33. Someone Who has Left

In the middle of the class, James couldn't focus on his job. With all the noise, students chatter, and laugh, James tried to smile with the rest of his energy. Luckily, His mind hadn't gone insane, at least some part of his mind.

"Mr. Nathaniel, can you make a poem?" 

A girl who sat at the corner of the room asked, 'Ah, a teenager.' She was probably 16 or 17, James couldn't tell. It didn't matter to him, they have some similar interests. Teenagers, that's the age when love became a primary thing. 

James held his gaze at her, while tried to reckon when the last time he made those beautiful rhyme words. It has been a long time ago, he couldn't reckon when. He moved towards her. The whole classed was silent, no word came from 20 people in the room. 

"Yeah, I've made some of them in the past," 

The girl looked so happy, with her red cheek and now turned into a wide smile. James continued walked around the class, they became very noisy after it. Some of them doubted if James could write a poem, and some of them were amazed at him.

"Can you make it right now? Just a little bit, please…" 

James surprised, he didn't think they'll need proof. He's not in the mood, maybe he still made some smile and laugh in the classroom but his mind was a different case. No one knew where James's mind was, and right now James asked to make a poem. 

He still in the traumatic phase, he could barely write a story and that turns into his nightmare. That's why he ended up teaching here, now some girl asked him with her eyes full of hope. 'What the hell? She didn't know if I couldn't write anymore. Ah, fuck it!'

James cleared his throat, confused about how to answer that question. Should he took it or not, he didn't sure. While James didn't say any word at the moment, some of the students start to gossip and started to doubt his capacity as a writer.

'C'mon James, you should maintain your pride as a writer who had written a bestseller and made a lot of movies. Maybe it'll different from writing a story, maybe I can do this one, just a short poem. No big deal right? No…I hope,'

"Okay," James finally spoke, "What kind of poem did you want?" 

"Whatever you want, just writes anything that's in your heart right now,"

It's becoming more complicated than it was, that had always been James's problem. He never knew how to express his feeling through some story and now a poem. He shook his head, "That's would take a minute. While I write it, I want everybody here also write a poem okay," They all agreed, and James had some time to think about his poem.

[To someone who has left,

Here I'm sitting at these seats

Reminiscing about your lips

The one that I miss]

[To someone who has left,

I couldn't stop my tears

cause yesterday I saw you kisses,

and that's when my heart ripped into pieces]

He wrote it on the whiteboard in front of the class. James's hand stopped, he couldn't write more than this. It's not because he couldn't but when he wrote it, Christy pop out from his head and it killed him. He's being tortured by his own handwritten, and his thought that felt so hurt for him.

James turned his face around, he looked into the whole class, they're silent no words came from so many students in the classroom. It became so awkward for James, everybody stared at him with a jaw opened. He didn't know they were amazed by his poetry or they're confused because of it.

James awkwardly smiled, they didn't know that his smile was fake. He forced his mouth to do it because he didn't want to mix his job with his personal problem. A few minutes later the bells ringing, and they still oddly quiet. James decided to dismiss the class, and he went straight away out from that class.

James finally could breathe relax, he stared at the poetry that he made. Not bad, at least that what I wanted to say right now. He finally could relax after forced a smile during the class. He held his tears while wrote it, If only you read it, things would be easy. If only you could understand my feelings right now, this would be easy. If only you didn't leave so fast, things wouldn't hurt like hell.

He lights up his cigar while walked back to his car, he didn't care if there was no smoking sign. He couldn't hold it anymore, his head felt heavy and dizzy. He massages his temples to made little relief at his head. He stood next to his car, rested his back to the door. Watched the dark skies that covered the whole world. 

He heard his phone ringing from his pocket, he had no idea who it is. Right now his mind glued at Christy and her new lover. He reached his phone and picked it up without turn his gaze from the skies, hoped there'll be a sign for him.

"James, you've done with your class?" He knew that voice, the voice that always called him so many times.

  "Yep,"

"Everything's fine right?" 

"Yep,"

Ed wondered and he knew something happened, he just knew. "Seriously! Everything fine isn't it?"

"Yep," 

James didn't listen to him, he wasn't in the mood to talked with anyone right now. He just wanted to smoke to relieve his pain, to forget everything. He wanted to forget what he saw today, he wanted to forget that somebody just kissed his beloved Ex, right in his front eyes.

'Something is wrong, definitely.' Ed knew it but he also knew that James wouldn't ever tell his problem through the phone. "Okay, don't forget to come to my place at 7. I won't forgive you if you do not come." Ed hung up, let James considering his thought alone.

James aghast, he almost forgot that he promise to came to Ed's place today. His mind was so fucked-up, he was confused about what should he do. He really would come, but right now his didn't felt good. He wanted to scream out loud just to make sure his head felt a little bit better.

He still had times to considering his mind, should he accept it or he could make bullshit to avoid this invitation. He put off his cigar and drove away from the school. He didn't know where to passed the time, should he hit the café or bar he didn't know. He didn't dare, everywhere there were Christy and his boyfriend's image. He wanted to the place where he could be himself and didn't think about anyone else.

The rain had poured down, James still stuck in his car in the middle of the city. With all the crowded around him, people ran to find a shelter because of the rain, some kids that so happy because of the rain, and there he was so sad and yet relived because of the rain. He laid his head at the window, stared the water dropped along with his tears. There were similarities between skies and him, they both cried at the same time.