Champagne or adrenaline

Once Matty has gone everything sort of goes by really quickly. We are assembled in our lineup. I can hear Kraig's band playing and they sound really good.

I'm next to Rhea in the lineup. I guess that she's like a warrior goddess. We complement each other on our outfits. We also make plans for our double date at hers next week.

"Malachi could not keep his eyes off of you" I tell her.

The other girls are walking.

"I think he was shocked. This is the sexiest I've ever looked." She says.

"You and me too" I tell her.

"I think Matty all but passed out" she tells me.

" I was watching him" she says.

"You could tell his head was like woah. That's my girl? Fuck? Really fuck?"she laughs.

I chuckle. It's nearly our time.

"Remember I'm right behind you." I tell her as she steps out into the light.

"Ready, beautiful?" Kim asks.

I smile. The adrenaline has hit me.

"Okay go, my goddess" she chuckles.

My first thought is find Matty, in amongst the crowd. But there's so many people. Everybody's face is a blur. The runway is so lit up in comparison to the audience. The music really is great it definitely makes me walk better, strut almost. The inner dancer comes out and I feel like I've got this. The lights are strong and briefly looking down at my skimpy outfit I see how it's sparkling under the light. Kim is so clever.

Now that I've relaxed, I find I can see everybody now. I see Rhea in front of me. Working it, she looks amazing. I see Matty at the end of the long never ending runway and I feel calm. He's my goal I've gotta make it to him. And not fall. Clever Matty putting himself at the finish line.

I see Ross, and my heart swells. He's watching me with an expression of love. Jay is with them too and I expect him to look smug instead he is just watching me seriously. Jen is also there and she is currently looking enviously at my body. And Brad who is admiring Rach. Good for him. Even though he's with Jen, I'm pretty sure she cheated on him with Ross. Rach has finished her walk and is posing at the end. She looks confident and happy.

Malachi is looking at Rhea adoringly. Her hair swishes as she walks. I'm so proud of my best friend, her confidence and her strength. She is such a good role model, and she's found her one. Malachi is definitely all hers. The way he watches her. Captivated.

As I get closer I almost laugh but I stop myself. This has to be pure acting, I'm a goddess right now and they do not smirk. I find it humorous how both Matty and Ross are gazing at me. It shouldn't be funny, it should tell me something. I catch Jay's eye and he winks at me. I'm never going to live this down with him around. I wink back, I am a goddess after all.

Before I know it I've reached the end and my destination which was Matty. I smile at him he knows why and he smiles back. I didn't fall. Nobody fell, we all made it. I suddenly want to do it again now. The feeling afterwards is a weird mixture of relief and excitement.

The show wraps up, I take the steps down to Matty. I hug him and he pulls me in for a kiss. He kisses me with everything that he has. "I'm so proud of you" he tells me. He lingers and doesn't want to let me go but I tell him to congratulate his sister. He untangles himself from me and promises to be right back.

I see Ross, and I walk to him. He's smiling at me, the smile he always gives me which makes me feel so valued. When I reach him for once he does not instigate the physical contact. And I hug him throwing my arms around him. I feel like I'm high. Either on champagne or on adrenaline.

"Well done babe" he whispers in my ear. He's my happy normal Ross, the one who makes feel safe and secure. I can feel his thumb grazing over my back. He briefly kisses my forehead. It's a gesture we are both used to.

"I love you" he whispers in my ear, which is cheeky and he knows it. I don't say it back because I mustn't but he doesn't seem at all phased. He holds onto me for as long as he can.

I hold him just a little bit tighter.

"You look really amazing, Tay" he says.

I let him go before I throw myself at him.

I step back just a touch, he eyes my whole outfit. Taking me in. We pause a little and just keep each other's eye contact before walking over to Jay and the others.

Jen eyes me up on approach and I can see her thinking about what she can say to dull my sparkle. I decide I'm going to ignore whatever it is that she comes up with.

