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Harry Potter: mage of the elements (On Hold)

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  • 13 Bab
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  • NO.200+
    DUKUNG
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Grey_3775
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Author....sigh....what are you doing, I mean... it has potential and all that, but it's just too straightforward and too plain, like where is the suspense and the character development and like Death himself is just talking to himself saying "oh this kid Is weak let's give him a system, oh he has devil blood in him let's take him to Japan where the devils are...like bruh...sigh.I mean it does have potential just try to make it have more of a sense of character development and plot development, as well as have him suffer a bit to make him more mature and all, also let him have a sense of childishness so let him have his fun dont make him to mature, and as for the romance let's make it so that the girls not fall for him too quickly, and let their feelings grow at a slow to medium rate. Anyway Author I hope you don't take this to heart, I'm only criticizing you to make the story more realistic in this fanfiction. and like I said it does have merit and potential and I look forward to the future if you take my advice

DUKUNG

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