CHAPTER 8: THE 'SHE' INSIDE ME

MARY

I don't know what is happening to me, but what is clear is that there is a lot of me inside of me, which makes me confused about the real me. It got triggered when I saw how the thug shot my uncle in front of us, which made our emotional baggage hard and heavy. I can't control the other me if they want to take over. It is like they are showing different personalities that make me look crazy. Even Josh cannot recognize me anymore, and I understand him because I can't recognize myself either.

"The drought makes everyone weak."

"The drought is not staying for a week."

"The drought wants everyone to die."

"But the voices will never bid you goodbye."

The voices inside me said, and I don't know if my voice included whispering in my head.

"Pull the trigger, pull the trigger. Bang! Bang! Everybody will die in your hand if they stand in your way."

And remember the man I shot. After pulling the trigger on the man who tried to kill me, I felt different. Watching him fall and die gives me satisfaction. It keeps on playing in my head all over. The world is in chaos now so am I. I am battling between the Lein and the other three inside of me. They also want to go out, but I am in control of everything since Lein is weak and scared.

I looked at the eggs, bread, milk and juice. I stole from his house is not enough; I need water. We need water, Lein's children need water, and I need water. So I decided to drive around the corner to check where I could get water while remembering what I had done. I watched the people that we passed by. The world is getting crazy, and everybody is struggling to survive, and I am one of them. The earth is getting hotter daily; the ground is cracking because of the heat, and thirst is the main problem. I remember way back before the drought happened. The people are having fun dipping themselves in water. We enjoy playing with water like a child. Now, everybody is killing each other to have water. We realize now how important water is now that it is gone. I looked at the boy beside me, and he was still silent, maybe because he was still shocked. Soon, he will absorb everything that today's world is different from that we had before. So we need to be tough for Lein and everybody because if not, we will die, and I don't want that to happen.

Lein used to be silent, and she was a crying woman. I don't like her because she doesn't know how to fight. That is why I took over, and when I took over, nobody could hurt her. I will be her protector and assure her that she will always be in a safe place.

"Are you okay there, kiddo?" I asked while driving. He looked at my hands with blood and shook his head.

"No", He answered. He was still shocked and scared that he had almost peed on his pants. I saw his legs shaking, too, because of what he had witnessed. This boy is so funny. Why does Lein like him for her daughter?

"We need to find water, or else we will all die," I said, but he didn't answer.

"Oh, God, have mercy on us," he said. I looked at him and laughed and said nothing. I was like that before, but days passed, and I realized he was not real because if he was, where was he now? Why is he letting his children kill to survive? After the pandemic, we still struggle to survive, no matter how we ask for forgiveness. He can't hear us, but what is real anyway? Even science can not explain what happened. Things suddenly change, and it is worse than the pandemic. I saw burning houses and thieves looting at the groceries, malls and even drugstores. This is the time when everyone will judge each other to survive. I want to loot, too, but it is already crowded because the people are there to loot.

I stopped when I saw the dead man lying on the side of the road. The crows are eating him already. I immediately checked who it was because he looked like the crazy man who owned the turban I was wearing now. I went to the dead body, and the crows flew away. I saw him with no eyes anymore, and he was in the first stage of decomposing. Beside him is broken ground. He is digging for water, but the water under is already dry because of the sun's heat. The temperature was getting high daily, and I felt like we were inside the oven. I looked at the dead body for a moment and shook my head. I know he was killed because he had a gunshot in his head. I can hear the flies buzzing as well. I cover my nose because of the smell coming from his dead body.

"It is not him," I said, returning inside the car and driving away. We went to the Buntod Reef because I wanted to see what happened after six months. I parked the car and went down.

"You don't want to go down?" I asked and opened the door for him. He unbuckled and went down even though I knew he didn't like it.

"We need to get water and petrol. The water is for us, and the petrol is for the car. We need to find supplies if you want to survive." I told him,

"But not with the killing," He said,

"Well, be killed...GO DIE," I told him. Just in case he didn't know that we are in an era of getting killed if we will not kill.

"How could you such be inhumane?" The boy asked. I walk near him and face him.

"What is your name again?" I asked.

"What? You didn't know me?"

"He is Josh, Mom"

"Oh, I forgot," I told Ellen, who talked to me inside my head.

"What I am doing is for Lein and the family, and it's for you, too," I told him, which confused him.

"What is wrong with you?"

He asked, but I didn't answer. I walked around, and he followed me. The whole Buntod was lifeless. There is no blue and seawater, only cracking ground, dried corals, shells, or dead animals. The entire place looks like hell now. I heard a plane flying, doing the cloud seeding, but it didn't work. The water was already dry before it touched the ground. The earth is killing all the living now. Maybe what is happening now is still part of the earth's revolution—wiping all the living things to have new living things? It doesn't make sense to me.

While strolling. I heard a gunshot, and two policemen shot a man with a container. I know they will steal the container. The poor man lay lifeless on the ground as one bullet hit his heart. I grabbed the kid to get down on the hot ground. The police officers didn't need to see us, or they would shoot us too. I watched them put seven containers inside the police mobile and drive away. I immediately grabbed the kid, and we went back to the car. I need to follow them to get their water.

