Unmanly Sight

"I got it as a prize!" I screamed back...with no hesitation, and with as much fear as I could muster. My scream was that of a shriek of fear...an emotional outburst that could be described as childish.

It doesn't matter what others think though! I don't want my head to be chopped like that of a guillotine...

She stopped seething her bloodlust on me and moved backward by a single foot. "What?" She asks, not contented in the slightest. Her eyes were that of a predator looking down on her prey.

And I felt weak.

I felt like I was about to get devoured.

If I don't do something, she will kill me without even caring about our marital status. 

Attempting to resolve the situation, I muster my courage to speak up to her. "I...I got it from a game at a festival! I just got it today...please don't kill me!" I beg her, and slowly remembering what Alvana did for forgiveness, I slowly get down on my knees and give her a kowtow.

Every gulp, every sweat dripping down my body...and every other sensation of fright creeps my body, leaving me breathless and trapped.

...after what felt like an eternity, she only scoffed and looked at me with disdain. "Get up and leave...for the next time you do such things without knowing your place, will I personally amputate your arms." She commands, looking at me as if I were an ant she could easily topple in just seconds.

I can see it then...the traces of the Rosalina I met before we even became husband and wife.

Her true self is one of a strict warrior.

If I don't contain myself and know what's out of my bounds...I might end up getting swallowed whole by her.

But how could I have known? I never expected that she would get this mad over...a plush.

Right...a plush.

And yet, no one would ever know what this plush means to her...except for her.

"I understand," I stand up and slowly retract from her. Giving her a light bow, I maintain distance, not moving any closer to her, but not any further either. 

My eyes wander towards the plush, as I look at it with a frown. I never would have expected that this peculiar figure would have caused her to get that mad, but...I must do what must be done.

I will burn this.

I will throw this.

I will do whatever it takes to get this plush out of her sight at this moment...anything to appease her.

I then try to pick up the plush, but she quickly refuses. "Leave it be. I will do with it as I wish," She says, and she's not kidding in the slightest.

To give an affirmation, I nod and get out of her courtyard. I plan to leave, and perhaps, even wanted to escape this place as a whole...but I know I can't do that. I will come here tomorrow, and will always come back for days to come.

Maybe on some other day, I can talk to her about this, perhaps even know her perspective on things...but for now, I will leave this mountain, with a head that's focused on deluding myself that this day ended in another way.

So, as soon as I walk down the path, I've once again met with the pretty sunset that I've adorned from the first time I've seen it.

But, instead of looking at it through a clear lens, my vision is clouded...its mist coming from the tears flowing down my face. 

It's pathetic.

I know it is.

It is pathetic.

I'm crying.

It's an unsightly and unmanly thing to do.

Men should never cry.

They should stay strong, they should...But right now, I didn't want to care.

I could never care.

Not when I've felt many things overflowing my mind in just a day.

I've felt unjustified, I didn't deserve that.

I felt shocked, never expecting that our relationship was that cold to make her act that way...and most of all, I've felt shame.

Shame from the idea that I couldn't protect myself.

...perhaps one day, this will all change. But for now, I will walk down these steps with a mix of emotions.

And so, as soon as I reach the beam of light, I immediately come to my safe space, my room. 

It's a place I escape to when things have gotten bad...but I don't want to dwell on this too much. I won't let an NPC, who is not even real to begin with, pain me in ways such as this.

So I go to the kitchen, feeling a bit happy that I can at least alleviate my stress by cooking. For mom's sake...and my own. I plan on making an elaborate dish today...the more I can distract myself with more things, the better.

...an hour passes and my mother comes inside the house, greeting me with a smile. Unknowingly, my face also creeps into a fake smile, the same one I always practiced when I had to show that I was fine.

But my mother knows better.

Alarmed by my ingenuine smile and the dishes served on the dining table, her brows furrowed as she set her things down on a nearby chair. "Why the long face? What happened? Was your time playing the game not any good?" She asks, sitting down and looking at me calmly.

