05

Gᴡᴇɴ Eᴠᴀɴs

I always do this to myself. To everyone around me.

I opened up to Asher. I didn't know what I was doing, it was like I felt so free that I didn't even think of what the consequences could be. What if he's a bad guy? I don't even know this guy and I decided to hang out with him. I showed him my favourite spot for fuck's sake.

And even if he's a good person, I couldn't risk hanging out with him, my negative energy would probably rub off on him and he'll blame me for losing his fun personality for the rest of his life. Am I overthinking this? I probably am, but it's the people that introduced me to the term 'trust issues'.

What has happened to me?

I used to be such a cheerful person, so energetic, and enthusiastic. Maybe if I had stayed at home that night, maybe if I hadn't listened to myself, then I probably would still be like that. Maybe.

I turned off the lamp beside my bed. I should probably sleep.

•°•°•°•°•

"You're ignoring me."

"Then why don't you just shut the hell up?"

"Alright, what is your problem?" Asher asked from his seat beside me in the cafeteria. I've been ignoring him since the week started, hoping that he would just stay away from me if I frustrate the fuck out of him.

"You are my problem." I muttered calmly. I didn't want to do this. I was genuinely happy when I was with him. I couldn't spoil his happiness for mine, it's selfish.

"Munchkin, did I do something? Because if I did, I'm really sorry, okay? I'm dumb, I know, I say things without thinking—"

"Okay, stop it." I cut him off. "You didn't do anything, alright? It's all me, it always has been me. Stay away from me, please."

"I don't get you. Just last week, you were smiling, laughing even. Then you're back to your old self, worse than your old self. And now you're saying that you don't even want to talk to me." He said.

"What do you want from me? It's not like I ever wanted to talk to you. You were the one who sat beside me every fucking day, tried to talk to me when clearly I didn't want to. You know what, Asher? You're right, you are dumb, because you clearly can't see when people like you and when they don't." I said in one breath.

Asher didn't say anything, just stared down at the table in front of him. He nodded softly before getting up from the table. "I'm sorry." he whispered before leaving the room.

I sighed, my head falling to the table.

I lied.

The truth is, he was there when no one even tried to look at me once. He was there when I threw him glares, just laughing it off. He was there when I opened up about my favourite things. He was there, just trying to talk to me when no one was even interested in bullying me. He was there.

Asher's just been here for two weeks and he already had fitted in with his cheerful and lively nature. And I hurt him. But I did it so he wouldn't get hurt when he gets close to me. I couldn't be selfish with him.

"Sup?" I heard a voice and looked up to see Jax sitting down next to me.

"Seriously, every person who was involved in inventing mathematics should be in hel—" he cut himself off when he noticed my expression.

"Are you alright, G?" He asked.

"No. No, I'm not alright." I vented. To be honest, I wanted to get close to Jax and I never thought about it like I did about Asher. I wanted to stay away from Asher just so he could be fine. He's the only person I've felt like this, like I want him to be safe. It's not like I don't want Jax to be happy but I just feel like venting to him at times.

"What happened?" Jax asked calmly.

"I lashed out at Asher. He didn't even do anything and I just.." I said, rubbing my temple. I have a headache.

Why the fuck did I do that?

"Why did you do it? Isn't he always with you?"

"I— I don't know." I lied.

"It's okay. I think if you really feel bad, just go and apologise to him."

"Really?" I asked. I did feel a little bad. Hell, I feel a lot bad about it. I feel fucking bad.

"Of course. Listen, G, that guy just wants you to talk to him. He's such a pure soul, and you know it."

"Don't tell me you have a crush on Asher now. Theo won't be happy." I chuckled lightly.

"Ah, shut up. It's not like I'm the one who should be having a crush on Asher." He laughs quietly to himself.

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

"Nothing." He waves it off.

"Now go and apologise to him." Jax shooed me away with his hands.

•°•°•°•

I sucked in a sharp breath before walking into the history classroom. As I walked in, I saw the two seats by the window completely vacant.

I searched the classroom until my eyes settled on Asher, sitting with one of the popular girls of the class, I don't really remember her name, I think it started with a 'B'. It looked obvious that he wasn't interested in talking to her. She couldn't keep her hands to herself and he clearly looked uncomfortable.

I made my way to their seat, leaning my hand on the table in front of Asher, which made him look up at me.

"Um.. let's sit together?" I asked nervously. But before he could answer, the girl sitting beside him spoke up.

"Can't you see he's not interested?"

Murder on my mind.

"And can't you see he's getting uncomfortable with you being so touchy?" I snapped back. And maybe I was daydreaming but I swear, from the corner of my eye, I saw a small smile taking over Asher's lips.

The girl gasped dramatically, taking her hand back from its position on Asher's shoulder. "Do you even know who I am?" She said, offended.

"Why? Don't you know who you are? That's a shame." I tutted.

"That's it. I can ruin you with just a phone call, you know?"

"You need a phone call for that? I can ruin you with my bare hands, Ms. Touchy."

"My name is Britney. So, you better not call me names."

"It's always a Britney, I swear to god." I muttered under my breath.

"What did you say?" Britney asked.

"I said that you're a shit talking bitch."

The whole class hooted at that. I didn't even know they were looking.

