Vol.5 Ch.105- Some Food For Thought.

Kaladin Shadowheart's POV

I left a message with Bowen's secretary in the earliest part of the morning. He assured me that Bowen would receive the news in time and would be able to return late in the night tonight. A meeting has been set for tomorrow morning as we have a lot to discuss. Sylvia should be returning sometime tomorrow as well. And I, for one, was utterly exhausted…

The child has been sleeping soundly since her outburst, and once Sylas's uncle came to heal her, all was well. He was a Master light mage, and he healed nearly all of her wounds, including her damaged internals. He couldn't fix her starvation or hair, but at least her ears had been regrown. Sadly, it took the man a long time as he had to take multiple breaks between his sessions. Which showed just how badly the girl was injured and how amazing Grandpa was…

So Grandpa… you really are a Grand Master light mage…aren't you? I'm not sure who I want to know more about, Mom and Dad or you.

I had been expecting an older man to show up…sort of like Grandpa…but I was very wrong. I was also incorrect in my assumption that the Paines were going to encircle me and try something drastic. Either they weren't involved, or it was too risky, even for them.

But if Bowen weren't on the premises, then it would have been the perfect timing to try something daring.

Sylas's uncle turned out to be a former soldier in his late fifties. His hair was graying but only slightly, and he was in far better shape than any healer had a right to be. He reminded me of Professor Garrison with his sleeves rolled up to his biceps, showing off his muscular forearms. His demeanor also sort of unnerved me. For such an imposing man, he was unbelievably cordial and kind. I just had the sneaking suspicion in the back of my head that he was going to try and kill me for some reason.

Or maybe that was just me being on edge… yeah that's probably it.

I don't need to sleep all that much but I have been awake for almost two days now, which was full of many…many…tense situations that included both my emotional battery and my magical one. If I wasn't in as good shape as I am now, I probably would have passed out a long time ago. That and all my experiences over my life probably play a crucial part in that skill as well.

I don't want to go to sleep as I have no idea when she will wake up. I can hardly be dozing off in my room and have her wake up in an unfamiliar place for the second time. Once she was healed and safe, I moved her to my room so she could get some rest.

Wait…if she wakes up…do I even have anything to feed her?

I got off the couch and quickly searched the kitchen for something adequate for the child to consume. And it didn't take long for me to realize that the kitchen was utterly barren. I don't cook any food for obvious reasons, and Sylvia doesn't need to eat for obvious reasons as well. But, come to think of it, somebody would probably find our lack of food concerning.

I got every single meal from the cafeteria beside the occasional snack. And feeding a starved child chocolate or sweet bread was not on the table. So I had to come up with something, but I didn't just want to leave her here. The cafeteria would be open, but then again…do I want to parade a child around?

I should have taken a shower, damn it. But, no…no, I don't want to carry her around like this. What to do, what to—

The door to my room opened up slowly and I watched it with bated breath. I knew it was going to be her, but I had no idea what kind of mood she would be in. I'm unsure if my hearing can handle another round of her banshee screaming. Finally, her nervous, sleepy blue eyes locked onto me, and she stepped out of the room on shaky legs, walking towards me cautiously…while being completely nude.

That is…not good. Clothes… clothes are a thing people need. And I have no clothing fit for a child…let alone a young girl…crap.

I grabbed a blanket beside me and slowly walked over to her. I made sure not to make any sudden movements, and when I got close, she recoiled away from me and closed her eyes while letting out a small whimper. I gently wrapped the blanket around her and gave her a warm pat on the shoulder.

"Let's get you something to wear…okay?" I suggested in Beastmen.

She meekly nodded at me but kept her eyes closed. I wasn't sure what to do…I didn't have anything to give her so…oh..well, I could search Sylvia's room for something appropriate. Ah…but Sylvia would probably kill me if I went rummaging around in her room. But then again…this is an emergency situation.

Whatever. If she bites me harder, so be it. I can hardly have this child walking around wearing nothing.

