At 18

I had just finished answering all my examinations. My school results were pretty good and I had graduated at the top of my class. My entrance examinations though, went mediocre, thus I just couldn't bring myself to check the answers any day. I had decided that no matter if I end up in a medical college or not, right now I am going to enjoy my life to the fullest. Doing all the little things that I never could or was never allowed to, but everyone else enjoyed doing, like hanging out at cafés, planning sleepovers and parties, vacations with friends, or simply wandering outside my house alone. My parents had finally managed to build their forever home in a posh locality as they had always desired. A bungalow with Portuguese architecture accompanied by a small front yard and a generous backyard. We also had a rooftop swimming pool and a guesthouse. In fact, the place was so massive and mesmerizing that I couldn't believe I was the young lady of the house. At last, my father being an architect and my mother being a lawyer had benefitted me. It wasn't long since we had shifted there, just before my exams;)

  Even so, my parents seemed to have known everyone who lived in the vicinity, I however couldn't find one familiar face except for my aunt and her family who lived just beside us. Everyone there, especially every teen seemed haughty and unapproachable, I felt like a poor peasant trapped among a bunch of elites. That however didn't stop me from taking my cheap a*s bicycle and riding it in and out of the neighborhood. Most of the kids stared and looked down on me or so I thought (I can be quite delusional sometimes). My first goal before officially turning 18, late, this year was to get a godd*mn driver's license so that I didn't have to be chauffeured every place I went to or to have to keep pleading to be taken somewhere. I had mastered riding a bike and a scooter but my parents being paranoid as they were had kept a condition - I would only be allowed outside of the neighborhood with a car.

My cousin (Lawrence) who lived next door had come back for his summer vacation. I figured it would be less distasteful if I learned driving from him in place of my fanatic parents. Yeah, speaking in retrospect it was the worst possible idea.

I had forgotten in the time he was away from home just how popular and social he was. He had left for college long before his parents shifted here yet he knew almost everyone, he resembled my parents more than I did making me think we might've been swapped after our birth. He even took after my father and was training to become an engineer while I was following his parents' footsteps to become a doctor (which seemed farther away from reality each passing week.)

His friends always accompanied us during our driving lessons. More than anything I felt like an Uber driving them from one of their locations to the other while being scolded and taunted for my bad service, I, also, feared any bad reviews from them to my parents because that would severely nullify my prospects of leaving the house on my own.

Lawrence: Hey! We've reached our stop, drop us by the pavement and parallel park between those cars right there.

Avril (me): Hmm ok.

Lawrence: Thanks, see you at 22:00

Avril: hey wait, where are you going? Aren't you supposed to teach me how to parallel park first, also 22:00 what am I supposed to do till then?.... It is only 18:00.

Lawrence: well, parallel parking is easy just see both sides and try to adjust your car between the other two. Don't hit anyone though, I don't have any money on me right now. Also, can't you just hang out anywhere around here until then? Just figure that out on your own. Bye!

His friends: hey, bye, see you later Av.

Avril: who the f*ck they think they're? Just order me around like I'm their d*mn chauffeur.

Well, let's see if there's any parallel parking video now...

After much sweat and tears, I finally learned how to parallel park on my own. The car did get some scratches but that was on him now (I was wise enough to bring his car out to drive.)

Much of learning how to drive had gone like this: for a couple of days I only saw him swivel his car here and there, then he handed over the command to me and just scolded me whenever I moved even an inch away from his ideal route.

That evening went peacefully, I went to a bunch of cafés and tasted all the tarts, pastries, and croissants I wanted; after which I went to shop in the nearby stores and read some books. While I was walking back though, I found an alleyway. It had a bright neon façade and a murky interior that disappeared into the darkness, unlike the warm fairy lights that marked the rest of the market. I went back to the car to check if any of those hooligans had returned even though it was 2 hours early for that and then emptied my shopping bags in the rear seat. I saw one of my cousin's friends at the arcade above, he too looked at me, so I smiled back letting him know that I was there and that they could take as much time as they needed since I didn't care. But I didn't realize at the time that that would lead to a series of misunderstandings between us.

I walked for a bit until I was out of their sight and then ran back to that place which seemed like it would disappear if I didn't hurry up.

It was still there, just as mysterious and breathtaking, without romanticizing it though, it did look like a place where drug cartels would operate but sincerely I didn't give a f*ck about my own life then.

I headed into the unknown like a little child on an escapade, even such a little thing as diverting to a shady alleyway was a rebellious stance for an overprotected kid like me.

It was a long passage I admit, however I liked the emptiness and the strange vibe it gave off. I reached the end and there was nothing but a pitch-black sea of darkness ahead of me. But I wasn't afraid of that, I fumbled with my phone a bit and switched on the flashlight. I looked around; it was just acres of empty land with some trees. One of the more worn trails headed uphill. So, I decided to follow that path. After a few minutes of steep hike, I reached the peak of the hill and what I saw there is something I'll never forget.

