Chp.21: Third attempt at persuasion

Haku hadn't slept that night. For some reason, he couldn't get Misune's words out of his head.

Two had always been Haku's wishes. The first was to protect his family, and while he wasn't perfect, at least he was trying hard. The other was to detach himself from his kind. He wanted to be a dragon that didn't live the violent and brutal lifestyle that only the strongest, most adaptable, or cruelest had a right to live, while everyone else was excluded. A lifestyle that precluded any social interaction other than fighting and killing. Haku wanted to be able to live in the company of his brothers and sisters, away from trouble, and die next to them. To live in a way dragons didn't normally live.

But was that really all there was? Was Haku, despite everything he'd done, still a dragon acting like a dragon? It shouldn't have mattered to him. After all, why should the newcomers' point of view have any value? For newcomers, any creature that did anything to survive was a monster, and dragons were no exception. Even if Haku had been a dragon different from the others, for them he would have always been just and only a monster. Nothing more.

Still, he hated that Misune had still hit a point. Indeed, until now it had only been his intelligence that allowed him to be different. Without it he would have been just like all other dragons, like his parents. Just like those he despised so much. While that only had value from the newcomers' point of view, Haku was infuriated at the prospect.

He wasn't a dragon like the others. He wasn't a monster who thought only of himself. He had a family, he had loved ones. But did that really set him apart from other dragons?

If they had his intelligence and the choice, how many other dragons would actually have chosen the brutal lifestyle they were forced to live? And how many instead would have chosen to keep their families together?

He didn't like the answer. He knew what it was, but he didn't even want to tell himself. Because he knew that otherwise, he'd have to admit he was still a dragon like everyone else of his kind, just a little luckier.

Haku wanted to be a different dragon, a better dragon, but how many of his decisions had really allowed him to be better, and how much was just the result of luck?

That thought kept him awake all night. In the morning, the gladiators started to repopulate the common room again, and Darbi had disappeared into the toilets doing who knows what. Haku spent the time watching the newcomers starting their usual activities, and eventually Zamor got out of his bed too.

Haku remembered Misune's words that Zamor believed that he only saw him as a pawn. Which, technically, was absolutely true. But how to change this belief? Haku didn't know how to do it. If he had tried to be charitable or thoughtful, Zamor would have sensed the deception. He wasn't stupid after all. No, that way, Haku would only risk making things worse. But then what to do?

Misune's words came back to her mind. When your path makes you go around, then you have to change direction. Haku wasn't sure he could change the direction of his life, indeed he didn't believe it at all... but maybe he could apply that sentence to improve his relationship with Zamor. Any deception or lie wouldn't work, so maybe the best choice was to do the exact opposite: be honest and tell things like they were. Change direction, as Misune had said.

It was worth trying. "Misune, go get Zamor. Tell him I want to discuss with him" he ordered.

The slave girl looked a little surprised, but she obeyed without objecting and went to the lizardman informing him of Haku's request. Zamor narrowed his eyes and looked nervous, but nevertheless answered his call. After warning him, Misune walked away to give them some space. The lizardman reached Haku and then he asked him: "Here I am. What do you wish for this time?"

Haku nodded to him with a slight movement of his head. "Sit down. I want to talk to you alone, face to face"

The lizardman was clearly nervous, but sat down on the floor nonetheless. This proved his courage: even if it was impossible for him to escape from the dragon, the survival instinct still requires him to remain standing to be ready to run away from the monstrous creature. Sitting next to him meant he was able to master his fear quite a bit. "It's about what we talked yesterday?"

"Do you need to ask? We don't have many topics to talk about in here" Haku said sarcastically. "Yesterday you said you don't trust me"

Zamor clenched his fists. "That's right. I won't go back on my words"

"And I'm not going to make you take them back. Because you're right"

It took a few seconds before Zamor could understand what Haku had just said. When he did, his mouth dropped. "Um... what?" he exclaimed, not expecting the dragon to say such a thing to him.

Haku let out a growl. "You have every reason to not trust me, and you're right. I've deceived and used more people than I remember. And nothing I can do or say is going to get you to trust me. It's instinctive, you know well you shouldn't, and that is something that nothing and no one can change. But..." and the dragon's eyes narrowed. "... I still want you to help me"

Zamor listened carefully to her every word, and then heaved a sigh and scratched his head. "Seriously? Do you want me to help you after you told me I shouldn't trust you?"

"I didn't say you shouldn't trust me. I said it's normal that you don't trust me. They're two very different things" Haku replied. "And yes, I want you to help me. And I'm sure you will"

Zamor bit his lip nervously. "Why?"

"Because I know what it's like to feel responsible to someone" Haku replied.

The lizardman chuckled softly. "Really? Do you know it? Can you really say that you felt the fear for that person's life, the sense of oppression when everything around you seems to collapse, the desire to escape which, however, contrasts with that of protecting others?"

