It may sound absurd, but being a Cosmic Patrol Officer isn't as easy as you might imagine.
While the Solar System is vast, the space around Earth is finite. In the past, nations launched various space devices at different times and in relatively small quantities. Unless it was deliberate, collisions were generally unlikely.
But since the Solar System development and construction plan led by Stark began, in a bid to advance the technical prowess of the entire human race, Stark shared many advanced space transport technologies with all countries.
His intention was positive: to instigate a technological race, allowing each country to display their strengths and develop more specialized technologies based on the foundations he provided.
Stark assumed that every country would hold off for as long as they could, and when they finally caved, they would adjust the numbers on their new spacecraft by proclaiming them as upgraded versions of their old ones.
His assumption wasn't wrong, as countries usually behave this way in the realm of weaponry. Even those that proudly flaunt their latest innovations would certainly keep something under wraps.
However, perhaps due to the impending dawn of the space era or the return of the Iron Curtain, which riled every country into a frenzy, each nation started launching all kinds of transport devices into space like there was no tomorrow, once the transport technology was introduced.
They seemed to have no clue where these devices were supposed to go, what their purpose was, or how they were going to retrieve them. They just tossed them upward without concern.
However, countries can only launch from their own territories. Since the Earth's rotation is constant and the launch paths are fixed, the process of firing these spacecrafts into space eventually turned into a game of Zuma, like frogs spitting out balls.
Initially, it was a contest of launch speed between countries. Later, it involved who had better accuracy to find openings in space for their 'frog' to spit out a 'sphere', thereby preventing collisions with others.
No matter how vast the space around Earth might be, it couldn't hold up against the numerous countries recklessly launching their spaceships.
Countries with higher technical capabilities were somewhat fine. But some countries, although technically inferior but with big ambitions, insisted on launching despite not being able to reach a far distance, resulting in frequent pile-ups in near-Earth space.
Reed, who was studying near-Earth projects, found himself observing traffic chaos from the Near-Earth Space Station like it was a traffic show. Frequent crashes creating a cacophony of impacts drove Reed to abandon his post and return to Earth for his research.
Polaris arrived here when things were still manageable. Stark didn't predict this scenario in advance. Rather, due to his transport spacecrafts frequently malfunctioning for no apparent reason, he thought it would be helpful to have a traffic cop to clear up the traffic.
Unexpectedly, his decision proved to be quite visionary as the Solar System saw an unprecedented flurry of activity in the following days.
The long history of the human race is filled with countless texts narrating epic stories. If you can't sleep at night and decide to crack open a book, you will find that there are mainly three words written all over—"Throwing Rocks!"
Stark convened a meeting at the United Nations. But he couldn't figure out what he had said wrong. Every country seemed to have misunderstood his intentions, and they started throwing their spaceships more enthusiastically, competing to see who could throw further, more stylishly and who could create more beautiful arcs...
Later, Stark discovered that the price of molten steel had risen and the price of vibranium had fallen. With cheaper prices for common metals, the manufacturing costs of chemical-fuelled space devices had reduced.
The major nations, that could afford to launch in the first place, launched even more due to the lowered costs. The smaller nations that couldn't afford to launch before, having received technology assistance from Stark, were now also able to join in.
However, this had put the newly appointed Cosmic Patrol Officer, Polaris, in a tough spot. In the vast cosmos, she was the only one on traffic duty, guiding thousands of spacecrafts lacking any traffic safety awareness.
As she cleared the traffic, she noticed the glaring display of distinct national characteristics in these spacecrafts.
The American transport ships exemplified the spirit of 'Rush and Crush.' They stomped on the accelerator pedal relentlessly, allowing nothing to stand in their way to the cosmos, not even God. Every aspect of their spacecraft, from design to power, screamed, "Everyone, make way! I'm here to illuminate the universe first!"
Continuing the Soviet style, the Russian ships seemed to merge some scientific archaeological research findings. More is better, bigger is more beautiful. They kept producing and throwing as many rockets as possible, and even if they failed, they didn't care, blowing up on the spot and removing one problem from existence.
Chinese spacecrafts were decent and formal, the most 'normal' of them all. However, the items transported by these ships were the most absurd. Polaris feared opening their 'loot containers' the most, as you never knew whether they contained soil, more soil, fertilizer, more fertilizer, or even worse, smellier fertilizer.
There was nothing remarkable to mention about the spacecraft from Europe. However, certain Northern European countries produced spacecrafts that appeared to be produced just for the sake of it. Polaris strongly suspected that they were using these items to defraud funds.
The entire spacecraft was incredibly clean and sleek, lacking stabilizing equipment, tail fins, connection seams, or any additional designs. When Polaris saw it for the first time, she mistook it for an egg laid by Earth.
