19: No mind

The breeze hit me with a vengeance...

We were at the mountain peak where the wind was blowing like crazy tonight.

I watched the golden city below shine with a million lights,

My city...

Yet somehow I felt cheated and lonely in this town.

I don't remember the exact time when we reached here.

But it feels like forever.

When Tristan asked if I wanted an escape... I didn't have to think twice to say yes.

And so here I was, shivering to the cold with a hole in my heart.

"My Dad is going to hate me"

I spoke suddenly without previous notice.

"Why?"

Tristan was sitting next to me in silence until I flung this at him without notice. We were watching cars buzzing by in the roads below, Bloomsville reduced to a thousand golden specks.

"If anything he should thank you"

How could he be so nonchalant?

"Thank me? I killed the both of us, a week from now we'll be dead! You should probably run or they'll kill you too"

I wiped at the tears on my cheek.

"I think I'm gonna... stay to find out what happens"

I snorted and shook my head, pressing my lips together.

Yeah so like him to say that...

The wind howled past me sharply making me shiver.

"Here"

He removed his jacket and offered it to me.

"No thanks I'm used to it"

"Just take it"

He wrapped it around my shoulders and scooted closer to give me warmth.

I looked at his face.

"Why are here right now?"

I said and stared into his eyes. The pain and uncertainty that I was going through at this moment reflected back from his eyes like a slap in my face.

It was a galaxy... of a million golden stars in an ocean of dark brown.... almost an empty blackness.

But that emptiness was filled with something now and I didn't know what it was.

The idea of not knowing that hurt me so much to the point that I felt suffocated.

Just tell me.....

But whatever that emotion in his pools maybe.... they were the only thing keeping me afloat at this point.

A permanent feeling of dread had settled in my heart since I said the words that I said at Bear's and it was sinking my innards, making me numb to all kinds of emotions.

But now...

Looking into his eyes...

I feel a slight nervousness and.... pain in my chest.

He looked at me a few more moments before looking to his intertwined hands.

"Ouch Woods... that hurt"

"I don't want you here Tristan... you should leave"

I was killing myself.

It was punishment to all the chaos that I have created so far...

Believing that I could make it...

Dreaming about leaving this place....

Crying at night for my Mom...

Trying to stop my Dad from drinking...

I deserved so much more for the f****ing bullshit that I created.

I needed whips to slash at my skin and kill me.

Madness...

Madness is what I am and what I make other people do...

We were two souls so deep into our demons and he didn't leave.

For a long long time I thought of where everything went wrong.

Where did I make mistakes...

What could I have done to make things better?

I was so angry... Angry at the world for not letting me live...angry at my Dad for ruining our lives... angry at myself for being so stupid and useless .... angry at Tristan for making me feel things I shouldn't be feeling; for not leaving me alone and at me for enjoying that.

After the cacophony of my mind it suddenly came to a stop and I looked out into nothing...

An empty shell with no mind.

Tristan voice alerted me to my world.

"You know my Mom....

She...........

hated Dad, hated him to a point where I didn't ..... understand why they were still to...gether"

He was looking into the distance like me and I didn't face him.

"I grew up listening to them scream at each other"

He closed his eyes as if in pain, a tear falling down his eyes. I looked at him... Tristan had a dark life... just like me.

"This one night when I was a kid... I don't remember maybe 8... I was sleeping upstairs and I h-heard this s-sound downstairs?..... so I went down to check. The shower was running and the bathroom....door was open and they were there....She was their with another man.......without clothes"

And we stayed in silence for a while as I thought about what he said... He took the time to contain his feelings.

"Ummm... Dad wasn't home. And at that time all I wanted was for him to never find out... but it happened again and again and I just wanted everything to stop"

He ran both his hands through this hair like a way to relieve the suffocation and the grief. I didn't know that I was crying until the breeze cooled the tear drops on my cheek.

" But he found out eventually and he left us. And I was all alone.... More men, smoke God the smoke... it covered the house from day till night. I would sleep in the attic when the noise got too much. And Mom gave me my first cigarette when I was 11....it was my birthday present you know? Best present in the world..."

He had a distant expression on his face as he looked out into the sight below.

He had been through so much all alone. I could only imagine the helplessness he might have felt.

And then he lightly touched my chin with his fingers bringing our faces close to each other. My heart jumped like it just received oxygen after a century of breathlessness.

"That's why I like you so much... you don't cheat Rose...not knowingly. You're so kind and so much more than I could ever possibly deserve. Even when you don't have to, you would put yourself at risk to save someone and that's so f***ing beautiful. I would do anything to protect you but if staying with you is all I'll ever get .... then I'm willing to take that"

He likes me?

I pressed my lips together and looked down into the grass to think about what he said... all of it.

"I'm sorry"

He shook his head, the black locks falling so gracefully over his forehead.

"Why? You didn't do anything wrong"

I looked into his and tried to conjure a smile but I couldn't.

I ran my hands through the small stubble on his face,

This was a beautiful person right there.

Both inside and out.

He was so perfect to my eyes.

"Thank you for sharing that with me"

My voice was a tiny whisper only for his ears to hear.

"You asked why I was here right now? I'm here because I saw you.... I saw you and I saw someone so precious that I could never possibly leave alone. I'm just fucked up but you push me to be something more and now... I never want to be without you"

"I don't want to be without you either"

I looked into his eyes and knew.....

So much for trying to lockdown my heart.

Now it has fallen in love.

He bit his lip and I wanted to kiss him.

But I was too scared and he kissed my forehead instead. A cool touch of his lips for a few seconds....

I loved it.

He wrapped his arms around me and I leaned into his torso.

If my life hadn't been hanging by the frail threads of uncertainty, I would have considered this moment -

Us... looking down at the most beautiful sight in the world together with me finally realising that I was head over heels in love....

Perfect.

_Authors note_

FOLLOW INSTAGRAM : _t.a.r.a.s.t.o.n.e_ for more.

Hi guys,

Hope all of you had a good day... Personally this was a very hard chapter for me to write and I tried to give it as much justice as I possibly can. I hope you guys enjoyed it and if there is any criticism regarding this chapter please tell me in the comments. I would like to hear your thoughts on this one...

Tarastone_

P.S- Let the drum rolls playyy coz the story is about to begin...

Hint: A petal from the Rose will fall....soon.

Guys this has been so much fun but please support me if you can and open the locked chapters... please you are an absolute angel if you have done it. There is so much more to Rose's story, so much more... and if you leave it here right now it's going to such a big loss because whatever you think right now... that's not how the story is going to end. So try your best to open the chapters I promise you that you will NOT regret it.