I guided her toward the couch and helped her up onto it. She wasn't so small that she couldn't get on the couch herself. She was just that frail. I felt that if I put even a little too much pressure on her, I would harm her…sort of like that one time with Cerila.

Bad times… bad times all around.

"I'm going to go find you something to wear, okay? Just wait right here." The girl responded to me with another slight nod as she nestled into the corner of the couch like she was trying to disappear from me.

I opened the door to Sylvia's room and let out a muffled grunt of surprise. It was… in need of serious cleaning. I tended to keep up the general tidiness of the dorm myself as it was just something I wanted to do. However, Sylvia's room was the one room in the entire space that I did not clean. And…well…it's self-evident that she doesn't either.

Sheets lay tossed into corners hiding god knows what underneath them. Although Sylvia didn't need to eat food at all, she sometimes did eat snacks from time to time, often leaving some of those unfinished. Is that a… half-eaten muffin on her nightstand?

Why is she like this?

Clothes were thrown about all over the place. I had to battle a spare sheet for some reason even to find her dresser to find it mostly empty. Of course… any clothing Sylvia really wanted to wear would be inside of her ring. Would it kill her to at least pick up her more…private…attire.

This was a mistake. I've made a mistake, and I need to find what I'm looking for and leave immediately.

I rummaged around her dresser, trying to find literally anything that might work for the girl. Unfortunately, it was all just undergarments and some spare nightgowns that were way too big for the kid to wear. I was tempted to pick up a dirty shirt or something, but that was out of the question as well, I can't be having her wear Sylvia's dirty laundry.

Does Sylvia do my laundry more than her own? Why…ah, finally.

I found an old-looking gray cotton shirt tucked away in the corner of the dresser. As far as I could tell there was nothing special about it and…wait…this shirt…it's mine? Well, whatever… it was one I had before my growth spurt, so it's on the smaller side.

I left the room and went out to help the child get dressed. She was initially reluctant, but it only took a bit of coaxing for her to slide the old shirt on. For her, it was more like an oversized dress but that's fine. I also wanted her to wear something underneath, but I knew that was a lost cause, so I didn't even bother fretting over it.

Now food…what am I going to do?

I didn't even need to ask her if she was hungry because I already knew the answer. Slaves were always hungry. I just had to find…find someone. A friend. Varnir.

Varnir was in the building adjacent to the nobles, and I was confident he would have food in his dorm. He also mentioned that he enjoyed cooking, so at the bare minimum, he could make something or at least watch the girl while I gathered supplies for him. It's a win-win.

"We are going to go on a little walk for some food, okay? You are hungry, yes?" I asked slowly.

The girl's eyes lit up ever so slightly at the mention of food. It wasn't enthusiasm, and she seemed to be holding back her hopes somewhat, but she nodded and slowly got off the couch, only to start falling. I quickly grabbed her mid-air and just decided I would carry her.

She let out a low growl and tried pushing away from me, but she realized it was futile after the first two attempts. That and she quickly tired herself out. So she hung loosely in my arms as I carried her outside and towards the regular student dorms.

Doing this earned me quite a few confused and concerned stares from students.

I was just lucky that nobody decided to stop me. The last thing I wanted to do was explain my situation to somebody I didn't know or, even worse…to somebody I knew.

I was of course, going to have to tell Varnir, but that wasn't much of a problem in my eyes. Considering the Shadow Clan's predisposition to helping children, I'd hope he may be more inclined to support me. And we are friends…well we were…I still hope we are.

And Varnir is a good man, that much I'm sure of.

—

"Varnir, it's me, Voker. Open up."

I could hear Varnir's mumbling through the door. The regular student dorms lacked a lot of the extra features that the nobility dorm had, such as the soundproofing on every individual room. And of course, they weren't literally safe houses built into a fort that just happened to look like luxury apartments…and they didn't have armed Royal Guards patrolling the halls.

Man, the regular students are really getting the short end of the sick. But I imagine Bowen would want to bring all of these features to every student if he could. Unfortunately, he can't fight every battle and expect to win.