The African spacecrafts were distinctive. If you considered them high-tech, they would definitely stuff some grass into the seams and print leaves on the outer shells to create a purely natural style. But if you said they lacked high-tech, they even managed to send a lion donned in a spacesuit to space.
Moreover, once in space, the lion was extremely active. Armed with a jetpack on its spacesuit, Polaris struggled to catch up to it with just physical movement. In the end, she had to resort to magnetism to capture it.
Of course, among all the spacecraft, the one from India was the most outrageous. Polaris stared at the Shiva statue in front of her, a mishmash of strange iron plates launched into space, and fell into deep contemplation.
She had no idea who this statue was intended to enlighten. She just knew that the rivet specifications on this thing were inconsistent. Even if it could successfully return, could they really make a second one?
While she was gaining a broader perspective, Polaris was really tired. These spacecraft smashed into each other in all kinds of ways. Polaris had no power of prophecy, and no spider-sense. She couldn't stop them before they crashed into each other. She could only clean up the debris afterward.
The collisions ranged from large countries crashing into each other, which was the most headache-inducing scenario for Polaris. The spacecraft made by big countries tended to be large and substantial.
When a spacecraft from the Cosmic Speeding Clan of America collided with an erstwhile rival's kamikaze spacecraft from Russia, it took Polaris half an hour just to find and collect the debris.
A collision between a large country and a small country's spacecraft is easier to handle, as she just had to pick up the small country's spacecraft debris. The tricky part was when the large country's spacecraft leaked. It could fly, but not smoothly, and many countries still didn't want to let go. Polaris had to figure out a way to carry them back.
A collision between two small countries' spacecrafts was also a headache. The spacecraft from small countries were peculiarly shaped, the collected debris couldn't be pieced back together, and, to make matters worse, Polaris had never heard of some of the small countries and couldn't distinguish one from another.
After laboring intensively without eating, drinking, or sleeping for three days, Polaris finally exhausted all her patience. She came to the realization that her body was her own and work was someone else's responsibility. She decided to slack off whenever she could and no need to put so much emotion into it.
So, Polaris, adhering to the principle of muddling through, no longer apportioned responsibilities. She bunched the debris together and threw them into the distance. She concatenated the main structures into even bigger bundles and threw them even further.
If she remembered, she would run to the sun once and burn them all up. If she couldn't remember, she would pile them up. After all, no one could throw a spacecraft as far as she could, so collisions were unlikely.
When countries collided with each other, Polaris would casually inform them, not bothering to describe the on-site situation. Some countries even received just a message: "Crashed, car gone, garbage disposal fee to be paid to the United Nations."
This did save her a lot of trouble. She just needed to orbit the earth once a day, bundle up all the messy stuff, and throw them over like bowling balls. Just give a glance at the logos, and send out a few messages.
But, the United Nations turned into a mess. Today, your car hit my car; tomorrow, their cars will collide, resulting in a pileup for my car…
Responsibility was unclear, and in the end, it all came down to whose fist was bigger. If the fist of a country was the same size, then it had to be decided by whose personal fist was bigger.
Whether space technology had advanced or not was not known, but the average fighting skills of diplomats was improving rapidly.
And the most terrifying thing was when everyone had roughly the same fighting skills, that's when it was time to figure out a clever strategy.
Leading the charge was the African country of Wakanda, whose national and diplomatic fists were not big enough. Black Panther, wearing his armor, was unstoppable, and ordinary people could not compete with him.
He broke out from the fight among the diplomats, rushed to the podium, grabbed the microphone, and spoke passionately about the history of exploitation of the African people. No one could snatch the microphone from him.
Once he set this precedent, all countries followed suit. Those with superheroes sent superheroes, those without superheroes sent mutants. The United Nations meeting hall was now full of battling superheroes and pugnacious diplomats and was no longer a place for ordinary people to stand.
Later they found out that fighting alone was not the answer. They needed to form alliances. Therefore, each country began to reminisce.
Hand in hand recalling the sweet yesteryears, America vowed to restore the glory of NATO. Middle Eastern countries, all wearing headscarves, united. They aimed to show the world the greatness of their cash strength.
African countries were not to be outdone. With Wakanda's cry of "Wakanda for love," they voiced the anger of the African people who had endured hardships. Germany was just showing off her Medal of Ten Thousand Words when she suddenly remembered that she had an alias, the Holy Roman Empire.
When Stark returned to the United Nations, what he saw was a United Nations assembly hall weathered by the storm, a group of oddly-dressed superheroes, and diplomats ready to fight…
What echoed in his ears were America's impassioned speeches, Russia's thunderous declarations, and the woeful elegies of Wakanda…
Meanwhile in the Andromeda Galaxy, Magneto, who was considering a Sky Island renovation with a blueprint in his hand, suddenly heard the phone ringing behind him.
He stood up, picked up the phone, and on the other end came Stark's roars:
"Magneto!! Hurry back!! Your daughter is about to start the third world war!!!"