55

Chapter Text

The college chapel was quiet, projecting a solemn atmosphere. A simple white-clothed altar sat in front of intricate stained glass, depicting nothing but swirling hues of reds, blues, and greens. Seating filled the room, some comfortable chairs around circular tables, some benches little better than stones.

Shiozaki had chosen the benches two rows back from the altar. There, she buried her head in her hands, part in prayer, part in penance for the deeds that she had committed. Logically, she knew bleeding herself was simply making a mess, but she couldn't find it in her to remove the thorns sticking into her hands, her own quirk working against her. She knew, too, that there were cabinets to the side, where she could retrieve the icons of her faith. What little comfort they would provide her warred in her head with the right she had to them.

A quiet hiss came from the back of the chapel as the door slipped open, stirring the air as it clicked back into place a moment later. A slow, methodical tapping began. One tap at a time, the sound crept closer before stopping beside her. Still, Shiozaki felt no need to look up, to find out who this interloper was.

… In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good, I have sinned against you whom I should love above all things…

The tapping started up again, this time away from her, and she couldn't help the bitter feeling of vindication that rose up inside of her at that. The tapping ceased somewhere off to the side. She began to assume that they were seating themselves before the quiet click of a cabinet closing. The tapping began to make its way toward her once more.

… I firmly intend, with your help, to do penance, to sin no more, and to avoid whatever leads me to sin…

The tapping ceased beside her once more, but instead of moving away, she felt the bench shift a bit as the presence sat down beside her. Shiozaki didn't look up, couldn't bear to.

… In His name. My God have mercy.

"You've been here for days, Shiozaki. Your classmates are worried about you. They tell me you've been ignoring them when they come to check on you." The voice of the man beside her finally elicited a response from the pious woman. Shiozaki's body jerked, and she hissed as she realized just how stiff her body was, how ingrained her hair had become into her hands and face. A large, rough hand stilled her movements.

"Careful now. I'm going to cut away the vines so we can start pulling the thorns, alright?" Shiozaki gave a noncommittal grunt before she felt the chill of cold iron brush against her skin. A crack and the knife retreated before she felt it again. Another crack, another retreat of the blade. "We can do this the painful way, or the slow way. Which one?"

"Slow." Shiozaki gritted the word out between her teeth. She had dealt with the fast method. If he ripped them out, the thorns would break off in her skin, and they'd be pulling them with tweezers for hours.

"I wasn't aware that you were susceptible to your own thorns." Silence followed. It was an open invitation to speak, but she didn't feel like explaining. Time and pressure were all that was required on that front. Slowly, methodically, the knife danced in front of her eyes, cutting into the surface of the vine and dipping below before snaking back up. One by one, the vine was cut away from the thorn until finally the pressure on the thorns vanished entirely.

Slowly, Shiozaki sat up to look at the pockmarked vine being discarded. A hiss had her looking into the eyes of Midoriya Izuku. The man scowled at her, even as he discarded the limp refuse. "Just why did you let it get to this point?" Shiozaki flinched when Midoriya's hand reached towards her face, and he froze with a frown. His voice was soft when he spoke next. "We still have to get the thorns out before I can clean the punctures. May I?"

A nod had Midoriya reaching for her again. One hand cupped her head gently as the other reached forward to delicately extract the thorns that had gotten stuck. "You aren't usually this thorny," he stated, a thinly veiled question. Shiozaki opened her mouth to snark at him but felt herself swallowing, instead. When did my mouth get so dry? Even still, her voice was hoarse when she spoke.

"I prune it every morning and before I go to bed." A hum was the only response that she received from Midoriya, so she focused on his hands. Gloved, she belatedly realized, some kind of latex. Her eyes flicked to the side and saw the first aid kit on the bench next to a cane. That explained both the gloves and the tapping that she had heard. "How are you alive?"

Midoriya quirked an eyebrow and shrugged. "Nice to see you too, Shiozaki. I'm glad to see you alive, as well." She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath.

"I am sorry about that." Midoriya gave her a small smile before letting it drop.

"Yes, well, I'm alive because of what I've done to myself. That, and Mei and I had contingencies in place for multisystem organ failure." Shiozaki felt herself staring at Midoriya's nonchalance in two parts shock, one part awe.

"That is a serious medical condition, Midoriya. How are you up and moving already?"

"Through the marvels of modern medical science and a lot of pain." Midoriya let the last of the thorns from her face drop into the small puddle of blood at their feet. With a twinge, Midoriya twisted slowly to remove the alcohol wipes from the kit, as well as several bandages. He turned back, tearing one of the wipes open.

