up to the surface but maintained her composure. After what he did, he didn't have the right to pretend it didn't happen. 

Tiel's smile faded. "What's the matter? I'm trying, don't you see?" 

"Why did you hurt me like that? You nearly broke my wrist!" 

"It wasn't that hard," Tiel protested with a calm tone, leaning back in his chair as if he were tired of hearing the same thing hundreds of times.

She sighed. "Regardless of what you think, I was really hurt because of you. I understand that you're trying and I appreciate that, but it doesn't erase the fact that you did that."

Tiel looked annoyed, "Alright. Fine. I'm sorry." He said.

"Can you promise me it won't happen again?"

Celeste stared at him, wide-eyed. If they were going to be married, she needed to know he was going to put effort into not doing that.

Hurting her to make her speak.

In her experience, it never helped, in fact, it made it a lot worse. To the point where she didn't even want to write at all.

This happened a few years ago when Mina lost her patience and started whipping her with a thin piece of wire. "WHY!" *whip* "WON'T!" *whip* "YOU!" *whip* "SPEAK!"

If it wasn't for her father walking into the library, Celeste might not have any more skin left on her back. It was the feeling of her mouth open like a fish that made her hate opening her mouth at all.

Snapping out of her thoughts, Celeste realized Tiel hadn't given her a reply yet. He was reading all the words in her notebook with a raised eyebrow.

"You're so submissive in this notebook. Why are you giving me a hard time?"

Feeling her heart beat faster in her chest, Celeste stood from the table and snatched the notebook from his hand. So hard that the pen fell on the floor. Tiel called out to her, but she ignored her.

The hopeless feeling of needing escape was like a noose on her neck. Where was Mina when she needed her the most? Celeste thought, quickly leaving the restaurant.

"I said, wait!" Tiel demanded.

Celeste felt her whole body move backward. A strong grip held her arm, forcing her to turn with so much strength she turned on her short heel. If this was how strong he was just turning her around, how much stronger was he if he beat her?

"Do not ever, turn your back on me. Leave me like that. Who do you think you are?" Tiel spoke in a low tone. It was calm and yet there was something so menacing in his voice that Celeste wanted to cry. For the first time in her life, she prayed for Mina.

"I tried and you were too much of a b**** to just take it and move on. So now you just wait… you won't be able to run away from me." Tiel whispered to her, a sweet smile written there as if he had just whispered loving words.

Celeste's eyes started to water, the strength of his hand on her arm was pain-inducing. His two fingers pinched her skin. No… not again…

"Celeste!" A feminine voice called out to her.

Tiel let go of her, stepping back just as Mina reached them. Her hair was a tangled mess as if she had rolled down the stairs. She quickly pulled her floral white shirt down, tidying her hair in the reflection of the restaurant's black glass.

"Thank goodness I found you!" Mina exclaimed the moment she was done. "I hope I wasn't interrupting anything." She said.

"No, not at all aunty. I hope we didn't keep you waiting for long."

"Don't be ridiculous! If you needed the whole day I could have just gone home you know. I know you'll take Celeste home safely." Mina said sweetly, patting Celeste on her back.

"I'm touched by your trust in me. I hope you don't mind, but I'll take my leave now. I have some things I need to do still." Tiel said, quickly bowing to Mina as a sign of respect. Mina bowed in return, waving away at Tiel who just nodded his head to Celeste before going.

Celeste glanced at Tiel before turning away to follow Mina and noticed the way women around him threw glances. He was handsome, tall, rich, and charming if he wanted to be. But there was something awfully wrong with him, something broken and evil. He was greatly lacking and Celeste feared for her life.

She walked through the parking area, eyeing Mina's back as she gracefully walked towards the car and wondered if Mina truly understood what was happening. 

The moment Celeste sat in the car, Mina started writing, "SOMETHING is very wrong with Tiel. He is not the good man he shows himself to be, he is…"

"Show me your arm," Mina ordered when the car started driving. Celeste looked up in surprise, confused for a moment before she did what Mina asked her to do. Mina flicked her tongue, "No, the other one."

She did.

Mina pulled the sleeve of the pink dress up, causing it to wrinkle. Ignoring her own command so as to not make any wrinkles on Orion's expensive dress.

Celeste saw the serious look on Mina's face, noticing as well that on her arm the bruises from where he had held her already started to appear. She pulled the sleeve down, leaning back on her chair, her face facing ahead.

"With a man like that, don't disobey him. Otherwise, he'll show you what fear is. Find a room where you know you can lock yourself inside, and try to look for any patterns, times, or actions that usually trigger him. Buy a cell phone, put some call credit in it, and hide it in your hiding spot. Just in case it gets too violent, you can call for help." At that, Mina turned her head to look at Celeste. There was a shadow of memory in her eyes, a sadness that replaced the usual annoyance and anger in them.

"Whatever you do, don't call the police."

But who she was supposed to call, Mina offered no answer. Celeste tried to ask, but Mina refused to read. Instead, she looked out the window, seemingly a million miles away.

Thoughts of ways to escape started to appear in her mind, ways that Celeste realized she needed her family's help to do. She could try and run away, but what would happen to her family then?

But what about you?

Do they care what happens to you?

Realizing the meaning behind Mina's words, Celeste felt tears in her eyes. She knew. They knew what would happen to her but they'll let it happen. There was no use in telling them anything because she was on her own.

She was a sacrifice they were willing to make and stupidly she agreed.