Chapter 181

The next morning I woke up to stare at the sunlight coming in through the armored blinds and just wondering what the hell I had done.

I wasn't being sarcastic either.

The fact was, going up on stage like that was a fundamental change to what music was to me. Before I had done it purely for my own relaxation, and now? Now it was something more, maybe something I wouldn't be able to control.

I shook it off and got up. There was no use in worrying about what was already done. I had a lot of work to do today.

Getting dressed I headed out, and straight towards Lizzies. While Nox had been at the Red Dirt last night, I hadn't decided whether I would do this or not then.

Honestly after sleeping on it I still wasn't sure, but I knew I should. That it was silly to be so embarrassed about my playing in front of a crowd.

As I pulled up to Lizzies, I frowned when I didn't see Rita, which wasn't unusual. I would have liked to talk to her about everything though, get some of her big sister counsel.

I entered without any trouble, and headed down to see Judy.

"You're here early." I commented as I entered into her little sanctum, seeing her working her way on a computer already. Honestly I had just expected to do another drop off.

"Huh? Oh, it's morning. Been here all night." She finally replied, blinking at me with a face that spoke of lack of sleep. "Haven't seen you in a while." She offered and I winced, at the judging tone.

"Yeah, I haven't had any BD's that I could let out… And I guess I've just been focused on my own stuff… How are you? Edit any interesting XBD's recently?" I asked as I moved into Judy's basement. Settling on a chair.

She gave me a look of amusement at my question. "None that I'll share with a kid." She offered and I couldn't help but laugh. True enough. I wasn't very interested in hearing about her weird porn.

"I have a BD… This one is a bit different than before, so I'm not sure. How much would it cost to have this BD edited, for like… Personal stuff?"

"How long is it?" She asked instantly all business.

"Oh… Um… Just over twenty minutes?" I offered, trying to think how long each song took.

"Hmm. Alright, I'll do it, but it's not gonna be cheap. What's it about?"

"I did a gig." I answered back, and Judy blinked at me.

"That doesn't explain anything."

"Oh, not that kind of gig. I did a music gig. I played on stage. It's the BD recording of it."

"What? Let me see!" She demanded and I flushed at her interest.

"It's not that interesting." I tried to demure, but she wasn't having it.

"Sure it is. I liked your other music. I pulled a copy of Inner Universe and listen to it sometimes." She answered, back.

"What why?" I said almost strangled, and she just laughed at me.

"Cause it's a good song you gonk. Besides, it's interesting knowing the person who wrote a song. Alright, I'll edit this one." She waved at me, and I pulled the shard free.

She took it and quickly inserted it into her system looking it over.

"Some interesting emotion patterns on this one."

"Well, I was pretty nervous."

"Not really seeing that, emotion profile shifts rapidly… Were you singing the emotions of the song?"

"I guess?" I answered, I suppose I had done that. When the song was sad, I was sad, when it was angry I'd been angry.

"Huh. Alright this'll take a while. I won't be good company while working on this. Want me to call you when it's done?"

"Sure!" I stood up smiling at Judy's offer. "Thanks, I appreciate it."

"Eh, it's fine. It'll be nice to edit something that isn't hardcore fetish shit." She offered and I flushed a little at her words.

—---

When I got back home, I was surprised to see Jun and Akari together. Considering the last time I had seen Jun wa with Alice, and Rita.

But something was wrong. Jun was brooding in his stupid bad boy way. Something was wrong. "Hey Akari. What's going on?"

"You remember Yuto?" Jun asked after a moment, and I felt myself frown.

"Your choom. The one that got out of prison."

"He went through with it." Jun said as if that should explain anything to me. "He tried to murder Kisaru. He flubbed it though." He explained and I shrugged.

"Okay?"

"Motoko. I'm his friend. Fujimura is already getting some questions on if I'm involved."

"Okay? But you aren't. Tell Fujimura he tried to get you to help but you said no."

"Motoko. Just being involved in plotting to kill a higher up in the Claws is enough to lose your head. I should have told Fujimura as soon as Yuto asked me about it. I didn't. Which makes me part of it."

"Shit. Stupid fucking gangster politic bullshit." I cursed then I realized that Akari was here. "And Akari is here to help?" I asked, only to get a flinch from the woman, who had kept her face onto Jun this whole time without shifting.

"Not exactly." Jun explained, my confusion must have been obvious as I turned to Akari.

"I'm Jun-Boys Guard dog. Bark bark." Akari cut in. Her voice was decidedly flat. "If he tries to help Yuto, or I find proof he was involved… I'm his killer."

The next moment I realized I had activated my Sandevistan. Without thought, pure instinct I had moved. A threat to Jun. I reacted to neutralize it.

I slammed into Akari, faster than she could react, knife flashing, it was only the woman's own sandy activating that kept my knife from plunging straight into her eye.

It was the only weak point in her chromed out skull to get to her brain and kill her instantly.

The mental calculus was processed without a thought, without higher thinking.

