Chapter thirty-four: Loving him silently

Madi's POV:

--''Nothing hurts more than realizing that he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him.''--

My face crunched when I received a text message from Sandy. It was a quote. I am preparing for sleep, and Gabriel is still outside. I already changed my sleeping clothes. 

-'What does she mean by this?'-

I sit on the edge of the bed and read it again, and because my mind was too focused on my phone, I didn't notice Gabriel entered the door and walked in front of me to the bathroom. I also missed when he raised his eyebrow on me.

But then I received another text message from Sandy.

--''He ignores you, but you like him. He does nothing, yet you fall for him. You miss him, but he never thought about you.''--

"What is happening with her?" I asked myself loudly. Gabriel was already out of the bathroom and turned to look at me. But I still haven't noticed he's there. I read again the second message. And I felt confused.. was it for me? I chuckled suddenly and shake my head. 

And my cellphone beeped again. 

--''It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. But what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel''--

My hand automatically lifted up to my chest. Why am I suddenly get affected by this? I bite my lip and chuckled again. I am about to dial her phone number when she send another message.

--''Love.. is when you shed a tear and still want him. It's when he ignores you and you still love him. It's when he loves another girl but you still smile and say 'I'm happy for you'.. when all you really do is cry.''--

With her last message... I chuckled loudly.

"I'm not crying!" I said in a defensive tone.. because it's true. "What are you talking about?" maybe by this time I looked like an insane woman.. talking to my phone alone although I know it will never answer me back.

And I decided to call her. But I already called her number more than five times, but she didn't answer any of it.

"Who are you calling at this late hour?" I almost dropped my phone when Gabriel asked.. he's leaning against the closet door.

"Oh my!" I said in a shocked tone. "How long have you been there?" 

"Ten minutes."

"Ten minutes?" -'why I haven't noticed him-------'- my thoughts were answered when he speaks again.

"Because you're too busy with your phone. Who were you calling?" he asked in a serious tone. He also walked towards the bed with his both hands on his pockets and sit beside me.

"I - It's Sandy. I've been trying to call her but she hadn't picked up my call." I gulped as I gripped my phone.

"Was she also the one who were you texting to?"

I looked at him and I wanted to ask him... 'why are you asking?' but seeing the seriousness on his face while looking at me, made me swallowed my question.

"Yes." I just answered shortly and looked away. I don't want him to know why I've been trying to call Sandy.

"Madi.." 

But when I heard him mentioned my name, I didn't have any choice but to look back again into his face.

"Did you mention anything to Nancy or even Dad about our deal?"

I frowned and straightened my seat. "No! I didn't mention anything to them. Why?"

"I guess Dad has a clue about our act."

"How do you say that.. I mean.. how did you know? Are you sure?" I faced him this time.

"No. But I know Dad. He wouldn't give me such advice like that."

"What advice?" I asked confused.

But he just shook his said. "Nothing. Just some fatherly advice." and then he sighed.

And I didn't say anything.

"Madi, we need to double our act in front of them."

My eyes widened... what did he say?

"What do you mean, by double our act?"

"We need to be more extra sweet and show them that we're so much in love with each other."

I chuckled at him. I found it funny... God, I feel like digging my own hole for that.

"Madi, I'm serious." 

I stopped myself from laughing and sighed.

"Okay. So what do you want me to do?" I asked him seriously.

"Just follow my lead."

"What?"

"I mean.. just act with me, hug me... every time they were around."

"But that's what I've been doing. I even kissed you in front of Nancy, remember?"

"Yes, but we need to be careful this time, Madi. I think Dad were just cooperating with us, I'm not sure. That's why we have to be more sweet and look in love with each other."

"Okay. But don't touch me." i raised my eyebrow but he knitted his.

"What do you mean by don't touch you?"

"Just hug me and kiss me, that's all. No... you know.. something----"

"Sex. Is that what you mean?" he asked with his eyes full of amusement.

"Yes." I answered biting my lip. And he suddenly laughed.

"Don't worry love, I won't touch you if that's what you want. Not unless you want me to or you made the first move."

"Huh!" my eyes widened but when he laughed again, I get the pillow from the bed and I hit him on the face.  But he used his arms to parried my hits while laughing with his carefree laugh.

"I won't ever do that! How dare you!" I continued to hit him.

"You can't say that, love." and continued to accept my hit.

We ended up on top of the bed laughing and tired.. laid on our backs while his right arm was under my head and using it as my pillow. We both sighed and smiled to each other. We laid still in silence, no one's talking and no one is moving. I am about to speak when he kissed me on my forehead and closed his eyes.

I sighed again but then smiled. I shake my head as I watched him sleeping. It's my first time to see him like this, so tired yet so peaceful in his sleep. His lips were partly opened. I bite my lip to restrain my hand on touching his face. He look so handsome even in closed eyes. 

I wish I could vanish the pain that still remain in his heart. But how can I do that when he's the one who wants to stay in the dark? I sighed before I turned to my side of the bed with his arm still under my head.

I remember Sandy's third and last message. Yeah, it's difficult to keep the truth... it's so hard to handle your new grown feelings to someone so near.. but yet so far. You can't even touch his hand, you can't even call him 'mine' .. but still you need to keep it in that place so you can still see him by your side.. you can still laugh together with him without him knowing your feelings.

I smiled bitterly and brought my hand over my chest.. it's hard to pretend you love someone when you don't, but it's harder to pretend you don't love someone when you really do..😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭.

With that, I tried to close my eyes hoping my sleep would visit me tonight.