Sir Lance a LOT!

[A/N: Half of this chapter is a relatively explicit sex scene. There are notes telling you where to stop reading and pick up if you want to skip a sex scene. It's almost perfectly 1/2 of the chapter. The god's commentary is pretty comical, though.]

—Skip now and move to the next note—

"Caitlyn. There's nothing more bloodloss-inducing than two women having sex."

Everyone's faces flushed bright red with embarrassment and slight mortification.

"I am not asking either of you to have sex with one another if you don't want to," He clarified.

"However, Caitlyn, if you want to please your man, this is a perfect opportunity."

Leon flashed her a hungry, manipulative smile, and she immediately felt a wave of ecstasy wash over her.

"I know it'd be using you for my pleasure, but—"

"I'll do it!" Caitlyn cried when turning to Lindy with a horrifyingly predatory expression.

Lindy shivered when she saw the expression, prompting him to hurriedly explain.

However, an imaginary cog in Lindy's body suddenly snapped backward at a 45-degree angle.

If it had a noise, it would be the sound made by a rusty machine in a horror movie, signaling that the protagonist's hiding friend was totally fucked.

"Wait! We don't know what she wants yet." Leon clarified. "I need that for my satisfaction too."

Caitlyn's enthusiasm crumbled, and she looked like a scolded puppy.

"Lindy. I need to go into my interface." Leon announced.

"However! I'll take off my shirt and let you play with my chest as you have the softest lips in Minxon kissing [yours]."

Lindy gulped.

"Oh, and her tongue. I didn't understand just how perfect a tongue could feel until I made out with myself. I can only imagine what it would be like if it were rolling on your clit—"

"Now?" Lindy asked with a quivering voice laced with triple distilled, 100% pure desperation.

"Yes." Leon replied with genuine hunger in his eyes. He didn't have to play around; luckily, he had the perfect partner for… anything.

He grabbed Caitlyn firmly, turned her, and pressed his mouth against hers. She turned bright red and immediately melted into his arms.

Then he grabbed her shirt from her sides and pulled it off her body, and she, in turn, did the same for him.

'We're going to be fighting naked again,' Leon sighed, 'but at least I won't die a complete virgin.'

He turned to Lindy. "Do you want me to pull off your leggings? Or do you want to? We need to hurry up. We only have a minute or less before all hell breaks loose."

"I-I'm sorry, I'm—"

"Lindy. I want to see you naked." Leon replied casually, "You, Caitlyn, and Mary, or should I say Sarah, have been extremely attractive to me."

"Ekkkkkkk!" Sarah cried.

Leon, Caitlyn, and Lindy ignored the weird screech from the empty corner.

He then approached Lindy. "If I die here today, I desperately want to see the woman I'm into going down on the crazy attractive girl I took an abrupt interest in ten minutes ago."

Everyone blushed instantly. Leon's words equally impacted Caitlyn and Lindy.

"Now then. Off with'em, or I'll pull them off you." Leon ordered.

"Yes~sir…." Lindy whispered as she sat down on the break table and pulled off her leggings, revealing light purple panties.

Rather, dark purple panties that were originally light purple.

Like a savage, she ripped the leggings off her legs and worked them around her white shoes.

Leon's heart started pounding.

"Caitlyn. Gently pull off Lindy's panties." He ordered, "While you're doing it, imagine that I body swapped with Lindy, and you were directly pleasing me."

Lindy was confused at first, but the second Leon finished his sentence, Caitlyn's eyes became just as crazed as Lindy's.

The two looked like half-traumatized porcelain dolls possessed by Marilyn Monroe's ghost and Cleopatra's spirit. That was a solid analogy on all fronts.

Caitlyn slowly stripped Lindy's panties off as requested until they slipped to her ankles.

Once they hit Lindy's right ankle, she seductively lifted the panties for Leon to take, which he did with enthusiasm.

He was looking between a woman's legs for the first time, and his mind was blank.

"Now… Caitlyn…." Leon gulped and whispered, "It's for everyone's happiness, culture, and a genuine need for survival."

Caitlyn nodded, and Lindy closed her eyes and rocked her head back.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!~"

—

Ding! [Event: Beast Overlock Entertainment Value increased by (20) points! 110/100

Note: Nine seconds until death arrives, and you're having a yuri exploration party. Only the harem and lust gods. Ah, to be young.]

—

"Ayyyyyahhhhhh!~"

Numbers on his notifications option skyrocketed instantly. There was also grey numbers counting next to the red number next to rewards, signalling he was getting them but couldn't see or use them.

Leon grinned when he saw his two maidens glowing pink with their lips pressed together.

Not only was it hot, but they were both growing stronger.

Now that Leon had enough emotions to enjoy it, he recognized that he was wielding a dream power of unreasonable proportions.

"AYAAHHHHH!~"

"Wait! Nine seconds!?" Leon cried while Lindy screamed in pleasure, "Interface!"

—

A trophy of conquest has been detected! Would you like to store the trophy: Lindy Crestfall's panties (light purple w/ cute bow) in your item storage? [Y/N]

—

"Fuck me! Sure, whatever!" Leon cried breathlessly in a panic.