Varnir threw the door open rather aggressively. His sleepy pink eyes just looked at me in a daze. I wasn't sure if the man was awake as he sloshed his tongue around in his mouth and continued looking at me absently-mindedly.

"Varnir…it's past noon…are you awake or are you sleepwalking?" I asked cautiously.

Varnir scrunched his face up and moved his long black hair from his face. He narrowed his eyes at me and slightly stuck his tongue out from his mouth. "Don't know yet…" he mumbled.

"Well, I need you to be awake. I have a favor to ask of you."

Varnir blinked a few times, then looked right into the eyes of the little girl I was holding. He seemingly counted to three in his head, then nodded to himself. "Yeah…I'm not awake yet." The Dark Elf let out a great yawn and moved to close the door on me when I stuck my foot into the frame.

"You may not be awake, but the two of us are…now stop doing…whatever it is that you are doing because you are scaring the child," I said sternly.

He mouthed the words child at me and went to close the door on me again. I just let out a sad sigh in response as he tried gently closing the door with my foot still in the way.

Well, violence isn't always the answer. But sometimes, it's the solution. And my patience is running thin as it is…

I grabbed Varnir by the wrist and formed a lightning magic spell core. Tiny tendrils of yellow lightning arced from my fingers and crawled up Varnir's arm, giving him a little shock and sending the hair on his head on end. The Dark Elf twitched slightly and let out a small moan as his eyes focused on me for the first time since opening the door.

"Voker?! What is going on? Did you just shock me? What—"

"Just let us in…and stop shouting. Her nails are digging into my tender shoulder, and I'm about to put you back to sleep myself," I grunted.

Varnir gave me a dazed look but reluctantly opened the door and let me inside. I carefully removed the child's fingers from my shoulders, and surprisingly, she didn't fight me over it or make a fuss. I was guided to the much smaller seating area Varnir's dorm had to offer compared to mine. I sat the girl down in one of the comfy chairs, and she nestled into the corner of it as usual.

In all honesty, I found the smaller space to be quite nice. Varnir's dorm was quiet, clean, and in good condition. I was aware that everyone in these dorms had at least a single roommate, maybe even more, depending on the room size. Judging by Varnir's room and the number of doors, he had one roommate.

They are probably in school right now, considering only our class is on break.

"Voker…I have about ten million questions but let's start with why you are here?" Varnir asked with a tired voice.

"I need you to cook this girl some food. She is starving, and as I mentioned before, I can't cook. I also want to avoid taking her to the cafeteria where there are a lot of people, and the odds of her having an episode are high," I informed him.

And I would rather everyone and their mother not see me holding a barely clothed starving Beastmen child.

Varnir was trying to pat his frizzed-up hair down, but he wasn't succeeding, so he let out a defeated sigh. "Okay, I can do that… no problem. Did you have something in mind?"

"Something light and highly nutritious. She needs to be able to eat it with minimal assistance."

"Well, that narrows it down… a stew perhaps…but no meat that might be too much and it would take a long time…just a soup, I suppose…" Varnir rattled on for a few seconds until he decidedly came to a conclusion. Then he looked at me with a wide smile. "Now, care to explain why you have some random starving child with you? Why is she very clearly afraid of us? And why did you call her 'this girl'… who says that? What is her actual name?"

A name…oh yeah…

"I have no idea what her name is," I said honestly. "And the answer to the rest of your question is… please don't ask? Just understand this girl was in desperate need of assistance, and I provided it. Think nothing more of it."

Varnir blinked at me. "Voker… I have to ask you a question, and I want to start by saying that we are friends. At least I hope me and you are friends. But I really must know, and please don't take this to heart, but are you stupid?"

Huh?

"I'm sorry…what?"

Varnir continued to look at me with a deadpan expression. "I mean, you score unbelievably high on all your tests…you are right behind Linnetia on everything, and for as long as I've known her, nobody has ever managed to score as high as her and do it so regularly. So that means you must be smart. I mean, you have to be, right? But yet here you are…carrying around a child you don't even know the name of…and that's not even bringing up the whole Sylvia and Lauren fiasco…"

I almost think Varnir is messing with me, but never in my life has somebody held such a serious look and asked me if I was stupid. I'm at a loss for words.

