Chapter 31 - The tape

couldn't

body

"You ready?" Castle asked and I looked up at him, brought back from the memory.

He stood with the tape player in front of us and waited for me to give clearance to start the tape that would finally give me the truth. The truth I had sought for so many years.

"I'm ready" I told him and he pushed play.

He had to turn up the volume for us to be able to hear anything. We heard footsteps, walking into a room and close the door.

an unfamiliar voice asked harshly.

a voice I immediately recognized as Raglan said.

the first voice said harsh.

Raglan asked, almost as if he was fishing for the person to say something specific.

Almost as if he was trying to get a confession out of the man.

the man said laughing mockingly. he continued and I heard myself gasp at the venomous words.

Raglan questioned, I could hear regret in his voice.

the man threatened.

That was the last thing on the tape. I felt Castle's gaze on me but I couldn't find myself to meet his eyes. I was lost in thought. Who was that man? Had Raglan really been that cold hearted and given us the news knowing who'd been behind it? How could he let this happen? Thinking back again on that day, on the moment he'd said they found her body, perhaps I had missed that small glimpse of remorse in his eyes. I'd been too busy trying to escape the reality that had hit me so hard. Perhaps he hadn't been as cold as I had thought he'd been, perhaps he just had tried his best to distance himself to keep from breaking down in front of us, to make sure he wouldn't get killed himself. Why would he make the tape unless it was to make sure he could expose the man sometime in the future. But how did it land in my basement? Did he give it to my mom before she died? Did she know she was in danger but refused to tell us? She didn't even tell my dad?

my mom had said before kissing my forehead.

She had looked like she was in a rush, but I had just figured she had a hard case to get back to. She had told me she loved me with all of her heart, which had been confusing but I had just told her back before I closed the door to the car and waved at her as she drove off. She knew. That's why she had insisted on driving me to school. That's why she had told us to go to the restaurant and wait for her there. She knew she might not come home, and she wanted to make sure we were out of harms way. It wasn't until Castle sat in front of me, stroking my cheeks, that I realized I was crying.

"Kate? Please say something" he said low, trying to get in contact with me.

He had probably tried saying my name a few times because I could see worry in his eyes. I bit my lip before I cleared my throat to be able to talk.

"I'm fine, I just... relived everything" I whispered, my voice cracking.

His eyes told me he wanted to help me, that he would do anything to keep me from reliving those memories. His eyes reminded me of how I had felt once we had first met, when I wanted nothing but to help him from feeling what he was feeling. I couldn't help but let go of a one-chuckle thing and when he gave me a questioning look I decided to share my thought.

"Look at us, both broken in our own way" I said and he shook his head with a small smile.

"But together we're whole again" he said and I thought about what he said.

There was some truth in what he said. I didn't feel as broken when I was with him. Before I met him and Alexis I could've never dreamed of feeling this whole as I did when I was in their company. I couldn't help but lean forward to catch his lips with mine, giving him a gentle kiss before I pulled away and left my forehead touching his. Even when our lips had stopped touching I could feel the ghost of his against mine, my lips tingling like they constantly did when we'd kissed. That was a feeling I hadn't felt with anyone else, that tingling feeling.

"Now, all we gotta do is find a way to compare voices to find out who the men on the tape were" Castle said and I remembered he didn't know Raglan was one of them.

"Well, I know one of the voices, the one who probably taped it was Raglan, the detective handling my mom's case" I told him.

"That's great, then we can find him and ask him" he stopped talking when I shook my head.

"He died a couple years ago in a heart attack, which I, now that I think about it, suspect wasn't caused naturally. If that other man thought Raglan would try tell me or anybody else I doubt he would flinch before ordering another murder" I thought about it.

"Okay" Castle looked like he really tried to think positive and then suddenly his face lit up, "we can check who Raglan was in contact with near before your mother's murder."

"That's actually not a bad idea" I said and he looked proud of himself.

"Perhaps we should go to your precinct and see how they're doing with finding Billy, then we can look into Raglan's phone records" he suggested and I widened my eyes.

"And a bad idea" I said and he gave me a questioning look. "You can't just waltz into a police station where people will know who you are and they won't hesitate from calling the social workers and hold you there for trying to get in contact with your daughter" I explained.

He 'oo'ed with a sad look on his face.

"You don't think the makeup thingy will work on them do you?" he asked but I could already hear he'd given up.

"No, I wouldn't be able to fool my partners with makeup" I said with a sorrowed tone.

He looked down and backed up to sit down on the edge of my bed. I walked forward to him to cradle his face between my hands as I let my thumbs run smoothly across his cheeks.

"Perhaps it's time for me to pull my partners into our investigation" I mumbled mostly for myself but I could see he heard me loud and clear.

"You sure?" he asked carefully and I bit my lip.

"Well, we've got the evidence now and I don't think they would ever want me to go through the process of loosing Alexis in a way were they would be the ones to cause it" I told him and I could see a small smile spread on his lips, " you'll need to wear a cap and glasses to make sure the rest of my colleagues, or my captain, won't recognize you" I added serious.

"Yes! Of course!" he exclaimed.

I couldn't help but chuckle at his childish excitement. Without any warning his hands were around my hips and he pushed me closer to him, so close that I stood in between his legs. I let my hands move from his face to the back of his neck to start fiddle in the nape of his hair. He looked up at me with a loving face for a few seconds before he put his head between my breasts. I gasped as he started kissing my chest with those gentle lips of his.

"Why are you able to get everything off my mind no matter how much it worries me?" I questioned and his lips got more wanting which earned a moan from me.

"Because you know I'm yours and will do thing to get those things off your mind" he mumbled against my skin. "" he repeated moving his lips up towards my neck where he started sucking on my pulse.

Shivers were sent down my spine and the desire rose inside me. His hands started stroking my back, pushing my body closer to his at the same time.

"Castle... we shouldn't... right now" I breathed heavily between my words.

His lips traveled up my jaw until they reached mine, grasping my lips with his to kiss me with passion. Each kiss with him felt like a first, it was insane how amazing it was. His lips slowed down against mine until they were only pecking.

"Later then" his silent promise brought butterflies to my stomach.

"Later" I agreed biting my smiling and tingling lips.