Dear Dairy 11

"Uwah….. Uwah…."

Crying of my eight month angle got me out of my mental debate as I ran to hold her in my arms to give her a safe reassuring feeling. She is a nice girl but past two days due to fever had been really hard on her as well as for me given obvious to fulfil my duty to joint family and take extra care of my sick angle. I couldn't be able to sleep even for a second these part two days yet my husband occupied another room complaining how her cries are annoying him to death and after fighting with sleep all night I got a sharp scolding from him for not properly taking care for his daughter, is he so oblivious to not being able to realise his actions or simply egoistic, I couldn't grasp it, the idea of existing such one way relationship in this give and take world where one party gives everything even their soul while the other only knows how to take, most unfair, parasitic bond given a name as sacred as marriage, said to be blessing of god only rot till dying breath in the clutches of these demons of society.

The crying of my angel doesn't stop no matter what I do which got me horrified since I had not a slightest bit idea what have gone wrong with her. The fear doubled when in the background I could hear cold scolding voice of mother-in-law, I tried desperately to solve whatever was bothering her, but the crying won't stop. All of a sudden I felt a sharp pain at the right side of my face; I looked up trembling to come across an angry face of my husband who took my angel away from me and out of the room.

Tears flown down my eyes, it wasn't the first time for a situation like this still it hurt every time and each time he muttered something being a drama queen and turned his back towards me and like this every time I am forced to realise how my tears has no value in this society.

There are some unwritten rules for women, firstly, for them to either show their faces of smile or not at all and their tears are only useful on the occasions such as funerals where women cry loudly to inform the society of their great loss but men won't cry out loud for not betraying the egoist core of their otherwise than theses occasions, tears of women are only drama nothing else, secondly, men are always right no matter what and no chance of mistake from them and even if by chance they do then it's easily forgivable but if women make even a tiny mistake, would be faced a rather harsh reaction, thirdly, women and girls are not allowed to be in a place full of men, even in their house occasion but the same boundary doesn't apply on men, forth, women are to get permission from men for everything, as a girl from father and as a lady from husband and in old age from her son, on the other hand men doesn't need to even inform where he is going or what he is doing, lastly, women should never talk back or argue or question men so sorting to violence is far off.

It is so easy and natural for a men to sort to violence with their soul mate but impossible for other way around. When did women gave men right to get away after doing whatever they like, it's not like they never had them to began with since human rights are for humans, be it men or women.

All of a sudden I started laughing hard and harder over my pitiful life and at the coward me who would rather bear the endless suffering but won't stand up for myself cause all it would result in being a divorced woman which won't do me any good in the vision of society and the future of my kids and mine would be worse given how I was jobless and my parents won't take me in for a much long period of time.