Am I stupid? And fiasco?

Varnir hooked his head and shrugged. "Well, we can talk about that while I cook. But first…ask 'the child' her name…idiot…"

Yes… I should do that.

I cleared my tired throat and prepared myself to speak in the Beastmen language. Talking in this language really takes a toll on your throat if you aren't used to it. "Your name. What is it?"

Stare.

Shrug.

That's not good.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But my friend would like to know it, and he is the one that's going to be making your food…you should at least tell him," I suggested.

The girl looked over at Varnir, and he gave her a wide smile. The girl scowled at him, coiled her cheetah tail around her head, and tried digging deeper into the chair.

Varnir looked completely defeated as he stood up from his seat and walked over to the kitchenette. "Feisty one…but the Beastmen language? Does she not speak anything else?" Varnir asked out loud.

"You have no idea…" I grumbled. "But yes, it appears she speaks it… or at least understands it. I've never heard her talk before."

Varnir started taking ingredients from the shelves and pointing a knife at me. "Care to assist me?"

"Like I said…if you want to eat this, then I can't help you. I'm being very serious, by the way," I told him.

Varnir gave me an annoyed look but continued his preparations. "So I'm not even going to ask you about the girl because you clearly don't want to talk about it. So…what happened on that girls' trip, huh? I was talking with Tsarra, and apparently, things got pretty heated."

"Thank you for that," I told him. It makes my life way easier. "And that's what I'm aware of as well. However, nobody has informed me of what exactly happened. Also, you are talking to Tsarra again?" I asked, surprised.

"Yeah, well, that's sort of thanks to you. However, we aren't really talking again…just kind of. Also… I'm sorry about how things went down in that alley. If I just stepped in sooner, maybe things wouldn't have turned out like that, and you wouldn't have had to get involved. And Tsarra…well she won't be the one to tell you, but she's sorry about how she acted." Varnir stopped chopping some greens and looked at me with a serious stare. "She overreacted, and she knows it. She asked you to help her, and you did. She doesn't have any right to complain about how you saved her. So… please don't judge her too harshly…and forgive her, please?"

"I never held her reaction against her. So if you get the chance, tell her it's fine, to be expected even. And if there is anyone to forgive, it should be me…I should have controlled myself a bit more," I said awkwardly.

Varnir clicked his tongue. "That's not the right way to look at it, Voker…but whatever. Just talk it out the next time you see her in that case."

"You are…awfully feisty yourself upon waking up," I told him.

Varnir shrugged and waved a knife at me. "Not everyone can be like you waking up before the damn sun does, Voker."

It's past noon…not being awake at this time isn't normal. I'll have to remind myself not to speak to Varnir in the mornings…

"Now… for the real meat of the conversation…or should I say the vegetables?" Varnir asked with a dorky smile as he held up some potatoes.

I let out a tired chuckle. "Yeah…if you know why they are avoiding me, I would like to know. They all seem to be on edge…, especially around Sylvia. So…what happened?"

Varnir let out an annoyed sigh and looked at me. "Voker…do you really not know? Or are you pretending to be stupid again? Because I've heard about guys who do this… they act all clueless while actually understanding what's happening around them…and we are friends…but if you are doing this on purpose, then as your friend, I'll have to ask you to stop it."

"What? I… I really don't understand what's going on…if I knew, I wouldn't even bother asking you…"

Varnir gave me a disappointed look. "So smart yet so dumb…" Varnir muttered. "I'm starting to believe you really were born in a cave. But oddly enough, I completely believe you as you are probably the most genuine person I've met, or you are the best damn liar in the world."

"Thanks?" I squeaked.

Was that a compliment? Why do I get the feeling he is insulting me? He is insulting me, isn't he…

"Listen, Voker…do you ever wonder why this involves you? Like…why are they acting this way? Have you not realized it's because of you?" Varnir asked me with genuine confusion.

