Weekend

I slept for so long but I don't really know how long...I think for 4 hours or more or less...I don't know.

I walk into the dining...settle for dinner. Ignoring everyone's stare and questions. I take my phone from my back pocket and login to my Instagram account. My followers had topped by a thousand. I had 5000 followers now. Not much but it ain't easy to get followers especially when I'm not a celebrity and I don't post videos or pictures on this app.

"Phones out Khelanie". Dad says. I get up from my seat and walk back upstairs. I walk into my room then to my bathroom. I wash my face and my mouth and dry it clean before going back to the dining room.

I take my seat again....with my phone in my back pocket this time. I fold my arms and look at Gayle just as she was looking at me. Everyone was staring at me...probably wondering what could be wrong with me but no one was saying anything. Mom settles on her seat after setting the table and I shut my eyes.a

"Lord thank you for today....for the food...for life....for water. Bless our food.. amen". I say and then everyone responds and then we open our eyes.

Mom starts serving the food. We were having rice with tomato sauce and chicken with a French wine to go.

I take my food from her and start munching it. I eventually finish up and have a glass of wine then I take my dishes with me to the kitchen to wash 'em. Gayle finished same time as me. I put the plates and the cup in the sink and turn on the tap.

The water was rushing and falling onto the plates and I put a little amount of soap onto the plates and wash them with the sponge and rinse it and keep it in the rack to drain. I wash the cup and do same too. Gayle was doing dishes too beside me in the other sink.

"I can tell when something's wrong sis. You've been up in your room since and you wouldn't even talk to anyone. You left school before it even dismissed". Gayle says doing her dishes as I dry my hands clean with the napkin in the kitchen.

"Right. I need space". I say to her and then walk away.

"Khelanie!" Dad yells and I halt. He motions me to sit which I do in front of him in the dining room.

"What's bothering you?" Dad says.

"Nothing dad". I say to him.

"Nothing?" He asks.

"Just tired". I reply.

"You slept for 8 hours straight". Dad says.

"I'm fine dad". I say to him.

"I seen this before. Someone spelled out that you have Shut - D right?" He asks.

"How'd you know that?" I ask.

"I'm your dad...I definitely know these things. I used to be like you when I was much younger and with time I realised I was okay. I didn't have shut - d...I never dissociated. It just happens...it's normal". He says.

"Our nurse says I've shut - d". I say.

"No you don't. Humans zone out. How'd you get that injury?" He asks.

"Oh this?" I ask. "When I zoned out". I say to him.

"You'd get over it. Just don't go too hard on yourself". He says.

"I've stuffs to do in my room so I've to be there". I say to him and he nods briefly and I walk out.

I walk into my room and shut the door behind me. I lean against the door at first then I sigh in frustration as I walk towards the window.

I sit on the window sill...I usually call it window pane but I learnt it's different. I take my flower vase up and look at it.

This rose always reminds me of mom. It's one random object that's in my room for nothing. I sit the vase back down on the sill.

I curl my legs up and use my arms to wrap myself up....here I was thinking of my life. Thinking of Cam and Jed.

My environment went chill for a while and I felt this flame suddenly light up...I felt it within. How am I even gonna tell Cam I love Jed. How is he even gonna take it? I can't possibly love Jed....I mean...I don't really know this guy. I need to fix myself.

I stretch my hand and reach my study table...I take a sticky notepad from the table and a pen from the pen holder.

AREAS TO WORK ON:

I scribble then I gently tap my pen on my book as my eyes survey the environment.

1. My character

2. My emotions

Right....I needed to put my emotions in check.

3. My actions

4. My temper.

Whoa...I had a lot to work on.

I put my pen on the book and I tear out the note carefully. I drop the notepad and pen back on the table and walk towards the section of my room that held a lot of sticky notepads stuck on the wall and paste this one there too.

Right...I was gonna work on myself and see that I'm becoming better. I just can't be having feelings for two guys.

I walk back to my bed and roll the sheets aside and I climb the bed and roll the sheets back up to my chest.

Should I text Cam? I thought.

: Don't text him...perhaps he's still in love with Marina.

: No he possibly can't be with her. They're done!

: Maybe you should text him. Love does exist you know.

": I wanna end sex with Cameron". I say to myself.

: You've always loved it. You can't start to hate it now. Remember how he drives you to Oblivion and slams you real hard...you love it you can't stop it.

: Yeah you should. You've final year exams to focus on so you pass college.

Right....I've to choose.

: Jed or Cam? I thought.

: You've had sex with Cam and know how it feels. How about Jed? Sex might be sweeter with him you never can tell.

: Cam. Not because of sex but because he's intelligent and helps you.

I shut my eyes really tight and take in deep breaths.

"Khelanie...you're gonna go to bed without thinking of anything or anyone". I say to myself.

I exhale sharply and then I roll to the other side of my bed and turn off the lamp. Then I doze off after a while.