A sky full of stars in the middle of the city. I could see the constellations, the moon, the clouds; everything was so clear. It was as if I had stepped into some safe sanctuary. But it wasn't just that while I was still breathing in the fresh air the whole city lay beneath my feet. I moved forward and I could see all the artificial stars that we had created flickering about. The tall buildings looked so tiny and the people were almost invisible. Everything felt so alive that night. It might've been a common site to many people but for me, it was like my own little heaven. I could come here to get away from anything and anyone I wanted temporarily or permanently. This place without having any right to it, was now at my disposal. It was the first and last secret I had kept from my parents. While the gentle breeze had been stroking my hair and the scenery had me captivated for god knows how long, something behind the trees snapped, maybe an animal, maybe a human! I too snapped back to reality and realized I was quite late. It had taken me at least half an hour to climb the steep hill and traverse the alleyway below it. Not to mention the long way from there on to the car parked just outside the market. I had only 15 minutes left to 22:00 and a potential threat lurking around the corner. My mom had already given me several missed calls that I hadn't realized about in my trance. Even if I don't reach home on time I should at least make it to the car on time in case she decides to come over.

I ran as if my life depended on it but I wasn't anxious in the slightest. I was thrilled and enthusiastic and for the first time in many years giggling like a baby while running back through the streets like a maniac. For the first time, I wasn't worried about what would happen next, or what would people think of me if what I was doing was right or not. All I cared for was to live in that moment in case I did get grounded and was not allowed to go out again.

I reached the car half panting and saw them standing, looking everywhere while calling someone. Yeah, they were calling me. Fortunately, my mom had not arrived at the scene and I quickly slid into the back seat and handed over the keys to Lawrence.

Lawrence: WHERE THE ACTUAL F*CK HAVE YOU BEEN? Your mom was busy ringing everyone's phone when she realized you weren't with me. We had a deal right? You could do whatever you wanted but come back here at 22:00 sharp!

Avril: Mom has always been like that and by now Dad would be home so I should be getting a long lecture today thanks to you. Couldn't you make some excuse and cover for me? We both would have been safe. And I'm just 15 minutes late, I lost track of time in one of those shopping aisles, and once y'all started calling I ran back as fast as I could, I couldn't even buy what I liked.

And what deal are you on about when you're the one who left me alone to hang out with your friends instead of teaching me how to drive. If I tell your mother about this you'll be grounded for the rest of your summer here too.

The rest of the car ride was in complete silence thanks to me. I fell asleep without realizing it and then that guy- Alain woke me up, apparently I slept like a baby on his shoulder- everyone chuckled. I didn't quite understand the part where they teased other people for performing normal human actions and romanticizing them. Like get a life, aren't they supposed to be wiser in college?

I for one was rudely awakened from my dream atop the hill, I was still peacefully feeling the light breeze on my face when my mom came, almost yelling at me. I was drowsy so I tuned her voice out as white noise in the background with more ease than usual. My dad didn't seem to be in the mood of hitting me today so I went straight to the bed convincing them that skipping one night's dinner wouldn't ruin my health.

I woke up early in the morning like always while my parents were still asleep. I prepared to head out to the same market in the evening so that I could get more time on that hill. I prepared a whole picnic basket and some crochet needles, threads, and books. I then went out to exercise and contemplate a plan to convince my parents to let me out of the house again after last night's stunt.

I did have to wager my presence on the day of our housewarming in order to gain another day of freedom. I did not mention the market or the hill but I did say I would stop at Kye's house.( Kye was one of my best friends since elementary school and the only one who stuck around after I transferred schools.) Mom was glad that I was at least at someone's house and not roaming about all alone. She was also glad because it was with someone like Kye's mom. Her mom was even more overbearing and strict than mine, so my mom was more at ease.

I did stop at her place and enjoyed my time talking to her and watching some old movies but I didn't just yet want to share my secret place with anyone, not that she could visit that place without me, considering her parents but regardless.

The moment her mom left for Church it was my cue to leave. I sped my bike across her neighborhood onto the highway and then straight to the market. I took it through the alleyway up to the foot of the hill. I climbed faster today, using the axe I had brought with me and it was the most delightful thing to watch the sunset from such a height. It was the same as experiencing watching the same movie you watched on your mobile with some trashy wifi and then in a theatre for the very first time.

I then cracked open a fresh cold can of soda and had some sandwiches. After my stomach was full and it was still early twilight, I started reading the books while crocheting my new top that I could never wear outside.

Suddenly, I could hear some bushes shaking. I was afraid not of death but of being alive even after someone had ruined me. I crept in closer with the axe in one hand and some pepper spray in the other.

Something leaped towards me and I immediately sprayed the pepper spray while distancing myself from it using the axe.