"It's nothing..." I say with a constrained look on my face, not wanting to give in any of my real thoughts...but my mother doesn't allow that.

She never does.

"Rodrick Leinart, tell me the truth," She scowls, not impressed by the way I'm hiding things. 

Sh*t...my mom must be really pissed at me for lying if she actually called me by my full name!

"I...it's just. I feel wronged," I sigh, and she immediately lets down the strict look on her face.

"Wronged? Why?" She asks, making me feel rather distraught. I'm never one who loved showing my emotions...much less telling them. But this was the way she raised me, so I might as well.

"I don't know ma...is it really right to be punished for something you've done? Even if it was originally done for a good intention?" I ask, a blush creeping into my face...and of course, my mother knew why.

Her eyebrows rise, and she looks at me with shock, "That's new coming from you, the last time I heard this was when you got into detention for a false accusation," She laughs, and I immediately get redder.

"Ma!" I shush, looking at her with shock. She can't just remind me of old memories like that! 

She only laughs and shakes her head. "Well, it's definitely not for school reasons...so I will deduce that your problem originated from a friend you were playing with, or..."

She stops talking and then smirks at me slightly. "A girl you were interested in," She chuckles, but I only frown, unamused.

"Very funny..." I sigh, as she reaches out her hands to me and pet my hair.

"Well, since you won't tell me what actually happened between the both of you...I'll just tell you to not beat yourself up for it. Most of the time, when people lash out at us and get mad at us for something we did out of good intentions...they're actually directing their anger to something or someone else," She smiles warmly. 

My eyes widen, as I look at mother with a pout.

"...please don't touch my hair like this, I'm no longer a little kid," I grimace, and she only laughs.

"I won't...on one condition," She says, looking at the dish I've served. "You have to eat all of this with me. I can't finish this all," She laughs, and immediately, I'm feeling better from these interactions.

"Yeah, yeah, I will," I smile, as I dig in the dishes I've made...and once again, our household is filled with noises of us digging in the delicious food I've created.

...and perhaps mother is right, her anger might not be directed to me and maybe it is meant for the plush.

But that doesn't excuse what happened. I will understand that she got mad, but next time...I will prioritize and defend myself. Hell be damned the penalties after death.

It'll be hard for sure, since I already have these tendencies of overcompensating for things I never should have...but I will get through this.

Step by step. 

~~~

Meanwhile, clad in the beautiful moonlight shining through her, Rosalina is resting on her bed with the plush tightly grasped in her hands. She was currently lamenting on many things, as shown in the dark and unsightly scowl on her face. 

The plush was...unscratched, in perfect condition, and perfectly clean. 

She never did anything to harm the plush, and even went as far as to keep it in her hands protectively. She held it tight, never wanting it to escape her...and yet, the dark look on her face was a definite contrast from the caring gesture she was showing right now.

"That damned man," She whispers to herself, angry at both herself and him. She didn't know why...for all her life, she would have expected herself to loathe those men for eternity, but here comes her contractual husband...whose been known to be anything else aside from destructive.

He was caring, gentle, resolute...and it scared her. Those qualities were not normal, most especially to her.

"I should give my apologies tomorrow," She tells herself, resting her head on the plush, keeping it safe in her arms. "That man offered me...a treasure that the world has ceased to remember," She says with a sentimental look on her face, gripping the plush tighter as can be.

"The others may have forgotten, but I shall not," She whispers, her voice rather heavy and silent...as her scowl turns into a frown.

"And yet, it is a curse to have these memories, especially when..." She stops herself, for mentioning whatever she had in mind will only be a taboo that will haunt her for eternity.

"All is in the past, and it matters not in the present...thus, I shall remain true to what is right," She says, looking at the window with a grieved look on her face.

"May Dorothea Ingrith forgive me for an insolent act I will do tomorrow..." She tells herself, before falling into a deep slumber...