Dear Dairy 8
The most depressing and treacherous fact of the women world is actually quite despicable, detestable, loathsome or whatever word one may choose. 'Women's biggest enemy is women herself.' How the saying goes and throughout my life I also felt this to become more and more in fact true that the horror of reality is making it hard to breath. Time and time I got rejection more from women than men and couldn't figure out at all why it was like that.
Have women gotten so habitual to the reality of their life to the point to feel the submissive way of living as normal as breathing or eating or the actual normality for them is to receive whatever come their way. Have they never thought about their position or life they are living… no passing or the place they hold in a family. It's not a hidden thing that a household can only run by desperate efforts of a women, as they look after their husband, his family and raise their kids alone, be it feeding or cleaning them or teaching them from primary to middle school, attending PTM and also looks after any additional relative of their husband's comes at home; while on the other hand the male partner act as if they have no obligation towards female partner's family or relatives. I just couldn't comprehend how come a marriage of two people become of a single's while other one moves around just as free as bachelor.
An Indian couple has more of a complication according to appearance than any other. Where women wear so much symbols of marriage as if screaming loud, at the top of their lungs to the whole universe that they are married yet the male partner won't even wear so much of a ring to show their commitment towards another human being on the position of their soul mate. Can't women see such giant of a ditch between their so called relations of a couple!? Maybe they weren't ever taught to look at the facts and rights regarding themselves. Still the mentality of not learn from the different one of their community instead dragging the weird one, in their opinion, into the swamp of blind faith and unscientific belief and their sick reality.
Looking at the facts I can't muster up the energy to even think whether reason of my sufferings are women or men, I just can't understand and it has always made me dizzy and unable to think anything further, only a dry, humourless laugh fill the gap left by wavering thoughts.
"Huh…. It's just pathetic."
Looking at how gradually and eventfully my husband came to love dearly our angle in just five months yet my mother and sister-in-law won't even threw so much of a caring glance at her made me question again of mine and their track of minds. The idea of a woman hating their next generation's girl so much is displeasing to even put me off of dinner.
The raging confusion and conflicts in mind had pushed me on the brink of going insane, the thoughts, the unconcluded arguments won't let my mind rest as the constant debates over men and women has grown me tired completely, both mentally and physically. The mind I once thought of being one tracked has now scattered all around the place that doubts of myself being right started closing my rationality as I started doubting what my opinion up until was actually real or just my mind throwing out same weird fictional idea at me. I am confused enough to pull all my hairs out of frustration surfacing on my vision.
I started thinking whether I was right in all the theories I came around on conditions of a women or just being delusional overly influenced by those TV dramas. Somewhere in my heart I knew of how right my facts are but looking at all these woman around me, be it my mother or mother-in-law, are perfectly comfortable and content in their life, never once looked doubtful at the society or the life they were just leading, pushed me in a state of complete depression and full of confliction over whether I was right or they and the thing I desperately rose question one, though only in my mind, were really the way I saw them or the actual normal and right is the reality which is suffocating me to death.