Satan - Fifth Place

Let me tell you a story, children.

On December 4th, 1972, I was but eight years old, a foolish young child, just like all of you. Of course, I'm not calling you all stupid, but…

Anyway, as young and innocent as I was, I had still believed in Christmas, that Santa existed. Of course, I know he's fake now.

Oh, why are you crying? I… Oh. Your parents haven't told you yet? Yikes...

I misspoke, okay?! Santa is alive! He's real! He lives on the north pole with elvish slave workers who work themselves to the bone to fulfill your wishes!

…Okay, fine, that's all fake, but can you stop crying? Yeesh, it's not like your parents have been lying to you all this time.

Anyway, on this fateful night, I had written my christmas wish list for Santa - I'd wanted quite a few things.

A father and a mother - did I mention I was an orphan?

Food to fill my stomach - I had been starving.

A paper and a pen - to write my list.

Well, in my folly, I'd accidentally signed my mental wishlist to Satan, instead of Santa. Could you really blame me though? After all, I had never learned to spell.

I'm lucky? You wish you could've skipped school? Well, you'll understand your follies soon enough, for this is what happened after I'd sent my mental christmas wish list to Satan.

Christmas Eve, when everyone's parents and families were stuffing the bottoms of their Christmas trees with presents, a red devil had visited me in my sleep.

Do you know what it told me?

Alas, it told me the forbidden word. You all know what it is, right? What do your parents tell you when you scream that you want ice cream for breakfast, that you want cake for dinner?

"No!"