Chapter 8: The Hurting

Third Person POV

“Okay…but you haven’t had your lunch yet Alex.” Bree matched Alex’s pace as they walk towards the latter’s apartment. She is concerned at the older girl’s figure now that she even has to work with that kind of body.

“I have food in the apartment.” Alex replied nonchalantly. She started humming to the tune of a song they had always sing back in grade school. Bree noticed this and started humming along.

They exchanged knowing looks and started strutting like they are kids again. Back in the days when they didn’t have a care in the world. When they just existed in their own bubble of happiness.

Finally, they arrived at the apartment and Alex went straight to kitchen to fix her lunch, dropping her things in her room as she passed by. Bree comfortably situated herself at the couch. When Alex returned, she was carrying a bowl of spicy noodles with her right hand and clutching two bottle of sodas in her arms. She plopped beside Breana and faced her.

The younger one helped her by taking the drinks out of her arms and putting it in the glass center table. She opened her drink and took a chug while Alex started with her food.

“Do you still remember during third grade when there was someone who always steal and eat my lunches?” Bree was staring at nothing when Alex glanced at her.

She's probably reliving those moments, Alex thought. She hummed in response to the question as she continued eating.

“It was because of that person you have to share your food with me or you would stealthily escape class to buy me food in the cafeteria.” Bree looked at her while saying this. She is always thankful for what the older girl did for her until they separated. Alex was her hero. WAS.

“I was just wondering. One day, I was expecting my lunchbox to be empty or have been eaten in but it seems the person did not touch it. Days passed then I realized they must have stopped doing it.”

To Breana’s surprise, Alex suddenly spit her food, almost hitting the other girl. She had to put down her bowl in a coughing fit. Bree opened the other soda bottle and handed it Alex. After drinking and letting her coughing subside, Alex surprisingly broke out in a laughing fit clutching at the sides of her stomach.

“You’re crazy. What is wrong with you?” The younger woman was puzzled by the other’s reactions.

“It’s because I’m the reason he stopped doing it.” Alex started saying. “Well, it didn’t took long enough for men to figure out what’s actually happening and who was the culprit.” She explained to the confused girl who just furrowed her brows, thinking how that could be possible.

Alex continued with her story and explanation of what had transpired. Bree is expectantly listening, urging her to make light of the incident.

“Truth is, I actually put lots of chili powder in your food one time. I made sure it wasn’t obvious. All I had to do is wait.” Alex smugly said.

The Bree’s expression changed, a realization dawned on her. “So that is why Xin can’t stop bawling his eyes out and he had to put his tongue out in the water fountain the entire lunch break!” They even teased the guy to have contracted rabies for acting like a dog lapping the water like that.

Alex nodded and they are both laughing non-stop now. Bree had to wipe the tears at the corner of her eyes for laughing too much.

Poor guy, but he deserved it. She thought. When they finally subsided from laughing, the room was quiet.

“Why did you have to go away?” It was Bree who broke the silence. The question is not what she really want to ask Alex but it’ll lead there. She turned to face the older girl.

“You know my parents. Always wanting the most prominent schools and the best for their eldest who will soon succeed their position in the company.” Alex’s voice was small. It almost came out as a whisper. For that is what her voice always seemed when she is in their house. Fleeting. Almost unnoticed.

Having strict parents who are both business moguls put extreme pressure to her being the eldest. She cannot do almost everything without their approval and she had to do everything they wanted her to. To groom her into becoming like them, but she did not want that. That’s why she decided to transfer far from their place.

“So I transferred, got a job, jobs actually, I have two to support myself. Not that I don’t have money, I have some, placed in a bank they don’t know of. Sorry for suddenly leaving back then. I-”

“Why did you pushed everyone away? Why did you cut us off?” Alex was taken aback with the sadness and pain in Bree’s eyes as she looked at her. She didn’t expect her to be this affected over her leaving several years ago.

“I…I didn’t know what to do. I was-” She starts to explain once again but …

“We’re not your parents you know. You and Sel are my only real friends back then. You were my hero. And then you had to tell me those words.” Bree was getting emotional as the memories come back to her. Memories that she tried to forget years ago.