It was only Jun that kept me from drawing my Burya and finishing the job as Akari struggled to keep my knife from plunging in. He grabbed me from around my chest, seemingly purposefully holding tight against my holster so I couldn't draw it as he dragged me away.

I slumped a bit in his arms, but mostly to make him think I wouldn't struggle.

She had threatened Jun. So she would die. Simple. Life was really simple sometimes.

Then Akari started laughing.

"Oh fuck! I forgot how much of a crazy little shit you are! Is that a sandy? You got one! Haaaah! How fun!" She offered despite still being half splayed over the couch.

"Motoko. Akari doesn't think I'm involved. She told me what she was ordered to do, and we were trying to figure out what to do when you came home. I trust her. She isn't going to hurt me." Jun whispered to me, but I only had eyes for the threat.

Then to my shock, Akari actually raised her hands up into the air.

"Not about to kill Jun-Boy. He's too cute to kill."

"My brother isn't cute. He's a burrito goblin." I told her bluntly, and then wiggled. "Let go Jun, I won't kill her." I told him, and when he didn't release me I looked up at him and glared until he finally released me.

I sheathed my blade and looked between the two. There was a moment where Akari was staring at me, and we both had a silent understanding.

My threat ranking had just gone up substantially in her eyes, and there was actually a bit of fear in her motions now.

I wasn't the cute kitten scratching her, I was a big cat with capability. It changed our relationship in a way, but that was for another time. It's not like we were that close.

"So if you just do nothing and Yuto gets caught?"

"Then probably nothing." Jun offered smiling, he patted me on the head. "But, if Yuto manages to kill Kisaru? I don't know. I told Fujimura I knew about it. I'll probably pay for not speaking up." He mentioned, and I glared.

Not acceptable. Stupid Yakuza bullshit. I didn't want Jun to have to injure himself for these fucks.

"Then why don't you just hire Section 9 to track him down. I'll even give you a family discount." I offered and Jun looked like he was considering it but eventually he shook his head.

"Motoko. I owe Yuto. More than I can say. I refused to help him with this… But I can't… I don't want to catch him. I know what'll happen if we do." He answered truthfully even with Akari right there. "I hope he realizes this was stupid and leaves. Maybe if he gets out of Night City… I doubt it though. Yuto was always a dumbass."

Jun sounded fond when he said that which only made this more uncomfortable.

Cause I was honestly considering taking care of this problem. Then Jun looked at me, and despite being blank faced, Jun somehow knew what I was thinking.

"Motoko. Promise me to leave this one alone. It's fine as it is, and I won't be part of taking him out. I owe him too much for that."

Was Jun reading my mind? I looked at him with an intense stare, imagining throwing out his Burritos and he didn't flinch or glance at the fridge.

Yet somehow he knew what I was thinking!

"Stop looking at me like that. It's creepy." He demanded and I looked away. Okay, he hadn't gotten mind reading powers, yet how had he known?

"You two are still a riot." Akari commented, looking more at ease. "Aaah I missed this, Little Killer, you should join us more often. I'd love to do some work with you again. You little monster." Akari uttered, but I scoffed at her, and ignored her words.

"Maybe I'll talk to Fujimura about this. I don't like it." I muttered, but Jun just dropped a heavy hand on my head.

"Don't worry. That's my job." He said and then to put word to fact he turned and settled back on the couch nearly instantly turning back into his brooding mode…

Dammit, now I understood. Akari hadn't been brooding alongside Jun when I got home. She had been staring at him while he brooded, just enjoying the view.

Ugh. Jun's bad boy vibe was so dumb, cause I knew how many burritos he ate in a day!

"Promise you'll tell me if something happens." I demanded and Jun nodded.

"I promise." Then he waved me off, returning to his brooding over his choom.

Ugh.

I headed into my room.

—--

*Judy: Don't worry. You won't need to pay. Nox and Mitsunashi both wanted to sell it. It's ready if you want to pick up a copy.*

I blinked at the message, as I was tinkering a bit with a quick hack. I wanted to try and get more functionality out of my net hacks, so I was tinkering with them. The only reason I was getting anything done was my Inspired Programmer. I was literally using the inspiration the perk gave me as a distraction from what was going on.

Then I read the message and knew something was wrong.

*Motoko: What? No, I just wanted a copy for myself, it's not for sale!*

*Judy: Too late for that Nox already picked it up, looking eager.*

*Motoko: JUDY!*

*Judy: Sorry not sorry. It was… Interesting.*

I jumped up and called Nox.

*Motoko! The BD is noooova!*

*Stop! You can't sell it!* I demanded, but then to my horror Nox scoffed.

*Sorry. I already got orders from Mitsunashi. Full production is underway. You'll have to talk to her.*

*It's my BD!* I demanded.

*Heh. Sorry Motoko, I agree with the bit-Hiromi this time. This has got to get around.*

I hung up on him and called Hiromi.

*Motoko! I'm so-*

*Call Nox and tell him to stop! You can't sell my music gig BD! Hiromi!* The line went silent for a minute.

*Motoko? But it's amazing! A live concert BD? Sure there are a few out on the market, but these are brand new songs, and they're good!"

