10

The first day was marked by two potions lessons for Henry.

Namely, in the morning, Henry went to the dungeons in the company of the other students and the headmaster.

Even as they went to get their books, Henry decided that Snape didn't like him. By the end of the first two lessons, he realized how wrong he had been. Snape didn't just dislike Henry - he hated him.

The potions lessons took place in the dungeon. The air was more relaxed here than in the castle, and his hands were covered with goosebumps even when he wasn't looking at the various spirited creatures in the jars lining the walls.

Snape rolled through the journal first and paused when he said Henry's last name.

- Ah, yes," he said quietly. - Henry Potter. Our new... celebrity.

The students snarled. Henry, without thinking, stood up and bowed on all sides.

- Ladies and gentlemen, you can ask for autographs after class!

- Sit down, Potter! - Snape barked.

- "As you say, Professor," Henry replied complacently. One clapper is not enough to teach good manners.

Two! Or three. Or something better? It's repetitive, is it?

Snape grinned.

- No, he didn't. Stand up, Potter.

- Are there going to be push-ups?

- No. What do I get if I mix ground asphodel root with wormwood decoction?

- A sleeping potion, sir. It's also called Death's Throat. Sir, would it affect the properties if I were to mix it in a finely chopped concoction instead of pounded root? And if you use Steller's wormwood instead of bitter wormwood? Or Caucasian wormwood?

The professor squinted unkindly.

- I'll explain it to you in class. It would be superfluous to demand that you truly understand how beautiful the boiling cauldron and the shimmering steam above it is or expect you to appreciate the fragile power of the infusion, coursing through your veins, enveloping your mind, blurring your senses... I can teach you how to boil glory, cook happiness, even cork death - if you are even slightly more capable than the mob of dunces I usually have to teach you. Potter, where would you look for bezoar if I asked you to fetch it?

- At the potions shop, professor.

- Is that so?

- Professor, if I need it urgently, I won't have time to chase goats up and down mountains. It would be easier to buy.

Snape grimaced, but there was no cover.

- All right. Sit down, Potter. Take out your parchments and write down the recipe for the potion.

Everyone dutifully wrote down the recipe on the blackboard. Then, just as obediently, they got cauldrons and ingredients for cutting - and set about making the potion.

That is, wizards.

Henry stared dumbfoundedly at Snape for a moment before he began to retrieve his "lab kit," as Liz called it, from his oversized bag.

Namely, rubber gloves, a special apron and mask, and a dressing gown to not get his clothes dirty...

- Potter, what is this?

- Professor, I don't know how you allow children in class dressed like that, but I still have a life to live," Henry began to put on the dressing gown.

- Minus ten points from Ravenclaw!

- For looking out for your own safety? Even Muggles do that sort of thing. And wizards are the coolest?

- Wizards know how to put up a shield so they don't get hit...

- What, even freshmen? We have our first class today - and if you don't put it up...

Snape is furious.

- Potter, your harness will only do you a little good if the cauldron melts...

- Professor, it's like living in the Middle Ages! So the children need to be taught safety procedures, they are not protected, not adequately explained or shown anything, not even a lab technician assigned to them, and we can't even take care of ourselves? You know, even the shittiest little Muggle school has basic safety precautions.

- POTTER!!!

- Yes, Professor," Henry nonchalantly pulled his gloves over his hands.

- TO THE DIRECTOR! IMMEDIATELY!!!

- Э... where's the director? It's my first day...

His classmates looked at Henry with round eyes.

- I'll take you myself," Snape hissed. - everyone else brews a potion - and has it ready by the time I get there...

- There were at least three dead bodies here!? Professor, are you determined to ruin the entire future of the magical world? Leave the children alone!? In a lab!? And put them in charge of the experiments!? Voldemort isn't enough for you; you want to kill the rest of them?!

A gurgle escaped the professor's lips, and the questions were unequivocally unanswerable. Snape grabbed Henry by the shoulder and dragged him out of the office.

The Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff looked at each other.

- Suicide," the Hufflepuff boy declared.

- Yes, but he's right, isn't he? - Terry Booth asked pensively into the space. - You really shouldn't... It is dangerous.

Sure enough, the potion was left uncooked. Everyone had a burning desire to live. And with their limbs intact.

***

Meanwhile, after dragging Henry through the corridors of Hogwarts, Snape flew into Dumbledore's study. Henry looked around with interest...

Study. Books. A hat. A bird on a perch. Nothing special; it's not a chem lab.

And the headmaster.

Henry genuinely wondered if it was the fashion for stars on clothes in a magical world - or if it was the headmaster who was so starstruck.

- What is it? - Dumbledore looked surprised, rising from his desk. - Severus? Harry?

- Your Potter! He was... just... - Henry was silent for the moment, leaving the Potter to rage on. According to Snape, it appeared that Henry had undermined almost all the foundations of the magical world by his appearance at the potions lesson. There was a reason Voldemort was dying for him. Even his birth was already dangerous for people!

Dumbledore listened. And turned a reproachful look on Henry from under his half glasses.

- Harry, my boy, what have you to say?

Henry immediately snapped back.

No! From now on, he would be called Henry - and only Henry. Enough! And that name - and his notoriety!

- Principal Hamburger!

- My name is Dumbledore, Harry.

- And my name is Henry, Headmaster. Pleased to meet you.

Dumbledore clapped his blue eyes. Henry stared persistently over his head. Why? Not touching anyone, just standing there playing holy innocence.

- Э... Mr. Potter?

- Yes, Professor?

- What did you and Professor Snape have against each other?

Snape hissed through his teeth. Henry raised his eyes to the sky again.