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FLASHBACK

“How are you there? Did you make new friends? I and Sel miss you, she just won’t admit it." Bree was expectant and happy with her full smiles when she finally had the chance to skype Alex. Yet, the same cannot be said with the girl on the other side of the screen. She has a scowl on her face.

‘Nothing is okay. I don’t want this anymore.” Alex flatly said.

She knows continuing their friendship over skype or phone calls and texts would be futile for those would be soon be just taken away for practicing whatever her parents would suggest, piano lesson, learning foreign language or tea drinking. She is so angry and childish that she thought of pushing everyone away. Even her best friend Breana.

“Why? Want to talk about it?” Bree is concerned about her. As willing as she might be to talk to Alex as long as it could take but the other already closed off.

“No. Just forget about me. Don’t contact me. I’m done. I’m tired of this.” The older dismissed.

“No, Alex. I’m your friend. How do you supposed I’m going to do that?” She pleadingly look at her.

Bree thought Alex was just trying to guard up her emotions that’s why she seemed close off. She failed to notice Alex is not herself right now, that she’s frustrated and angry. With her parents forcing her. With the world for not caring. With herself for not being able to fight back. He is angry and she has someone in front of her whom she could pour out her anger. And so she did.

“I’m your friend? Why? ‘Cause you only need me to protect you being the oser that you are! You are just like my parents, using me! Without me you’re a joke! Me being there with you is the only thing that made other notice you.” Bree heard the angry tone in her words, stinging her feelings just like a venom. Before Alex had realized what she just said and how hurtful it is, the connection on the other line ended.

Even before Bree pulled down the screen of her laptop to fold, her first tear already dropped.

LOSER.

You are a LOSER.

You are a JOKE.

Alex’s words resounded in her head. The words blaring red in her mind. The person who she thought as her best friend. Her hero. Her heart broke from those words she never thought she could hear from the person whom she trusts and treasured so dearly. And she can’t stop her tears from flowing and messing the painting of them she finished and was supposed to show to Alex that night.

END OF FLASHBACK

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Alex tried to forget that night. She pushed back all the memories that when she met Bree again in school, this time a different one, she decided to act like it never happened. She had grown complacent and thought Breana did the same, that she too, buried the bad memories in her deepest consciousness.

It was just wishful thinking of course.

“Almost every day of my life I had to relive those moments, Alex. What hurts me the most is that it came from you. You, whom I had entrusted my trust so much, so freaking damn much that I lived my life believing those words.”

Bree’s voice is laced with so much hurt that that she had to speak slowly to control the emotions surging through her but her eyes betrayed her. She felt her tears flowing just like that night.

Alex knows it. She knows how much Bree had trusted her and that she is one of the very few who occupies a space in her heart, considering Bree is not even close to her parents and she live with her aunt. She thought that what she had said were just going to be forgotten. That they were just kids and that it wouldn’t matter years later. She never thought how much of what she said affected the younger girl up until now. She feels guilty and ashamed of herself. Despite how difficult it must be to look into Bree’s eyes that are overflowing with pain, Alex tried to, she had to apologize.

“I’m so sorry. I’m really sorry Bree. Nothing I said that night is true. You’re not a loser or a joke. You are one of the best things that ever happened to me. I’m sorry I did that.” This time, it was Alex turn to cry.

“I-I’m so sorry that I’ve hurt you like that, for thinking…that it didn’t matter all these years. I am. I was – a selfish and angry teen that I just… I had to lash out my frustrations out. I’m sor-ry you had to go through that. I’m sorry Bree. Please find it in your heart to – forgive me. Please.” Alex talked in between sobs. She tried to reach out for Bree’s hands but the other pulled them away.

“I can’t do this right now.” She shook her head and walked out the door, wiping her tears as she left a pleading Alex all by herself.

Alex realized now why Bree acted the way she did. She had to know why Alex did what she did and she wanted her to know how much it had affected her, hurt her. Scratch that. How much it is still hurting her.