Zamor clearly thought he was putting him in trouble, instead Haku replied calmly: "Yes. Not a day goes by without me feeling them. The fear... is like a snake, it envelops your mind and crushes it, and you keep trying to predict how things will turn out, and the more new and terrible scenarios appear in your brain, the more the fear increases... until you are almost paralyzed with terror, not from yourself, but from the knowledge that the consequences of your choices will fall on those people you care about... and in the end you have no choice but to choose the safest path and throw yourself headlong, even if it could have horrible setbacks". Haku clicked his tongue. "The feeling of oppression... it's like having a boulder on your shoulders, which continually tries to crush you with its weight... you would like to free yourself, you would like to let it go, but you know that above that boulder there are the people you care about, and that if you drop it they too will fall and be crushed… and so you keep carrying the boulder on your shoulders, day after day, night after night… and it doesn't matter how tired you are, because you can't stop, not until you won't have reached a safe place to put down your arms and let the people you love down"

Zamor was left speechless. Those weren't lies: they were the words of someone who had really experienced those emotions. He knew this because he himself would not be able to describe them before he was forced to abandon his life as a fisherman and embark on the most difficult task of his life to save his wife and his people. For the first time, he completely believed the words Darbi had told him the day before: Haku really was someone ready to sacrifice himself for those he loved. It was absurd to think that a monstrous and insane creature like Haku could perform such an act, yet Zamor was sure he would.

"And finally, the desire to escape... I felt that too. Very, very intensely" Haku continued, and a shadow seemed to pass before his eyes. A large, winged shadow, similar to a horned lizard. "I have looked death in the eyes several times, but one in particular has remained in my memory. Every part of my body was screaming at me to flee, my survival instinct required me to run as far as possible, but I had someone I cared about would get hurt. Even if that moment only lasted a couple of seconds, in my head it felt like centuries, millennia, millions of years. I saw the world stop around me, and fear attacked me like never before and how it ever has in the future. But then, something clicked. My will to protect that person was stronger, and my body threw itself against them and pushed them away from the jaws and the claws of the monster that was about to tear them apart. That time I survived by sheer luck... but that moment has never left my memory"

Zamor noticed that Haku's tone had become slightly more anxious and that his claws were scratching the floor, a sign that the memories he was reliving must be really unpleasant. He couldn't help but ask: "What kind of monster was it?"

Haku was silent for a moment, then he replied: "It was a dragon". There was another moment of silence, and then he added: "And it was my father"

For a few moments, neither of them said anything. Then Haku turned fully to the lizardman and fixed him with his piercing eyes. "That's why I know you'll help me. You don't trust me? All right, I don't trust you either actually. After all, you could very well betray me halfway through the plan. But I don't care". His face moved closer to Zamor's one. "I will try to escape because that is my duty. Because there are people out there who believe in me, and whom I cannot abandon. I have already risked losing them once and I refuse to be separated from them one second longer. Last time I screwed up with them, just like you screwed up with your wife and your people, but I don't care. I want to see them and hug them again. If you want to wallow in self-pity and do nothing, okay; I'll find someone else who has the balls to lead gladiators to freedom. But if you still have a modicum of self-respect left, and you still love the people who counted on you, then stop being careful and take this chance, because we both know you won't get another!"

The dragon and the lizardman looked into each other's eyes. Neither of them knew how long they remained in that position, perhaps minutes, or hours, or perhaps even centuries; no one blinked even for an instant. They were so close that they could both feel each other's breath crashing on their lips. And finally, it was Zamor who spoke: "You know, your brother said something similar yesterday. About the fact that I have no reason to be afraid to lead the gladiators out of here, because even if we fail and die, at least we'll do it as free men, while in here we will all die within a few years as prisoners, torn to pieces by beasts or killed by our own companions. This is the fate of a gladiator after all". He seemed to reflect on what he just said, then he asked: "Tell me the truth, Haku: if I refuse your offer again, will you kidnap my wife to force me?"

"Why ask a question you already know the answer to?" Haku asked back. "I told you, I have to get out of here, and I will do it by any means. You can choose to get out of here as our equal or as our pawn. Either way, you still have my word that once out I will let you both go, alive and unharmed"

"As I imagined" Zamor murmured, then his gaze became determined. "But that's not enough for me. I want something more"

Haku let out a snort. "What do you mean?"

"When we're out of here, you'll have to help me free my people" Zamor answered. "This is my request. Promise me, and I will lead the gladiators for you"

Haku gritted his teeth, clearly annoyed by that request, but he still said: "I promise you'll get my help". He had made that promise so lightly because it could have many meanings: help could also be understood only as providing resources, or giving advice, or pointing the way.

Evidently Zamor noticed this, because he sighed. "I guess I couldn't ask for anything better" he said.

"No. I'm already generous enough like this" Haku replied.

"Yeah" the lizardman murmured, then he said to him: "You are a horrible person. You don't care about others and you would hurt anyone for your own purposes. You have no regard for anything or anyone. You have no morals. For this reason I will never trust you. But I too have people out there waiting for me and counting on me. And I don't want to die in this place, not seeing the sunlight, scrambling to breathe some clean air, imprisoned for a crime that I did not commit. So I will lead the gladiators as you ask me. If this choice will mark my end, and as I imagine you will betray me... I will accept it. At least I will die in battle and for something I believe in. Like people usually say, it's better die free than live as slaves". He reached out his hand. "So, do we have a deal?"

Haku looked at him intently, then raised his paw and extended one of his claws. The lizardman took it and squeezed it. The two looked into each other's eyes intensely, then ended that bizarre handshake.

"So, now we're all in agreement?"

The two turned slightly and saw Darbi approaching, followed closely by Misune. Evidently they must have watched and heard at least part of their conversation.

Zamor gave Haku one last look, then he replied: "Yes, we are. So, what's the plan?"