"Me? How is any of this my fault? I've done absolutely nothing?" I asked incredulously.

"It's not actually your fault, Voker. You are just the reason for it happening," Varnir told me straight-faced. "From what Tsarra told me…Lauren started it, and Linnetia ended it while Sylvia and Ren were fueling the flames."

That….does sound like Sylvia. And if it's not my fault… but I'm the reason… doesn't it mean that it's my fault?

"And this was all about me?"

Varnir nodded his head as he shoveled all the ingredients into the pan. He gave me a wink, and I obliged by lighting the fire with a bit of magic. "Thanks. But yes, it was about you. Can I ask you another question before I tell you anything more?"

"Sure?"

"Are you and Sylvia in a relationship?" Varnir asked me.

"Wait wha—" my words got caught in my mouth as his question rolled around in my brain. I felt my heart tighten and I think I stopped breathing for a moment. "No…"

"I see… judging by the answer that tells me what I need to know… I think. Voker…do you remember that conversation we had at the start of school in the bath about love and stuff?" Varnir asked me.

"Ummm…yes…"

"Well…you are going to continue to understand and learn from that conversation by taking the time to recognize the feelings you are experiencing currently. I don't want to tell you because I don't know for certain as I can't exactly reach into your head and find out… and knowing you, I may be dead wrong…but just sleep on it tonight, okay? And get Sylvia to tell you about what happened or maybe Ren…or Lauren if you are desperate. If you get serious with them, I imagine they wouldn't be able to turn you down if you asked them sincerely."

"I uh…okay?" I grumbled.

Vanir sighed again and set the cover over the pot. "Listen… I can tell you are tired from whatever happened to you…also your clothes are filthy and still bloody by the way… you should change…take a bath and get some rest. Just promise me you won't blow this off?"

Ah…I guess I do look awful.

"I promise. I'll think about it when my mind is more clear…"

Love? The girls? Is he suggesting that I love them? Do I love them? Is that what love is? Do I love Sylvia? I…I…I don't know…I can't say for sure as I've never experienced it before… oh man, I'm too tired for this crap.

"Wait…Varnir, tell me something, please. You and Tsarra? Do you two love each other? Or do you love her, I should ask?"

Varnir stopped cooking for a moment and turned his head towards me slowly. "Uhhhhhh…." he droned off.

"I'm asking because I..well, I want to see an example, I guess. My parents loved each other but…I don't know if I can tell the difference, I suppose…" I mumbled.

Varnir scratched his head awkwardly, and he sighed deeply. "Yeah…yeah, I like Tsarra. I have for a long time." Varnir's ears burned a bright pink, and he coughed. "Oh…I can't believe I just said that aloud."

"I see…and how did you know that you felt that way? I know you said it was different for everyone, but perhaps I can gain some kind of understanding from your experiences?" I suggested.

"If you just ask like that flat out, it's sort of awkward, you know…" Varnir grumbled while continuing to cook. Varnir looked over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow at me. "Isn't this where you normally say, 'oh, but you don't have to tell me if you don't want,' or something like that."

"Yes…normally I would say that, but I think I want your honest answers this time around," I said.

"Geeze, man…" Varnir moaned while putting the soup over the fire. "Listen…I just sort of came to a conclusion, you know? I thought about her all the time…like she was always in my mind like some spell. I caught myself staring at her for longer than I meant to…I always told myself how beautiful she was. Watching her get all nervous and stuttering around…it's so cute. But I would listen to every word she said, especially when she was talking about her favorite books. Sometimes I would even go and read them myself. I mean, I always wanted to know how things were at home and stuff. I asked about her duties as a princess and all that...I just…I guess it's stuff like that. Then one day, I asked myself if I loved her, and I answered myself with a very quick yes. Too bad that got us in our current situation."

