Undermining Effort

...so, after I bid Rosalina goodbye, I spent some very long minutes explaining what happened to Alvana. I mean, obviously, I cut off some things from her purposively, but even without those facts, it still took some time for her to understand everything.

And when she finally did, she didn't want to forgive me...saying that I was a bad disciple for deserting her.

Anyway, in the end, I came to a consensus with her by doing what she wanted. I went sparring...and sparring...and sparring...

Until I spent my whole day, in-game, sparring with her until she was satisfied. She refused to forgive or teach me how to fight unless I did exactly that...She wouldn't budge on it and was relentless in having her conditions met.

So I did just that...I trained and battled with her.

Not for just a day, but for a whole week!

I spent my whole time playing the game with just practicing!

I spent my whole time resting in the real world, and then back to hell in the game!

It's really hell!

It was tiring and gruesome. I nearly passed out plenty of times...I can vividly remember the sensation of asphyxiation from when I sparred with her after the day I was absent. The trickling feeling of all air leaving my body after she hit me in the chest sent me into an abyss of helplessness.

It was numbing, and it hurt a lot...and yes, although she healed me back up after she hit me, that fear I felt was never erased from my mind.

So now...now that I'm on the 8th day, I finally see her grin! A reaction of satisfaction! That means I can leave now!

She thrusts her spear into my shoulder, intentionally using aura to pierce it harder. I only wince in pain...but I feel that the pain is less piercing than it used to be. "Woah, how impressive, you've learned a handy skill," Alvana smirks, withdrawing her spear. I only pout with annoyance, looking at her with frustration. "You didn't have to beat me up for days just for me to get a skill," I sigh, as I rest on a nearby wall, drinking water.

"Oh? But it's better to do it that way," Alvana reassures, tossing me a piece of bread that she got from thin air! Amazing...but the thing is, I didn't need the bread since I always feel satiated in this game.

...at least that's what I thought at first. When I ate the bread, I felt invigorated and better just from a bite.

"Woah, this is amazing...what kind of bread is this?" I compliment, my eyes glowing as I gobble the bread like a pig. Alvana only smirks, kneeling down to get on my level. "What else could it be?" She says, stopping for a while and then coughing. "If not bread?" She jokes.

...what an awful joke.

"Haha... hilarious master..." I say blandly and continue eating my bread. She only clicks her tongue and stands up. "So then, what do you plan on doing now that you're free? You're quite good at spearmanship already...and even got a minor aura resistance spell." She asks, munching on her piece of bread.

Pondering momentarily, I never really thought about what would happen afterward. Sure, it's cool that I'm good at using my spear already, and that I even got a minor spell that can resist auras...

But I don't know how to verify it. I've never fought anyone else aside from Alvana for a while.

"Maybe I'll start fighting boars now?" I answer, but she only chokes on her bread...hitting me on the head with the bread?! And it hurts badly!

"Ow!" I grimace, closing my eyes. "You idiot?! Boars? Why are you killing boars when you're already strong enough to fight a beginner dungeon?!" She says, coming closer and pinching my ear.

"Beginner dungeon? Like Cateline's Trial?" I ask, and she only scowls.

"Why would you call that a beginner dungeon? That's something like child's play!" Alvana answers, squatting and looking at me directly in the eyes.

"If you have to go somewhere to test your skills, go to Wraith's Bequeath," She says calmly, and this time, I'm the one to choke on my food. A mid-ranked dungeon?! A dungeon like that is only beginner-level for these people?!

"Wraith's Bequeath...you think I can clear that?" I murmur, looking at the tiles with a soft expression. I don't think too well of myself...nor do I believe that I'm as strong as others tell me to be. Maybe they're just overestimating my strength.

Alvana notices my expression and only scoffs, crossing her arms. "I don't know what journey you've had in the past disciple Rodrick...but I will not tolerate this self-degradation," She answers with spite.

"So then, the first task I'm giving to you is...to clear the Wraith's Bequeath today,"

"...what?" I ask, looking at Alvana tentatively...she can't seriously be asking me to clear it right now. Isn't she overestimating my capabilities? These are ghost-like creatures...not any normal creature you can fight using physical means.

 And what do I have? A spear! A spear that I can't imbue with magic or aura!

"Today? Master, I can't even comprehend aura or mana! Sending me there right now will only be a death wish!" I complain, my whole body freezing over the thought of actually fighting there. For one, I hate ghosts...and on the other side, I know I'm not ready.

I'm not ready. I'm not ready. I'm not ready.

"Stop being such a coward and just go there," She answers back, not withdrawing her intimidation. "You will never get stronger if you don't clear a dungeon to test your capabilities," She chuckles, sitting down in a carefree manner while she's staring intently.

But still, that doesn't change the fact that I'm not ready. I'm really not.

"After all, that dungeon is nothing more than a passage ritual for the Lianths. If you can't even prove your strength there...then you amount to nothing." She says coldly, waiting for me to say the word. 

But...I'm not read-

"Are you spacing out?!" She shouts at me and shakes my body. "Get a grip on yourself, disciple Rodrick!" She screams vigorously, pulling me out of a trance. "This is no way a disciple should act!" 

Her words were encouraging, in a skewed sort of way...but what if my efforts are too futile? That I'll never actually do anything good with it? That everything I've done until now will amount to nothing?

"I..." I try to say something, something that would work out in my favor. I so badly want to feel safe...to not do things out of my comfort zone. Just as I always have...

"I'll clear the dungeon," I end up saying, and her eyes immediately light up...and obviously, as for mine? Not as much.

It's devastating. It's...scary to willingly put myself in situations that I know are dangerous. When I get through these situations unwillingly...there's this sense of mystery that I can use when things don't go my way. There's a valid excuse for failure.

But for something that I have a choice in...it's something I'm tentative about.

"What if the reason for my failures was because I never wanted to face such situations in the first place?" I told myself, as more as an excuse. Especially when I'm forced to be in unlucky situations...the incidents at the guild hall and the Pasture of Mire were examples of such situations...that luckily turned out for the better.

But now that I'm daring to clear a dungeon that I know is extremely strong...

...it's scary.

A new experience...but Alvana is right. I'll amount to nothing if I can't even escape from my fears. "There you go, that's the disciple I know," She smirks, looking at me with high regard. "I'll be waiting the whole day for you to deliver your news," She says.

And I'm smiling. Out of fear...and out of a little bit of excitement.

...so then, fast forward to hours later, I arrive at some creepy forest that sounded dreadful. As soon as I stepped forward into the forest, I could see how devoid it was of life. All the colors I could see were dull...not having an ounce of liveliness to them.

The worst part about this had to be the eerie sounds from all around...it was filled with screeches and shrieks, and anything remotely high or low-pitched had the same effect on me: fear.

I could tell from the scenery itself...especially with the crooked trees...that this journey inside Wraith's Bequeath would be a nightmare. And a literal one at that!

But even if I'm terrified, I want to prove something to myself...to others, and generally, just to everyone who knows me.

"What happened to the young Rodrick who was stellar at everything? The extroverted kid who loved befriending others and helping them? The one who used to be so bright...so full of energy?" I remember hearing throughout my time in middle school...from all the people around me. Even my mother...especially my mother.

As for the answer to those questions...

I don't know where he's gone, but I'm trying to get him back.

So my search starts from this creepy forest.

God forbid I see ghosts after I'm done playing this game...