The panties in his hand disappeared into thin air.

"AyyyyyyyahhhhhhhhhYYAAAAHHH!~" Lindy screamed in pleasure.

"KyyyyyahhhAHHHHH!"

"AYAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

"Kyyahhh…."

Ding!

—Continue reading here—

[God's announcement! God candidate Leon Traxler has released a new video!

Video name: Harem Member Gets Into Screeching Match with Scar Drake Mid Orgasm and Scares the Dragon Away!

User's Notifications Temporarily Blocked]

—

Ding! [Event: Beast Overlock Entertainment Value increased by (40) points! 150/100

Note: We're in discussion for an extra bonus reward in the extremely unlikely event that you survive this.]

—

"Stop the fucking notifications!"

"GYAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Mayaakakakai! Kiiiiiiii!"

Booooom!

Booom!

BOOM!

"I just need a weapon! Anything!" Leon cried, "Interface!"

—

Name: Hunter S. Thompson

Age: 21

Class: Harem Leader

Level: 34

Title: Freak-In-The-Closet (New!)

[User Info]

[Skills] (5) (New!)

[Stats] (69)

[Members] (2)

[God Relationships] (12) (New!)

[Item Storage]

[Notifications] (69+) (New!)

[Milestones] (34) (New!)

[Rewards] (18) (6) (New!)

[Aphrodite's Corner] (New!) (18,951) (New!)

[The Forbidden Library] (2) (New!)

…

Welcome to Aphrodite's Corner!

Congratulations! You've earned over 10,000 SP! You've been gifted a complimentary item. Choose one of the following items.

[1]: Burning Hellwhip [Whip] (Unique)

[2]: Golden Cuffs [Item] (Rare)

[3]: Sir Lance a LOT! [Sword] (Epic)

—

"Bingo! These will all be mortifying, but I'll take anything right now!" Leon cried.

The only option that made sense was [3] because it was an Epic item. That and who the hell knows how to fight with a whip? He only knew one protagonist who used a whip, and they [literally] didn't have to worry about dying. Must be nice.

He didn't have time to be jealous of other people's happy, deathless lives. So he quickly chose the third option and closed his interface.

His hand lit up with a bright purple light.

—

Ding! [Event: Beast Overlock Entertainment Value increased by (800) points! 950/100

Note: Don't mind us. You broke the number limits ages ago. So we'll just be throwing more points for our amusement.]

—

"Wait, wha—"

"YEEEEAAAAAIIIIIIIIAAAHHHH!~"

Without even glancing at the item in his hand, he turned to the sound of the howling creature in the room. In a fluid motion, he brought his new weapon down towards the creature but stopped at the last second.

"Ahhhhhhhhh!~" Lindy screamed in pleasure, "Leon! Please tell me…."

She panted twice between deep breaths.

"That…." She continued breathlessly, "Is that for me."

Leon looked down for the first time. When he did, he instantly understood why he received 800 Entertainment Value points!

He was holding a four-foot purple dildo on a hilt!

That wasn't all. Not even close. If one looked closely or from a far distance—as it didn't matter—they could see the thing fucking giggled when Leon moved it!

How the hell was he supposed to kill something with a four-foot purple silicon claymore cock!?

BOOOOOOM!

Caitlyn's Stalker Instincts: Danger Sense instantly alerted her that there was real danger in the room.

She pried her mouth from Lindy's lower body with a vicious growl that left the impression she was a lion feeding right before the attack. It was terrifying.

Lindy fell off the table and entered a battle stance, bottomless, with shaky legs. She looked like she could collapse at any moment.

Unfortunately, the beast, a supra-inbred hell possum, had already crushed through the wall and was attacking.

Unable to release the mythical intestine slayer in his hands, all he could do is try to get the things attention by shaming the creature.

Hoh? You think you're tough? Hah! I can kill you with my woman's sex toy to prove how pathetic you are!

That was the cringe-inducing taunt Leon was hoping for when he swung Sir Lance a LOT like a baseball bat seeking to hit third base on the first shot.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Leon, Caitlyn, and Lindy stared blankly into the distance. They were all irreparably perplexed by what they had just seen. However, they were far more shocked by what they were looking at.

The sight they were feasting their eyes upon was the 120 beasts summoned by Beast's Betrayal to kill them. It was truly a horrifying scene. That's why their faces should have been flushed with fear or anxiety.

However, the nonplussed expression on their faces told the beasts, gods, and heavens themselves that they were confused.

It wasn't just them. While the hellscape of death staring at them would naturally cause someone to view life in slow motion, the unmoving landscape wasn't caused by adrenaline.

Everything was frozen in confusion.

What was so confusing? The ability for the 120 death machines and party members to see each other! Leon and his party were in an enclosed room half a second ago!

The possum's blood was covering a 15-foot dread seagull from the abyss. Said sinister snapper was 400 feet in the distance at a 60-degree angle.

Even for Leon, the physics-meets-geometry problem before him was completely unexplainable. He'd have a better shot at understanding Caitlyn's love for him!

Leon looked at his angel and bottomless beauty and then down at [Sir Lance a LOT!] in his hand. After two seconds of staring at it blankly, he summed up the situation.

"Nice!"