episode 15

15 chapter 15 - who is he and what is he doing to me?

### * - lily titius - * ###

as far back as i can remember, i have always been alone. i felt that i was superfluous in this life, because from the very childhood they talked to me like a dog that they met on the street. absolutely everyone, even like my brothers and sisters, pretended that i was a stranger. my mother died when i was 4 years old and i stayed to live in my father's castle. now i am 16 years old and i think what would have happened if my mother had not died? maybe i wouldn't be so lonely? why did i deserve all this suffering? why can't i have friends like others? why can't i have a family like everyone else? when i see my brothers and sisters being treated with warmth and care, i feel lonely. my father never showed that he loved me. lately, i just think that it makes no sense for me to live and it is better to just die. but i'm still waiting for one thing.

even as a child, the maids taught me to read, and after that, when i learned to read, i read stories about how the great hero saves a girl who was in trouble and after that they lived a happy life until the end of their days. i still think that the day will come and i will see my hero who will save me and take me away from this castle in which i have no place. but still, i understand that this is a simple childhood dream that will never come. and then i just think that it is better to commit suicide, but i cannot do it because i am very much afraid to do it. i am afraid that it will be very painful and maybe i will only make myself worse by it. therefore, i just live and wait for the day when i can see that very hero, as in my children's books.

but recently it happened that has never happened to me before and i cannot describe my feelings. on the next day at the academy, i go back home and meet him. when a group of girls came up to me, they mock me again because my mother was supposedly a prostitute, but i don't believe it. and that's when he told us to get out and never come. i thought that he said it to me too, and just quietly decided to go home. but he most likely said this to those girls, since he caught up with me and started a conversation with me:

"hey wait." he said when he came up to me. "listen, do they often get you that way?

"none of your business." i said because i thought that he decided to make fun of me.

"listen, my name is sam, and what about you?" i just realized that i had already heard his voice somewhere, but i can't remember.

- none of your business. - i said in the hope that he will get off, but apparently it will not be easy to do.

"listen, but this style of communication does not suit you, it is possible that with a smile you will look even more beautiful." when he said this, i decided to just find out what he needed from me and stopped looking at him and said:

- what do you want from me? - (i)

"i just wanted to know your name, and i would also like to continue to see you off, i hope you don't mind." when he said this, i don't know why, but my heart beat faster and i just realized right now that when he said this, it's it was not like when he told that group of girls to leave. no one has ever spoken to me like this with such warmth and concern.

"l-lily." i said stammering not knowing why, but quickly ignoring this feeling and just walked further towards the house.

-i understand you will not mind my escort to your house .- (sam)

"no, not against." i said because i still would not be able to refuse him due to the fact that i always do what they tell me and have already got used to agree to everything.

the rest of the way to the house we spent in silence, sam walked alongside all the way, and every now and then i saw how all the inhabitants looked at us. all this made me uncomfortable and i already wanted to come home and be alone in my room. approaching the gates of the castle, sam said that he would wait for me at the academy every day and see me off. this made me feel warm in my body and saying goodbye i went to the castle. having reached my room, having entered and closed the door, i lay down on the bed and began to remember what happened today.

the guy who was not like everyone else. he is just like that hero in children's fairy tales. handsome, tall and clearly has a lot of muscle under his clothes. his hair is as black as the darkest night, and his eyes, which are blue, are so deep that you can drown in them. his voice, when i first heard him, he was so cold and unemotional, but when he spoke to me, his voice sounded soft and warm. they never talked to me like that and i don't even know what to do. what if this guy is the hero i've been waiting for all my life? what if he takes me out of here and shows me a lot of new and interesting things? i don't know why, but that night i fell asleep with warmth in my body.

over the next few days, sam walked me home and sometimes told different stories. about the great magician who was able to turn himself into a dragon and flew high into the sky. about another magician who became the strongest and traveled from one world to another. i have never heard or read such stories, and when he told them, i listened attentively. but i don't understand why he treats me like that? and one day when he saw me off, i decided to ask him about it.

"sam, why are you treating me like that?" i said and looked into his blue eyes.

"because i want to see your smile, and then look at it every day." he smiled and said this in a warm and gentle voice that made my heart beat faster.

after that i didn't ask him anything and just listened to his stories that he told. every night i wait for the next day and i want to hear his voice, his stories, i want to see him. i don't know what this feeling is, but it makes me feel good and i want to experience it very often.

one day sam invited me for a weekend walk around the city and i decided to agree to this. i've heard that if a guy invites a girl out for a walk somewhere it's called a date. it turns out that he asked me out on a date and we will spend the whole day together. previously, i was always in my room all weekend and did not go out anywhere, but now i have to spend the whole day outside the house. i hope that this day will be the best one that i will remember for a long time. i want sam to be that hero and fulfill my childhood and stupid dream.