"Buckle up; this will be a joy ride," I told the kid, which is what he does.

I followed them wherever they went, but when they noticed me following them, they stopped and looked back, so I stopped too. I keep my cool down. I don't need to panic because I know everything will be alright. I pull my blouse a little down to reveal more of my skin and show my breast's firmness. I touched my gun, hid it beside me, and watched the police officer go down and walk to me.

"Hi, baby girl, what do we got there?" He asked with his head in my open car window and his eyes on my cleavage. He looks the same age as me. I looked at him, looked at his buddy inside the police mobile to measure everything and looked back at him. I know I can take them over.

"Nah, nothing, just strolling around", I answered with a flirty voice.

"What is your name?" He asked again,

"Mary," I answered with a flirty smile. I was trying to catch him with charm.

"This is not the good year to stroll, Mary," He said, laughing and looking at me seriously.

"Honestly, why are you following us?"

"For this", I answered, grabbing him inside my car and shooting him thrice on his head. His blood splashed all over my face and made the car messy. The boy got shocked again and speechless. I threw the dead police officer and looked at his buddy, surprised inside the police mobile. He grabbed his gun from his holster, and I knew he would go down and kill me. I immediately turn on the engine and bump his police mobile. Twice, thrice and many times. I saw his nose bleed because he smashed his head, making him dizzy. That is the disadvantage of not wearing a seatbelt. I immediately got the shotgun in the back seat, and I shot the police officer in the head, and he died immediately. Our distance is just an inch away. That is why it is easy for me to headshot him. The bullet passes thru my windshield and goes to his windshield and bullseye. He is dead now. What goes around comes around. They stole the water from the old man; now I will steal their water. I unbuckled my seatbelt, went down from my car, and checked what they got. I took his gun, his chocolates, and his cigarette. I checked what was in the trunk and saw the containers beside the three bottles of petrol. One litre for each bottle, so I will have three litres. Not bad.

"Hey, buddy", I called him, still sitting inside the car, shocked and speechless.

"Hey! are you going to help or not?" I asked him while holding my gun. He removed his seatbelt and went down the car. I saw him looking at the dead police officers, and he looked at me.

"Help me, please," I said to him with a smile.

We carry the containers one by one and put them inside our car. I took the bottles of petrol too, and I sighed. I sat at the police mobile and lit the cigarette I took from them. My problem is solved. We already have a supply of water that is good for seven days. Seven containers are suitable for seven days, plus I have petrol for my next search for water after finishing the stick of cigarette. I noticed I was covered with blood and sticky, so I decided to drive back to the couple's house with a well with many dead cats inside to freshen up. I use one container for drinking and washing, and I told the boy to wash because he is covered with blood too, and now we only have six containers left, but that is not bad. It will still survive us anyway.

I looked at the man that I had just shot. I pity him because he became crazy and killed his wife, believing in aliens that took our waters. I borrow his wife's cloth for a moment because my cloth is wet. I need to dry it under the sun. The sun shines too bright, and my cloth will quickly dry. I cooked two eggs for the boy and me and gave them to him. He looked at the egg I put on the table and looked at me.

"What?" I asked, but he didn't answer.

"You don't like the egg?"

"How could you freshen up yourselves after all the killing? How could you go back and cook eggs in the house of a man you killed?" He asked me, and finally, I heard his voice again.

"How could you ask those questions after I cooked you egg and provided you water?" I asked back because I was pissed off. I saw him sigh and look away.

"Just eat because I know you are hungry," I said, and we started eating silently with the eggs I cooked using the utensils of the man that I had just killed a while ago. I am so hungry and tired. I will pass out once I arrive home.

Now that we have water, I don't need to think about how to survive Lein's children and her family. I will go home with good news for them, and after, I will go and hunt for food and water again. Right now, money is useless when I see cash and some coins on the shelf. I leave it there because water is more important. After eating and drying my cloth, I wear my cloth back and prepare to leave. Now I am ready to go to my family. I took the key from the man's pocket because we would take his truck. I know I can use his truck someday. I will drive the car, and the boy will drive the pick-up truck.

"You will not be going to run away, right?" I asked him, and he shook his head. I laughed and said, "Just kidding; I know you will not because you don't have a place to go."

I looked at the sky again before getting inside my car. The thing up there is still there, and until now. Nobody can explain what that thing is up there. Science is silence, while religion says; it's a punishment. How could it be a punishment if there was no one there?

"Here's the key," I said, throwing the pick-up truck key to the boy. He opened the door, but before he rode, I called him, and he looked at me. "Ei,"

"Don't escape from me", I said while showing him my gun; I just wanted to make sure before he did something I would not like. He nodded.

"Good," I said.

"Yes, Lein", He said,

"Mary", I corrected while looking at him.

I went inside the car, and he went inside the pickup truck. Turn on the engine, and we both leave.