"You're done—" she stood up to face me but Asher spoke up.

"Can you all calm down?! I don't want to sit with you, Gwen, I'm sorry. And all of you guys, let's just go back to minding your own business."

Ms. Touchy smirked in victory as I just looked at Asher with sorrowful eyes. I hurt him this bad. He doesn't want to sit with me. But that's what I wanted, right? Serves me right, I guess.

I went back to my seat by the window and sat there, alone.

Mr. Ravi entered the class some time later. He looked around the class as always checking for who wasn't here when his eyes settled on the empty chair beside me and then at Asher who was sitting with Britney. He scoffed before he started teaching.

Great. He thinks it's funny.

The class went by boringly, clearly because a certain someone wasn't annoying me throughout the whole lecture.

Mr. Ravi was setting partners for some assignment about historic discoveries before leaving. I wasn't paying much attention to it until my name got called.

"Ms. Evans, you will do this assignment with Mr. Miller." He said before dismissing the class.

God, I promise, I won't let this opportunity go to waste.

I looked in Asher's direction just to find him already looking at me. I smirked at him and he rolled his eyes at that, looking away.

•°•°•°•

Right now, I was sitting behind Asher on his motorcycle as we silently made our way to my house for the assignment.

Asher was really pissed at me but I was just thankful that I got to spend some time with him to make him forgive me.

I saw an ice cream truck on our way. Maybe if I just— "Let's get some ice cream."

"I'm just getting this over with, you can eat ice cream some other time." He replied in a monotone.

"That's really sad. I really wanted ice cream right now. But I guess I just have to wait until I'm free now." I said, faking sympathy for myself.

I heard him sigh before turning back to the ice cream truck. "Thank you!" I said excitedly, putting my hands on his shoulders to steady myself.

We stopped in front of the ice cream truck and I got off the motorcycle hurriedly and excitedly like a fucking child.

"Hello, sir. Can I please get a chocolate cone?" I asked the bearded man. He nodded his head with a smile before going back in the truck to get it.

"Aren't you getting anything?" I asked Asher who was still sitting on the motorcycle waiting for me.

"Nah, I'm good." He answered.

"Bullshit." I said before turning to the bearded man, "Sir, make it two."

He nodded again before getting me both the chocolate ice cream cones.

"I don't have any money on me right now." Asher said.

"Don't worry, I'll sugar mamma you." I said.

I thanked and paid him before turning back to Asher to give him his ice cream.

"You didn't have to pay." He muttered.

"Ah, shut the fuck up." I chuckled.

We sat on a bench nearby while eating the ice cream. "Are you still mad?" I asked him.

He scoffed before speaking, "It doesn't just go away."

"I'm sorry." I said.

"Are you?"

"Yes."

"You're gonna have to earn my forgiveness." He said with a smirk on his face.

"How?" I asked.

"Figure out yourself." He said, and paused for a few seconds before speaking again, "So you like chocolate ice cream?"

"Yup. My favourite." I answered, "Me and my dad used to get chocolate ice cream all the time, I mean, him and my sister, I just clung onto my sister whenever they went out. My dad never liked me much."

The good old days.

"If you don't mind me asking, is he like.."

"Dead? No. He isn't. Him and I don't really talk anymore. I found out he cheated on my mom and I told her and they got divorced. So, he's still pissed at me, even after 5 years." I told him, even though it was partially a lie.

"I'm sorry about that." He sympathised.

I nodded at him sadly.

"I never heard about your sister though." He said. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat at the mention of her.

He must've noticed my discomfort because then he changed the subject, for which I was really grateful. He started talking about his friends back in New York as we ate our ice-creams.

We got to my house after finishing our ice creams. I heard my mom's voice as soon as Asher and I entered the house.

"Hey sweetie, I was just about to go the grocery store—" she cut herself off as she saw who I was with.

"Hello, Mrs. Evans, I'm—"

"Asher. I know you. And it's Ms. Evans." Mom smiled, which Asher returned.

How does she know him? She's never seen him. Unless—

Holy shit, she saw my drawing.

I looked at her with wide eyes as she nodded at me slightly, as if she knew what I was thinking. I rushed to my bedroom without any second thoughts and saw my sketchbook lying on my bed, and the page where I drew Asher was completely open for anyone to see.

I shut it close and threw it in the bedside table drawer with the speed of Flash.

"You good?" I heard Asher say and turned back to see him leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed against his chest.

"Yeah, I'm good." I assured him.

"Let's get this over with." Asher said, referring to the assignment.

"Yeah, sure." I said, as he made his way to my bed and plunged onto it, leaning on his elbow, and facing me.

I jumped on the bed and laid beside him, also leaning on my elbow and facing him.

"I really am sorry." I muttered as we looked at each other.

"I know. Just keep trying." He chuckled.

"Okay.." I whispered.

"Are you Spanish?" I asked, out of the blue.

"Si, cariño." He answered, "my dad is."

[Yes, darling.]

"I knew it. You look Hispanic." I told him.

"Do I?"

"Si, señorita."

"I'm a guy, Munchkin. 'Señorita' is for ladies."

"I stand corrected, señorita."

He rolled his eyes, trying to look irritated but his smile gave him away.

Señorita.