So long Canon

"We feel the pain of a lifetime lost in a thousand days

Through the fire and flames we carry on"

Around me in Babcia's garage, a bunch of guys I'd hypnotized to think we were friends tried to finish the song, but failed miserably.

"God dammit guys!" I shouted, "Its like you people don't even want to Rock!"

"Dio," my pathetic homie begged on hands and knees, "mortal hands were not meant to shred this hard."

"The song is too much Metal!" another cried.

"You may be right." I mused, "If mortal hands cannot handle this much Rock, then perhaps it is time for me to fit you all for the cold metal hands of the Devil."

"What?" they shrieked in fear and backed away from me.

Before I could crack out the measurement tools, I felt a nearby devil teleportation.

Just a low class loser, I looked over at her and already didn't like the bitch. She looked smug, confident, not at all the way a low class devil should be in front of an ultimate class devil.

"Speak." I demanded as I waved a hand to turn off the consciousness of the humans in our presence.

"My Lord Shalba Beelzebub, has sent me to collect you." the woman stated.

"Mhm." I intoned before moving faster than she could react and held her head between my hands, "Now tell me where Shalba is." I ordered while my eyes glowed with magic power invading her mind.

The servant gave me what I wanted to know and I turned everything below her neck into a magical mist that I sucked in through my mouth, netting me my info and a nice little snack.

Holding on to her hair and tossing her head over my shoulder, I went home and geared up, ready to fuck up the Old Satan Faction. As far as the bitch new Rizevim wasn't involved in the upcoming meeting at all. He could have been lurking nearby, but she only saw Shalba, Katarea, and Creusery.

After gearing up, I opened a door from my house straight to the meeting room and tossed Shalba his servant back.

"You are going to have to train your servants better, Shalba." I grinned under my crested helmet, "Their behavior is going to get you killed some day."

"You dare!" The descendant of one of the original Satans stood up like he was going to fight me.

Good.

"No one collects me." I told him, "You graciously request my presence, or things end up like this."

The area around Shalba began buzzing as he activated his hereditary King of Flies ability.

"Sit down, Shalba." Katerea ordered from her seat, "Diodora was more than correct to slay your servant for the insult you paid him. Now you are even, and we can get back to the business of taking over the underworld, a task made far more simple with the new strength of our ally."

"You would treat him as our equal!" Shalba spat.

"Power is the only measure of status that matters." She countered his vehemence as if it was completely beneath her.

"Shalba is right." Creusey spoke up looking like an emo Legolas, "Only the descendants of the original Satans have the right to stand above all others."

"I am glad you see it that way." I laughed, "I was worried Katerea would talk you idiots out of this fight."

I pulled my power axes off my back - all six of them - and activated my Reinforcement Magic and Touki. The combination turned the massive billowing aura around me purple and arced lighting of the same color all around me, my armor, and my axes.

"I doubt you people understand how wonderful this feels." I told them as they backed up from the violent storm of power I had become, "To have gained this much power this quickly. This world really is nothing more than a playground to the bold."

The air around me exploded in its hurry to get out of my way as I charged Creusey who unloaded his magic in a beam of power in front of him which I easily dodged around by further upping my speed and arrived behind him, turning him into a pile of mulch with one trio of arms while unloading Gandrs on Shalba with the other who shielded with a series of magic barriers.

"You are a pack of losers who were going to die anyway." I laughed as Katerea froze at the sight of the destroyed Asmodeus, "Might as well go die for fun rather than after learning how pathetic you all are in front of the enemies you chose for yourselves."

Bringing all six guns down on Shalba tore through his defenses near instantly, but he managed to buy himself just enough time pull out the magic Circle containing his Ophis Snake. Instead of the burst of tentacles that would raise his ultimate class power up to Satan class, he only held up an empty hand.

"Thank you for your generous donation to my power." I laughed as I repaired the degraded containment circle that had gone through the power of Flash Air to appear in my hand, "I was worried that I would fuck up the magic with all three of you attacking at once, so I lost the opportunity to steal from dear Creusey as well. But between you and Katerea, I think enough power to bridge the gap between ultimate and Satan class twice over is more than enough for me. For now at least."

I bound the magic containment circle to me and continued my Gandr barrage on Shalba who held up well under the initial damage, even trying to charge me, but soon the debilitation curses stacked up to high for him to resist and his flesh weakened enough for the physical aspect of the curse to tear him to pieces.

"You don't have to die." I told Katarea who backed away from me in fear, "Give me the snake, and I will allow you to live. Even to bear my children. Your bloodline is what makes you special isn't it?" I smirked though she couldn't see it, "Obviously, Creusey wasn't up to the task of securing his own lineage let alone yours, but I happen to be a proven stud."

The woman extended her arm towards me as if in a fugue state, and brought out the magic circle which I quickly secured, but the woman morphed her arms into tentacles and tried to wrap them around me so she could activate the same suicide magic she tried on Azazel.

"Die you, bastard." She shrieked and exploded.

Between Absorption, Flash Air, Reinforcement, and the powerful alchemical alloys set up in a perfect nanolaminar formation making up my armor, her suicide attack had less effect than Chiatzu's versus Nappa.

I walked away from the wreckage whistling a tune, quite happy with my loot. I'd just have to find Ingvild if I wanted to pump babies into a Leviathan. Big win in my opinion as they did a much better job designing the younger model.

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"Mother Fucker!" I roared as I felt completely bloated with power after barely absorbing any of the energy in one of the Ophis Snakes I picked up.

It was as if the author of the story of my life pumped the brakes on my ascension to supreme power. What kind of fucked up Chinese cultivation novel shit is this, bro? Am I going to have to 'Strengthen my foundation' before I can keep powering up? I don't care that Ajuka foreshadowed this shit back in chapter one! We were supposed to be balls to the walls nonstop till we hit the top!

Ranting at the imaginary author really helped me get some of the disappointment out of my system. In all honesty I was completely packed to the gills with newly attained power and it was obvious that I was going to have to let that shit settle and compact before I could keep boosting. Just because it made sense didn't mean I had to like it.

I was only one snake away from being able to smack Rizevim around like he owes me money. We could probably throw hands now if I got him away from any of his pals or toys. All geared and powered up with Reinforcement and Touki I am roughly a hundred times stronger than my solid ultimate class power, so I can definitely punch my way through the worst he ever threw in the novels, with his strongest attack being about city buster level.

That is the big secret about DxD. They talk all sorts of good shit, but when it comes to actual feats, no one has any. They all talk like they can destroy the world, but the biggest recorded attack was able to destroy a third of Heaven. Heaven is made mostly of light and clouds. If you can't destroy a third of it in one attack then you might as well strap a welcome mat to your ass.

They say Great Red can destroy the entire Underworld with only a fraction of his power, but him and Issei teamed up in the later novels and their combined feats were still disappointing as fuck.

Basically no one in DxD ever has a real Big Dick Moment.

I aim to change that.