Everyone has a problem, Right?
It's someone no one has control over, other just happens. Which makes all special and unique in some way. But for me it was the total opposite.
Ever since I was a little girl, I'd witnessed so many people dying right in front of my own eyes. However, I didn't shed a single tear nor felt any other emotion.
Others noticed this and assumed it was odd for a girl to react like this to such deaths.
So I was sent to a therapist about this.
"What happens when you see someone die, what do you feel?" The therapist asked calmly.
"I feel... nothing. I just feel numb and my mind just goes blank." I replied dully.
She wrote that down on her notepad and frowned.
"I think I know what's going on." She finally said after a few seconds of silence.
My older brother, Zeke perked up.
"She is diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder." She announced.
There was an awkward silence.
" Uh, what?" I asked.
" Perhaps I wasn't specific enough." She said. "You can't feel any emotions at all and it will take time for you to feel them and that's okay."
I just nodded, not knowing what to say.
"Alright, thanks." Zeke said and we headed out of the office.
To be honest, I wished that everything was normal with me.
I didn't want to be extraordinary.
I wanted to feel emotions, to be normal, to be like everyone else.
It made looked so cold and emotionless and it showed.
Also noticed by others.
I would get laughed at, and bullied.
But I didn't care, not like I felt it.
Some people were jealous of me, saying that
I was lucky to not express myself but I would do anything to be normal.
Expressing emotions is not a weakness, its what makes us all human.
And I felt with this for the rest of my life.