Varnir said the last part with a deep sadness in his voice. He wasn't facing me, so I couldn't read his face, but I could tell that the last part hurt. Maybe this is why the two of them stopped talking? Did Varnir express his feelings, and Tsarra ran from him because of it?

That is…brutal. I…I definitely don't want that to happen. But what if Sylvia does have feelings for me? The way Varnir put it, I often think about those things as well…and sometimes go through those exact scenarios. Should I say something to her when I'm not even certain of my own feelings? Would that cause problems, and how would we overcome them? I can't—

"Try not to cook faster than the soup, please. I told you to think about it later," Varnir said with an embarrassed chuckle. "So uh…what are you going to do with her?" he asked while pointing a thumb at the girl.

Ah…I can think about this later…yeah…later.

She was staring over the edge of the chair into the kitchen, and the second we made eye contact, she went back to hiding. "I am having a meeting with Bowen tomorrow morning. I'm hoping he can help me a little."

"Bowen?" Varnir asked me. As the realization slowly washed over him, he just gave me another annoyed look. "You are on a first-name basis…with the Headmaster? Voker, who are you really? I saw that sword you pulled from a Spatial Ring…you can literally use three types of magic at super high levels, and you can fight in close combat with no problems."

"I'm nobody in particular."

Varnir let out another long sigh as he slumped into his sofa. "One of these days, will you tell me? Before you up and disappear?"

"I hope so," I muttered.

It was a long period of silence between the three of us. I didn't really know what to say, so I just elected not to say anything else. Varnir already gave me a lot to think about, and I was far too fatigued to be computing things I didn't understand.

Once the soup was finished, Varnir got up and served it to us. His eating area was small, but it was only meant for a tiny group of people anyway. I extended my hand to the girl, and she surprisingly took it. With a little bit of assistance and guidance, she managed to walk to the table and sit down.

The girl was dripping saliva into her bowl, and the second I blinked, she had shoved her entire hand into the bowl and poured the soup into her mouth. Varnir just looked on with a horrified expression, and now it was my turn to sigh. I scooted the girl back in her chair and she let out a low growl while trying to claw at me. It was a scene that I was all too familiar with.

Alnwar's tactics of slaves infighting to keep them weak also extends to his soldiers.

"Eat. Slowly. If you don't, you won't get any more for the rest of the day, understand? And use the spoon…" I made sure to help her with the first few bites. It was clear she had never used a spoon before.

"What did you tell her?" Varnir asked me.

"I told her to eat slowly, or she wouldn't be getting more."

"Why did you tell her that? She's just a kid ma—"

"You're right, and if she overeats, she can die. Light magic can fix a lot of things, but if she dies before I can get her to a mage, then nothing matters. She has come too far in her short life to die from overeating soup," I said seriously.

Varnir opened his mouth and then closed it. He looked into his soup with a far-off look in his eyes and continued to eat it in silence.

That was a little snappy of me…sorry, Varnir…

I turned my attention back to the child, and she was once again devouring the soup. Varnir gave her a heaping serving, so that was all she was going to get for the time being. It didn't matter if it seemed cruel not to let her eat. Letting her hurt herself was far harsher, in my opinion.

She licked her lips and let out a small burp. Her blue eyes locked onto my bowl and her arm quickly shot out to grab it. With my other hand, I swatted her hand away and put my bowl into my ring. Her eyes went wide with surprise. Then she looked up at me with a resentful look.

"I told you that if you ate too fast, you wouldn't be getting more. Now… let me help you…" I groaned while wiping her face free of leftover soup.

I felt Varnir staring at me and turned to look at him. "What?"

"Nothing…anyways…what are you going to do now? Just take her back to your room?" Varnir asked quickly.

"No, I want her to have some clothing. I can't have her walking around like this, so I figured I would buy her something in the markets."

Varnir scoffed at me. "You're one to talk." Varnir stood up from his seat and gave me a wry smile. "How about you take a bath here. I have some spare clothes you can borrow. I don't think walking around like that is going to go very well for you."

"Yeah, that would be for the best. But can you watch her?"

"I think I can watch a little girl for ten minutes…"