Chapter 19

I hadn't slept at all the night before. Thinking about kei's attitude towards our situation and trying to find a solution. I still didn't know what I should do. 'Should I just get an abortion?' The thought sent chills down my spine. I really wanted to have this baby especially that Kei was the father. How would my parents take it, though? My dad would kill me. Maybe mom would support me but dad wouldn't let her. 'What if my parents make me get an abortion in the US?'

"Ugh." I groaned before getting out of bed.

I went to school alone, that day. I avoided everyone, even Yoko. I felt bad when she came to ask about me with her concerned eyes. But I just couldn't talk to anyone. I couldn't do it. After we were done with classes, I hurried out. I walked for a long time. I was too agitated to go home. I needed to find a solution, so I walked some more. A few hours later, I finally made it home. The house was really quiet.

"I was waiting for you." Kei was sitting in the living room. His eyes were cold and distant.

"Where is everyone?"

"Jiro has practice, and my parents are attending a charity event." He answered me dryly. "Here." He had a piece of paper in his hand. I walked to him and took it cautiously.

"What is this?"

"I found a place, and I made an appointment for tomorrow afternoon." I read over the card he had given me and then I understood.

"I told you I'm not doing it. I will take care of this baby alone if I have to." Kei stared at me intensely for a while.

"Unacceptable." He started. "How do I know that you won't come to me in a few years using the child to get whatever you want?" His words were like a slap to my face. I couldn't believe what he had just said.

"How could you?" I hissed. "I will go back to Miami and you will never hear of me or this child."

"The appointment is at two, so I will take you around one thirty." He had ignored everything that I had said.

"Are you listening to me?" I yelled.

"Are you listening to yourself?" Kei screamed even louder. "Think with your head Samantha. Do you think your parents will help you? What if they don't? What are you going to do then?" His words hit the spot. My tears were unstoppable. My whole body was shaking. I walked to the couch and sat next to him.

"Kei, please don't do this to me. Let's just have this baby. I will do anything your family asks of me." I pleaded while sobbing. His cold fingers caressed my face softly. Then he pushed to his feet.

"Sorry." He mumbled and walked away. A rage took a hold of my body.

"Selfish bastard!" I roared. I picked up a plate that was on the coffee table and threw it at him. It missed his head, which was my aim, but shattered as it hit the wall next to him.

"Murderer!" I cried. Kei's stiff body stopped moving for a moment. He didn't turn but I could see his fists clenching. Then, he stormed out of the room and a few seconds later, I heard the front door open and then slam. I curled on the couch and let my eyes pour all the tears possible.

"Sam... Sam." I opened my eyes to find Jiro wearing an expression I had never seen before. "Are you alright?" I sat up. I had fallen asleep on the couch.

"Yeah." My voice came hoarse.

"Have you eaten? Mom and dad are going to be late tonight so do you want to have dinner... with me?" He eyed me for a moment, he was acting weird but I didn't have the energy to tell him that. I just nodded because I was starving.

After about twenty minutes, Jiro had a garnished table. A salad, roasted chicken, and a fruit platter. I was pretty impressed. I sat opposite of him and we had dinner in silence. I wanted to ask him about school, make small talk, but my mind was too exhausted and preoccupied. Jiro didn't try to break the silence either, which I was thankful for.

After we finished, I helped him clear the table and put everything away.

"Thank you." I mumbled as I handed him the last plate to put in the dishwasher.

"You're welcome."

"I'm going to bed now. Good night." He was silent for a moment but I heard him whisper 'good night' as I walked out of the kitchen.

That night, I had crazy ideas about running away. I could find a job in another city or town, save up for six or seven months, take a few months off for when the baby came and then go back to work. I could pull it off. I didn't even need to go back to Miami. I would stay here. I started calculating how much rent and food would cost me. I still had some money from my scholarship. Then, I started calculating the things the baby would need; food, diapers, clothes, medicine, then school. I tried to estimate how much of a salary I could get with a high school diploma. 'I don't even have one yet.' A thought rang through my head.

"Fuck." I hissed between clenched teeth. My plan wasn't going to work. It was obviously impossible. I was stuck. My body moved on it's own. I picked up my phone and dialed.

"Hello?" My eyes instantly watered at the sound of the voice.

"Hi."

"Sam, is that you?"

"Yeah."

"Oh honey, how are you?" My mom's voice was full of warmth.

"I'm good." She was silent for a moment.

"What's wrong?" She asked. For a second, I thought I would tell her everything. Tell her that I was pregnant and that I wanted to have the baby. Ask for her advice. But for the first time, I felt all those miles between us. I was a long way from Miami and that was how far I felt from my mom.

"I just miss you." I finally managed to say while wiping a rebellious tear, or maybe two.

"Oh honey, only a few more weeks and you'll be back. How is Amanda and Kenji and the boys?" For a brief moment I blamed her for not figuring out what was wrong. For not detecting my lie about missing her. I did miss her, but that wasn't the whole truth. I blinked a few times and swallowed the ball in my throat.