*Hiromi…*

*Motoko, if you really don't want it to spread it around, I'll stop Nox… But can you tell me why?*

*I don't want people to see!*

*People already saw during the gig. You did great!*

*But… But!* I stalled out. I didn't have a good reason not to do so other than I was embarrassed.

I was embarrassed because… Why?

I don't know, but it still made me uncomfortable.

*I'm not comfortable.*

*Is there something I can do to make you more comfortable with it?* She asked and I paced around my room for a minute. Then I took a deep breath, and let it out.

No. I was anxious about nothing.

I took a breath.

Instantly my discomfort disappeared. As I forced myself to feel calm.

*No. It's just my own anxiety about the whole thing. Music is personal to me, me playing it I mean. A BD with me murdering Scavs or something I don't mind… Is it weird that's sort of how I want the world to think of me?" I asked, almost laughing at the idea.

*No, it's very you." She said with a laugh. *But I think this is a good thing. Motoko you've got amazing talent. I want to hear you play more. I want to see you up on stage, and have thousands of people cheering you on. I think you can do it, and I'll do my best to help! I want to help.*

*I don't really see myself as a Rockerboy Hiromi.*

*Then maybe you just need to expand who you think Motoko Kusanagi is, because last night, up on that stage, that's what I saw.*

I didn't have a good riposte for that.

*Motoko, it's just a BD. You've even done music BD's before.*

*It's fine. Go ahead Hiromi. I don't really see any negatives from releasing it. I'm just uncomfortable with the whole thing, but it's nothing but nerves. I've already taken the step onto the stage. I shouldn't… I shouldn't run away from the aftereffects.*

*Nova! Absolutely Nova! I'll take care of it! I'll make sure you don't regret this!*

*I already do.* I teased, but I honestly wasn't that bothered anymore. I had made the decision, and that was that.

Now, I just wanted to get out of the house and do something active.

Ending the call after a few moments of goodbyes, I rose up and started grabbing some gear.

—--

I fired half a magazine before realizing it wasn't what I wanted. I was at the range, and wanted to shoot some guns to distract me, but the silencer was sort of ruining it.

There just wasn't the loud bang I needed.

I paused, taking a moment to unscrew the silencer from the Lexington, and then putting it away in my holster, before lining the gun back up and firing.

The rapid fire retort of rounds flying was much better, and I soon fell into the rhythm, using the sound of the gun shots to stop thinking about music.

This was the music I wanted to share with the world.

Round after round, target after target. Until finally the alert I was waiting for came through.

*100 Reflex XP Gained*

*Reflex Leveled up!*

No wait… I had been trying to level my Handguns to 8! Not Reflex to 9!

Not that I was complaining, but that wasn't what I was working on!

My own exasperation disappeared in moments as I luxuriated in the feeling. I felt looser, quicker, my body felt more able to respond to what I needed it to do.

It felt great.

Still, I was pretty close to a handgun level up… I raised the pistol and started firing.

When I burned through all of my magazines, I took a moment to reload, and fired again, until they were all empty. With that I ran out of the ammo I had brought with, and went to the owner of the range, and bought more.

Fired again.

It felt good to let Cold Blood take over and just feel nothing as I fired over and over.

It was interesting that Cool was a rather subtle stat. It had been pretty high level for so long I had forgotten how it felt when it changed.

Rank 10 Cool.

It wasn't that I couldn't 'lose my cool.' I could still get upset, I could still get anxious, and not want to deal with something.

But the moment I decided. The moment I decided to stop letting my emotions control me, it was like everything changed.

I was in control.

It felt good. One of my favorite things the system gave me, and something I often didn't think about as time went on. It was simply a part of me. Experience, and surety of self that didn't override who I was, but was simply an additive. Something I could fall back on.

Just like someone could practice controlling their anger and still fail to follow through with their practice when the moment came.

—--

I didn't go home after the range. Instead I made a call and went to my netrunner cave.

Thankfully the boys responded, and before I even arrived Malcolm and Ichi were both hanging out downstairs.

"You guys got here fast." I mentioned as the elevator opened, and both of them were camped out in the chairs food strewn about them.

"We were already meeting up to get some food." Ichi explained as he stuffed some chips into his mouth.

They were definitely chips. Yep, couldn't see what it was exactly, definitely. My eyes could magnify my vision? Don't be silly, why would I do something so simple to look at what Ichi was eating.

"Well thank you for showing up. It probably won't be too exciting? I just want to get some more practice in, and maybe offer some services. See what interesting things I can get offered up in exchange."

"Hey, it wasn't the most thrilling thing I've ever seen, but it was still interesting." Malcolm replied.

"And I haven't seen the Combat Zone thing. Malcolm told me about it, but I'm interested." Ichi added.

"Thanks boys." I said earnestly, and then nodded. Settling into the chair I closed my eyes and then opened them on the net.

I checked everything as I noticed Tachikoma's digital avatar wandering around, seemingly much more capable of determining if something was new or not.

It was evolving. Slowly but steadily.