Silence reigned as he cleaned, dressed, and bandaged the punctures on her face. Silence broken only by the scuffing of clothing or the opening of a package. Midoriya was pulling her right arm into his lap when she faltered.

"Why are you here, Midoriya?" Midoriya sighed.

"Your class was worried about you. I agreed to check on you, and it's a good thing I did. You missed what I told the classes, and you don't have a monopoly on prayer." Shiozaki felt her back start to go up before registering the last point he made. The fight left her as she sagged. No, she supposed, she didn't have a monopoly on prayer.

"Do I need to ask what you're doing here? Or would that be a redundant question?"

Shiozaki stared blankly ahead, swallowing before she spoke. "But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death."

Midoriya shook his head, his heart aching for this poor woman. "I thought it might be something like that. Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, that he may have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon."

Shiozaki felt her eyes widen in surprise. "You know the scriptures?" The incredulous tone had Midoriya looking up to give her a forlorn glance.

"I have read them. I've read all of them. When you don't sleep for days on end, the extra time starts to pile up. You end up ahead on all kinds of work and suddenly, you're reading or watching anything you can get your hands on."

"That sounds useful."

"Perhaps. I wouldn't recommend it." More silence as Midoriya finished up one arm, tying off the bandage and pulling the other arm into his lap.

"What did I miss?"

Midoriya, his tone even, ran through the salient points as he picked gently through the thorns. With careful efficiency, he brought her up to speed with their two missing students. Shiozaki hung her head.

"You'll have to receive the specifics from your classmates, but that's the quick version." Shiozaki sent up a small prayer for the departed in their silence.

"Who do you pray to, Midoriya?" Midoriya's lips quirked in some semblance of a smile, small and sad..

"Well," he drew out the word in the quiet air. "It's no faith that you would know." The woman scowled at the comment, and he sighed. "Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time," he began.

"Really? Once upon a time?" Midoriya chuckled lowly, shaking his head.

"All the best stories start with once upon a time. And so, once upon a time, a young man woke up in the forest at the tender age of six. He didn't know where he was, he didn't know how he got there. He panics because, hey, he's six and alone in a strange forest. He runs around for a bit, finds a road, and follows it. He's convinced he's somewhere rural, because why else would it be a dirt road? The village that he comes to is nothing like he's ever seen. The people speak a language he's never heard before. There isn't anything like an orphanage there, it's a small farming village. Maybe two-hundred people lived there, enough for an inn, a church."

Something in Midoriya's eyes had Shiozaki sitting up straighter as he wrapped her arm in a bandage. Sorrow and pain, self-loathing and a burning hatred drowning in that misery.

"The sisters there were kind. They took the boy in. They raised him and taught him their language and their beliefs. He loved them like family."

"Midoriya…" She hadn't meant to ask for this. She could make the connection here. No story would have had the emotional connection that he was showing. She moved her hands into her lap, even as Midoriya's wrapped around the shaft of the cane.

"The boy grew up and helped wherever he could. He'd work the fields during the day, and he'd work the tables at the inn at night. He didn't have a family, so he made the villagers his family. When rumors of war started floating around, he started training with his friend. They wanted to protect what they had. Then the day came and, like the fools they were, he and his friend weren't there when the enemy came and burnt it all to the ground. Burnt the buildings, burnt the fields, burnt the people." A creaking sound and a crack had both their eyes tracking to the cane in Midoriya's hands. The man took a deep, shuddering breath.

"I'm sorry, Midoriya. I didn't know." Midoriya shook his head, calming down.

"That obvious, huh? It's fine. I just don't like talking about it. The reason should be obvious enough."

"It is. But why? Why are you telling me this? I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but we don't exactly know each other well, and my question was…" Shiozaki trailed off and Midoriya offered another regretful smile.

"Yes, well, I'm getting there. I fought for a decade, for all sorts of reasons. For revenge, because it was my orders, to simply save what little life I could." Midoriya shifted aside the first aid kit and pulled a thick leather tome into his hands. The silver reinforcements binding the book together gleamed dully in the artificial light.

"Throughout it all, through every horrible thing I saw, that I did, I kept reading our scriptures, kept questioning, and kept asking why. Why would our goddesses allow it? What awaited me after everything I had done? I eventually learned why, and what. I hated it every step of the way, and yet I kept coming back, wanting to find something to believe in. Find some meaning in all the death and misery. Whose faith hasn't faltered? Who's so trained to pray that they would never strain against those bindings?"