"Everybody's fine."

"Ok honey, I just got to work but I have a surprise for you when you come back. We all miss you so much."

"Ok, bye." I wasn't going to ask about her surprise. I knew she wouldn't tell me anything anyway.

"Love you." I heard her say before I pushed the button to end the call.

I lied on my bed staring at the ceiling. I didn't know why I had called my mom. What I was hoping for. But it made me long for my family and my home. I just wanted to get out of there.

The next day, I woke up around eleven. Nobody had bothered to wake me up. Not that I was planning on going to school anyway. We only had a half day and I wasn't in the mood for anything.

It took me an hour to get out of bed. My body felt really heavy, it was just dreadful to get it to move. I walked to the bathroom. I looked like shit. Good, because I felt like shit. I went downstairs and froze when I found Kei eating breakfast at the dining room. 'He didn't go to school either.' He looked up for a moment and then looked back down to his scrambled eggs.

I walked to the kitchen and made myself a bowl of cereal. I couldn't stand sitting with him, so I went to the living room. Swallowing Korn Flakes suddenly became hard for some reason. I sat on the couch my mind refusing to think of what would happen in a couple of hours. I just concentrated on chewing.

Suddenly, Kei's phone rang and it made me jump almost spilling milk on the rug.

"Hello?" I heard him answer. He was quiet for a few seconds. "Of course... Yes... Yes." was all he said. Then I heard his chair pushed back and my heart started pounding so hard. Needless to say, I couldn't bring any more spoons to my mouth. 'Is it already time?' I thought swallowing hard.

"I have to go somewhere, but I will be back before the appointment." I looked at him with questioning eyes but he didn't give any more information.

"Fine." I heard myself say. I didn't know if it was an acknowledgment or a challenge but Kei just walked away.

An hour later he called me. I was still in my denial state. I had just taken a shower and was in my room changing.

"Hey, can we meet at the place. I am running a little late." I had this feeling in my gut, it was a horrible feeling like I was about to throw up.

"How late?" I asked.

"I will be at the clinic on time."

"If you are busy, let's just do it another day." I said with a pinch of hope in my voice.

"No need, I will be there." He said before hanging up. I threw my phone on the floor. I felt helpless and desperate.

I was at the clinic at five to two. It was a little hard to find it since it was in a small alley which made it seem really shady to me. I decided to wait inside just because the hot weather wasn't helping my nervousness.

As I stepped into the place, a strong smell hit my nostrils making me cringe. It was probably just iodoform like any other hospital. But to my unstable mind, The only thing I could think of was death. After all, I was there to kill someone. Someone who is growing inside of me. I put my hand on my stomach unconsciously.

A nurse came to me right away and I told her I had an appointment, she looked through her records and confirmed. The whole time I was talking to her my eyes were fixed on the door.

"You can have a seat." She finally released me pointing to a couple of brown plastic chairs. I chose the one facing the entrance.

About five minutes later, the nurse walked to me and gave me a form to fill out. I did and then gave it back to her. She looked over it reading every one of my answers.

"Please follow me." She said turning around. I looked to the entrance again panicking.

"Is it time already?" My voice wavering.

"We have to do a blood test and an ultrasound since you haven't done that yet." The nurse smiled at me sweetly. She probably felt how scared I was.

She drew some blood and then she took me to a small room and asked me to lie down.

"Doctor Kubo will be here in a minute."

Doctor Kubo came three minutes later. She was probably in her fifties. She smiled at me and turned on the big machine next to me.

"How are you, Samantha?"

"I'm good."

"I'm going to put some gel on your stomach, it's going to be a little cold." I nodded as she pulled my shirt up and my pants a little down.

I was so grateful she was a female doctor. I startled when the gel touched my skin. It was cold. Then, I felt the transducer as she started moving it around my lower abdomen. I immediately froze. My heart stopped, the earth stopped. I heard it, the heart beat. My eyes stung from the tears. I covered my mouth and just listened. It was small and fragile. I wished Kei was there to hear it. Maybe he would have changed his mind.

"Alright, I'm done." Doctor Kubo brought me back from my reverie. She wiped the gel off my stomach and recorded some information before leaving.

The nurse showed up only seconds later and took me back to the lobby. I wanted to see Kei so badly. I wanted to beg him again. I wanted to make him listen to our baby's heartbeat. But when I got to the lobby, I found Jiro sitting there.

"What are you doing here?" I was so confused I thought I was seeing things.

"Kei asked me to come." His words could have a lot of meanings. I wanted to ask many questions like; 'why isn't HE here? Or did he tell you everything? Or are you judging me? Or can you help me run away?' But I didn't ask any of those questions. I just sat down on the brown plastic chair next to him as the only remaining thought sank in.

'Kei wasn't coming.'