"Tay, that was epic I really enjoyed doing it" Rach says smiling at me. I notice she's standing with Brad.

Brad has distanced himself from Jen. Maybe they're not together anymore.

Jen necks some of her drink and looks away.

"You look amazing" I tell Rach. I notice Pippa isn't around. They are usually always together. I look for her only to find her talking with a new guy I smile.

"Well done" Kraig comes over and hugs me. I hug him back.

"Well done yourself" I tell him.

Everybody stares at Kraig, he is part of the band after all. He hands me champagne and I smile.

"You thought anymore about singing at one of my shows" he asks.

"Yeah I'll give it a go. Actually Steven is in a band. Maybe you two should chat too" I tell him, nodding at Stiffy.

Kraig looks over genuinely interested, he lives for making friends, he's got contacts. And in music that will get him far. He hugs me again and I shrink closer to Ross. I can feel Ross' hand on my back.

"You should come and meet the band. Have you thought about your set" he tells me. He's most definitely high. As a kite.

"Just acoustic a few songs and some covers. Nothing fancy" I tell him ignoring his invitation to go with him. I wanna stay with Ross. It's not totally inconceivable that since Ross told me he loved me my feelings for him have amplified. Even the smallest part of me that wants to push him away is leaning into his touch, he inconspicuously rubs my lower back. Because of my outfit he has full access to my skin.

"When's this ?" Rach asks.

"We're coming to watch you guys" she says.

Kraig hands Steven his card. Thankfully Rach talking makes him remember there are other people here to charm and he goes into the details.

It's at a bar which often does open mics. It's got a good stage area. Its in three weeks time which gives me time to practise.

He looks back at me.

"So that's a yes?" He asks.

I nod. And he smiles.

"Practise is around 3 hours before hand. So we can stage your sets" he tells me and Stiffy.

He walks back to his band, without me. And I sigh.

"Anyone want my champagne" I say to the group.

"It makes me really pissed, really quick" I laugh.

I hand it to Rach and she drinks the last half. She downs it and I laugh.

"That is a skill." I tell her.

"Yay you're drunk, I like drunk Taylor she's fun" Rach says.

"You saying I'm not fun sober' I laugh.

Jay is at my other side. Of course he is I wondered when he would show up.

"Babe you're definitely more snarky sober" he says teasing me.

"Ignore him" Ross says. His voice is soft, I squeeze his hand in my own and then let go.

"You're definitely more of an asshole sober" I tell Jay.

Not a chance of ignoring him, I'm going to town.

He snorts and Rach laughs. Ross pulls me closer to him. He's determined to hold onto me for as long as he can. I turn around resting on Ross. One of his hands is on my hip. I face Jay. He's laughing at me.

"An asshole, that's not a new one. You're probably right" he smiles.

"What's wrong with him?" I ask Rach.

She laughs loudly.

"He's a friendly drunk" she tells me.

"Total lying bastard too, but friendly all the same, it's how he gets laid all the time" she says unapologetically.

"Hey, Rach. Don't be bitter. You look wonderful too" he says. He gives her his best smile.

"Ugh never again, away from me I can't say no to your sexiness. Let's have shots Tay" she laughs and I follow her pulling Ross with me.

"You not changing" I ask her

"Hell no and you should never take that off" she says eyeing me.

"I don't think I will either" I say.

I feel so glamorous, I move my cape train thing around me. Whatever good that does.

"This one" she says indicating Jay. Who is smirking he loves the attention.

"Will promise you the world just to get in your pants" she laughs and I smirk refusing to look at Jay. I know he will be smiling, I don't need to see it. And I don't need to think about him being anywhere near my pants.

I take my shot. Ross has one next to me. I lean against the bar. Ross eyes me warily.

"You okay?" He asks me in my ear.

"I'm great" I smile up at him.

He melts looking at me and leans against the bar next to me side on facing me. Placing his arm around my shoulders.

Where's Matty, I think idly.