"I read part of your student file when I was informed it was going to be a joint class, a bit on all of you, really. If you hadn't made it into the hero course, you were going to get a degree in theology, right?"

The statement chafed a bit. The faculty granting access to their student files, even parts of them, to their own students was crossing a line that she couldn't claim to be fond of. But still, she settled herself and nodded. Midoriya slowly placed the tome in her lap. The look in his eyes made it seem like he wanted to snatch it back, but, instead, he took a deep breath and returned his hands to his cane.

"One of the first things I did when I made it back was rewrite our scriptures. Front to back, I had them memorized."

"Giving this to me is the equivalent of handing a bible to a Muslim, Midoriya" The flat tone had Midoriya sighing.

"I'm not giving it to you in that way. It is academic. I'm giving it to you because I know you'll take care of it, because you wished to study religions and asked who it was that I prayed to. Because when I asked why, I searched everywhere for answers. It helped, in a way. Not fully, mind you, but some. Scripture is often written to guide the lost, to teach lessons, as much as it is to teach the faith."

Shiozaki's hand froze on top of the book. There was truth in that statement, and if that was all it was, if - if Midoriya wasn't trying to change her but offering her a tool to find it for herself… It went against everything she had been taught, to block out and shun anything else, but she had doubted that, as well. If she could find answers for herself…

"Academically," Shiozaki repeated the word back to Midoriya.

"Academically." He confirmed again. The silence had an edge to it, so Midoriya stretched before beginning to place the remaining first aid supplies back into the metal box. Once everything was cleaned up, Midoriya made to stand before pausing. With a sigh, he settled once more.

"Shiozaki." The woman hummed a non-committal sound toward him while looking down at the plain book in her lap. "I was going to cover this with the classes later, To give them time to process what they've been told first. But I think it's something that needs to be said now." Shiozaki looked up from the book and her bandaged hands.

"People died. How each one of us processes that will be different, but you did what was necessary to survive. Sometimes, with this job, you'll be forced to kill, to protect yourself from someone you can't beat otherwise, to protect a civilian that you wouldn't be able to protect, or to end a threat that would injure, maim, or kill countless others. Heroes aren't judge, jury, and executioner, but sometimes they have no other choice. You'll have to reconcile that, as well."

Shiozaki grimaced and curled her bandaged fingers into fists. She didn't want to take another life. She had already sinned enough. Damned herself enough. "Look at me, please." She couldn't help but flinch a little, though she moved her gaze to meet Midoriya's.

"No matter what the media says, or the hero commission says, understand this. You did what you needed to in order to protect your classmates and yourself. I don't know any just or fair being that would blame you for the protection of others." It was through gritted teeth again that Shiozaki responded.

"Knowing that and feeling it are two different things, Midoriya." Midoriya dipped his head in acknowledgment before standing unsteadily with the first aid kit in hand.

"Go back to your dorm, please. Go be with your classmates now. They're worried about you. Eat something, get a shower, get some sleep. I don't care what order. Doctor's orders." The soft tapping of Midoriya's cane clicked away against the tile flooring. He disappeared behind the shutting door.

Shiozaki trailed her hands along the leather tome. Her fingers caught on a strip of fabric demarcating the last page Midoriya had been reading before he had last closed the book. Carefully, she opened the large book to the page in question. Neat, almost block, handwriting printed the kanji cleanly on one half of the page, and on the other half, a language she had never seen before, almost beautiful in its complex runelike visage. Glancing back at the Japanese, Shiozaki read the first passage that caught her eye.

It is in the hallowed halls of the twin goddesses in which the soul is adjudicated. But as it is in heaven that we are judged by heavenly law, it is the land of man in which we must spend our lives. Justly live by the laws of living, tempered by the laws of the Ladies, and fear not the judgment of heaven. For it is not our place to judge the dead. Only our Ladies may assume such a role and they are gracious toward those that live their lives sincerely.

Shiozaki clenched her teeth as she read. It truly ran opposite to everything, and yet she could find a kind of perverse parallel in her own scripture. She muttered Romans one and two to herself, snapping the book shut with a hitching breath. How Midoriya thought that such a text could help her, she wasn't sure.

Still, she looked down at the book with a shudder. Perhaps… perhaps she would decide whether to read more after she checked on her classmates. Yes, she would decide after she knew they were alright.

Notes:

A little talk with Shiozaki. The conversation needs to happen because I need to blunt the religious fervor. We know so little about her character in canon. It is basically JUST religion. That's her whole character in canon. I'm not religious. Not really, and I tend to avoid it after some poor run ins. But, I'll do my best writing the content because Shiozaki will be relevant down the line.

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