- The professor had decided he could trust untrained freshmen, without protective gloves, goggles, or dressing gowns, to brew potions that would melt the cauldrons.

- Dressing gowns?

- Just no protection of any kind. Is this your survival test? Like an obstacle course?

- Harry, my boy.....

- Yes, Professor TwoBulldog?

- My name is Dumbledore, Harry.

- Yes, Professor DoubleDog.

- Oh, he's kidding! - It dawned on Snape.

- But he's still alive and well. I wish the rest of you the same," Henry retorted. - You don't need Voldemort with that attitude. You'll get yourselves killed!

The phoenix rolled his eyes and sagged suspiciously on his perch.

- There! - Snape burst into a frenzy. - Did you hear that?!

Dumbledore took on an eerily reproachful look. Alas, it had not worked on Henry for three years now.

- Gah... Henry, my boy, is that any way to talk?

- You can't say it, but you can do it? Did you have schools inspected by anyone? Do what you like? How do you report to your parents at the end of the term? Excuse me, is your child missing a leg, an ear and an eye? Did the boiler explode twice?

Henry was angry for a reason. How many times has Liz hit him? And here's the news. No safety precautions, nothing! He doesn't need the magical world; he can kill himself at home!

The professors looked at each other. The news of the inspection clearly did not make them happy.

- You see, my boy," began Dumbledore, not so blandly, "the school simply cannot physically provide for all...

- So you've decided to kill half of them? And take care of the rest?

- Potter, you don't have to go to Potions. - Snape hissed.

Harry shrugged.

- I might drop out altogether. The school year had just started, so any time!

- Severus! Harry!

- Yes, Professor?

- Yes, Professor Dumblepups?!

- Mr. Potter, I find Severus has a point.

- Right about something, left about something - will we be provided for? Or can we go and buy it with our own money? I won't be a pauper...

- Potter," Snape hissed, "it was all right for everyone...

- Yes, dead men are usually quiet!

- Henry, go outside the door, my boy, and wait for the professor there," Dumbledore restrained himself as best he could. Such insolence from a child he certainly did not expect.

- Professor, did your mother cheat on your father with you? - Henry could not help it. The "my boy" address gave him a fit of snide remarks.

Now he could paint a picture of the two professors as "dumb and dumber." The big beautiful eyes and wide-open mouths stood out in particular.

- А...

- Eh...

- As I'm not in an intimate or familial relationship with you - I only have one hypothesis. No? Then allow me to adjourn; I have already read the answer on your wise... faces.

Henry dashed swiftly out the door - and just in time. Something heavy was knocked against it. A device from the headmaster's desk? Or Snape?

Definitely, the first day was off to a fun start. The important thing now was to keep surviving.

***

But no, ten minutes later, Snape emerged from the office, kind as a viper that had been run over three times by a car. Henry looked at him innocently.

- Are you all right, professor?

- Potter! Of all the vile, insolent, disgusting, uneducated creatures...

Henry didn't finish listening.

- Tell me, professor, did I bring down the Bastille, too?

- What the fuck... Bastille, Potter?!

Hogwarts had never seen a Snape so vicious. He realized he was being bullied, so he drew his wand. Henry screamed - and rushed through the corridors.

At the shriek, the headmaster flew out of his office.

- Severus!!!

- Potter!!!

- Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

It was fun for everyone. Especially the ghosts and portraits, a couple of which even collapsed off the wall. Henry jumped onto the railing and slid right down it. Snape missed him twice with some kind of spell, but that only added to the boy's excitable squeal.

True, Dumbledore missed too. But who was he aiming at?

There was a phoenix whirling and howling from above.

And that's how they got to the bottom of the tower, right in the company of a bewildered Hagrid, who was immediately followed by Henry.

- Stupefy! Immobilus!

- Petrificus Totalus!

Henry barely dodged the falling frozen Hagrid, glanced at the equally stooped Snape - and innocently inquired of the headmaster:

- Is this the usual method of problem-solving? Or only on Tuesdays?

Dumbledore squinted and started pointing his wand at Henry.

Naive...

- Im...

- Professor! You what!?

Heavy cavalry came to the rescue in the form of faculty deans. Still needs to be frozen.

***

It took about an hour or two to clear the air. When Hagrid was unmasked, Snape was unfrozen, and Henry was pulled by the ears (a thank you to Professor McGonagall - and Henry promised himself he would thank her shortly).

Ten points were taken off Ravenclaw - no more were allowed at all for the time being; Henry was assigned to work out with the Potionsmaster - and handed over to Flitwick. Dumbledore went to treat his nerves with tea and lemon wedges. Snape crawled off to his dungeon, and Hagrid, forgetting his squid medicine, simply went to the inn. It's not every day you get a spell like this... ...to put a while on you like that.

- I must say, Potter, you were in your right," said Flitwick. - But you shouldn't have demanded so harshly...

- Professor, forgive me, but I wanted to live.

- Well... Henry, I believe a committee is now coming to the school...

- That's the principal's problem, not mine.

- The Headmaster's problems are the problems of Hogwarts.

- Are they?

- You're judging the Muggle world, Henry. And here... You should be careful not to annoy the... kraken.

Henry grinned. Well, more Kraken, less squid...

- You're an overconfident young man.

- Sorry, Professor," Henry sighed repentantly. He treated the half-goblin well. Clever man, though.....

- Be very careful, Henry. Very.

Henry nodded placidly.

- But am I really right, professor?

- You are right. But at Hogwarts...

- The one with the most rights?

- Henry, do you understand me?

- Yes, Professor.

- Then I hope it won't happen again?

- I promise, professor.

Of course, it won't. It's no fun to do it again; we'll develop something new.