Chapter Forty Three

                              IAN’S POV

                    MAKES MY HEART RACE  

I never saw it coming

When you caught me way off guard

I almost crashed my car

That melody you wrote

I'm falling for some body I don't know

Maybe you could sing it with me

Don't know who you are 

But you spoke to my heart 

That melody you wrote 

Please don't be some body I don't know

But I feel like I already know you

then  I join the chorus. I am blown away by her voice. She has such beautiful voice. We are looking at each other and we are singing. I feel like we are the only ones in this world as we sing. Her eyes are so beautiful, all I just want to do is drown in the beauty of eyes. I can not stop my self no more. I will tell her. I will say it any way. I do not care no more.

So tell me, will you call me?

I'll be waiting

Tell me that you want me

And I'll be there to play for you

Play for you tonight

And baby, you'll be singing with me

we stop here and keep staring at each other for as long as I can remember until I  finally say some thing that Makes her breath hitch.

” I like you . A whole lot. “ She does not say any thing and keep looking into my eyes and me into her. I place a palm on her face and move closer to her face. Our lips are so close that they could meet with any slight movement. In no time i close the space between us. I am kissing her now. Deep, slow and passionate. I am not kissing with lust. just pure emotions. My head is releasing sparks. I can not help munch self. She opens her mouth, giving my tongue invitation into her Mouth. I take her cue and invade her mouth with my tongue. We lock tongues and we are tasting each other. My heart is racing like crazy. My thoughts are all over the place. 

I feel like I am swimming in passion. She makes my heart race. I’m not sure how long we have been kissing. I finally stop and I pull away from her. She is does not move an inch. She remains rooted to in the same spot I pulled out of, unmoving. I look in to her eyes waiting for her to say some thing, any thing. But she does not. She just stays there looking at me confused and Flabbergasted. I expect her to be. I think I was too forward with this. I did not even give her a chance to refuse or consent.  Fuck! what if she refuses?  What if she pushes me away? What if she does not want to see me any more? ‘ think positively Ian ‘ I say to my self. I don’t say any thing either. I just keep staring back at her. My heart is beating loudly in my chest. I am sure she could hear it too. I am nervous as fuck. I feel like I might cry if she rejects me. I have never cared for anyone this way in my life. I have never kissed any woman with out getting my cock hard. I have never looked at any woman in the way I look at steph. Most of all I have never loved any woman in the way I love steph. Yes I admit it. I love her. Now I feel it in full force. I have been trying to deny it but self denial solves nothing. 

She stands up abruptly and I stare at her confused and scared. Shit!!! She is going to reject me now. Fuck!!! I am doomed. 

“ we should not be doing this “  she says and takes a step back ward. I stand up and face her. 

“ I did not want this either “ I say and take a step towards her

” then stop it already “ she says 

“ you think I would not have done that if I could? “ I ask 

“ you are my my sons best friend. Phoenix would freak out if he finds out about this. I can’t do this. We can’t do this “ she says and walks away. I follow her with my eyes and watch her walk towards the fridge. I follow her and stand behind her while she grabs a bottle of water from the fridge. 

“ you think I have not thought about it? You think I did not weigh the risk I am about to take right now? You think I didn’t weigh my chances here? “ I ask rather angry now. 

“ you think it’s easy for me? You think I enjoy hiding my love life from my best friend? Steph for Christ’s sake I have never felt this thing for any one before. You bring out the best in me. “  I continue my voice higher than before. Right now I can not control my emotions. 

“ I know it’s not easy for you but you have to stop this right now Ian “ she says and gulps down her water, sets the bottle on the table and walks away. I don’t stop following her. I walk right behind her pushed at the words she keeps throwing at me. I spin her around and hold her in place. 

“ I have to stop this? Me ? You think I’m the only one in this? You think you are not involved here? Don’t you fucking act like you feel nothing for me. “ I’m almost yelling now. I continue anyway cause I don’t care right now.

“ can you swear on me right now that you feel nothing for me? Can you swear on me that you have never felt anything for me starting from our time in the hospital?  Well I will tell you right now that I know you feel some thing for me. I know you it in nub guts. I felt it when I kissed you. You have feelings for me steph. You just don’t want to admit it.”  By the time I finished talking I was breathing fast and heavy. My heart beating aloud in my chest. She’s looking at me like I have just grown an additional head. 

“ I..... i .. I do not feel any thing for you. “ she says with a hard stutter. I Face palm my self. Why does she keep denying it. I looked at her with a tired face. I just stare now with out saying nothing. 

“ you are not even brave enough to admit it. Why can't you admitted step you like me what's so hard about it? " Ask her this time new voice she says nothing she walks away from me slowly and sits on the couch. She sticks her fingers into her hair with her head facing the ground. I just watch her and sit closer. I watch her rocking back and forth back and forth. She keeps doing that for a good amount of time. It looks like she is having conflict with her self. This gives me hope at least she's not pushing me away she is deliberating. I just hope to the liberation births a positive result. Then she stops abruptly. Finally I look up with expectant eyes. Of course I am wishing she is about to say something positive. She looks so frustrated eyes. 

" Leave " she says and I stare at her wide eyed. I feel like I have just been star struck. I am sure if we were in our happy States right now should be laughing. I miss her smile.

" Steph no. If you think that I would just let you throw away what we have, then I am sorry to burst your bubble honey. I will not do that. " I just look at her. Right now I am wishing she really re thinks her decision.

" Just get the fuck out of here " she yells and I am surprised. I stand up and try to reason with her. 

" Look we could take care of Phoenix. He would understand. I know that for sure. And if it is about your first love, I promise I would help you get over him. We can do this together. I. ......... " She doesn't even let me finish my words, she stands up immediately and starts to push me out. 

 " I said to get the fuck out of my house. I don't want to see you right now. " She says and pushes me out the door.

I don't like you anymore I just let her push me out I'm stopping my car enter the driver suits and close the door. I'm confused right now I don't know what to do. I think I'm going crazy. I just want to vent my anger so I shout and hit the steering multiple times. This is what I've been scared of. So this is it? This not the life I dreamed of. I don't want to be broken hearted. I Don't want to be broken hearted again. I have been there before. I know what it feels to be heavy hearted. I have been there before. I have felt this encruciating pain before. When my best friend died because of me. When my own mum left me. When I felt like I had no one. I can't afford to loose her. Not when I haven't even had her yet. I a angry with nature. Why fate make me fall in love with her that fast. Why would fate give me some one I can't have. Why would nature put me in such tight position. I don't like it. I press the start button of my car and speed off. I don't know where I'm going I don't know where I want to go I just want to go far away from all this madness. To a place where I can express my feelings without being scared about losing another relationship in expenses to my love life. Just want to be alone. And you this would happen. But I did not expect it to hurt this way. It's too painful. I just keep driving far far far away. To the beach side where I always stayed each time I felt this way maybe not as hard as this but at least hurt. 

I take off my shoes and work close to the water. I look at my phone no message no call from her I do open in my pocket and sit on the sand. My eyes are far across the ocean I take of my jacket and drop it in the sand. 

******************** Steph's Pov *******************

Damn it! What the fuck just happened? Oh my god he really likes me no he doesn't like me he loves me. I don't know what to say to him I just keep my head low rocking back and forth.  I'm really really confused right now I just keep gripping my hair trying to think. I really really really can't deny the fact that I also have strong feelings for him. I haven't felt for anybody like this since Kayden left. I never ever ever thought in this life that I'll feel something strong for someone apart from Kaden. This is not supposed to happen it was never supposed to happen. It's been more than two hours since he left. I lay on my bed thinking about what happened this evening. I think about his eyes his beautiful smile his hair. I feel like I am going crazy I should just admit it already I like her no I won't say I love her I do have strong feelings for him. I decide I will. yes I will. I should.  I should not deprive myself from love just because I got disappointed before or because the person in question is my son's best friend. Well this is really fucked up big time. I was still lying down trying to think of how I will admit my feelings for him when my phone rang. I jumped up immediately think it was him, I dove for my phone. When I saw the fapper I D it was not him. It is phoenix. Phoenix? He doesn't calls this late. I wonder why he is calling. I pick the phone. 

' hello baby ' I say in the phone speaker

" Hi mum ' he replies 

' what's up. Why you calling this late. That's unliie you. ' 

' mum it's Ian ' he says and I feel like my heart just dropped. Jesus! What happened to Ian. I feel my eyes well up in tears. 

' w..  what hap..pened to him. Ian? " I asked scared. Jesus Christ! Did he have an accident? If he does it would be because of me. My mind starts to go different places. I stand up immediately. 

' calm down mum. nothing happened to him. Just that he has not come back to the dorm yet. And he told me he was going to see you . ' he says and my mind settles a little. But not entirely. 

" Emm.. he left this place about two hours ago or more. Shit what happened to him ? ' I was panicking now. 

' chill mum. Nothing happened to him. Maybe he went to the club or a bar or something. ' he says and I don't say anything. 

' I'll call him and tell you if I get him. ' 

' alright baby '. I say and he cuts the call. I don't waste any time I start to call him. First ring he does not pick second ring he does not pick 3rd 4th 5th 6th 7th 8th 9th 10th and he still has not picked I feel like I'm out of my wits right now. like I'm going to go crazy. My mind starts to busways so many possibilities so many what ifs.

I resort to texting him. 

Hi 

Ian please pick up the phone 

I am sorry 

Please call me back .

You are really scaring me 

Please call me 

You were right 

I have strong feelings for you 

I want to talk to you please 

I beg you please call me or phoenix

Ian!!!! 

I start to call him again. He still is not picking. I am really scared right now. I even resort to praying for him. 

I take my phone and set the camera, get my guitar and start to make a video for him. 

I must be crazy now

Maybe I dream too much

But when I think of you

I long to feel your touch

To whisper in your ear

Words that are old as time

Words only you would hear

If only you were mine

I wish I could go back to the very first day I saw you

Should've made my move when you looked in my eyes

'Cause by now I know that you'd feel the way that I do

And I'd whisper these words as you'd lie here by my side