Chapter 1:

The artificial blowing breeze, blown by the heavy traffic, loud and harsh sounds created by friction between people and ground as they hurried to reach their temporary destination. The regular wind, sun not making the climate too sweaty, made her feel "maybe it was a normal day ". She stood there at the lights. To make through the zebra crossing. One step ahead, she placed her foot, running down her body, she suddenly felt her neuros weren't responding. As though she was nailed to the road. Stuck and frozen, yet her eyes never stopped flowing, it was what she saw. Right in front, she saw the car getting straight through the stroller. Deep down she regretted being a patient for the first time in ten years.

"These accident scene's never leave my sight, this isn't the first time, I was close at the breath of a grass, yet couldn't reach out. I was five, when I got know about my problem. Yes, I am affected, by what? Neither do I know, nor the doctors. But my condition is quite rare. Pills, injections nothing worked. All I could was to live on. At first my parents were afraid; down the way they gave deep thinking to every word that they spoke. The only way I could fix it was by pretending everything was fine, only after that I was able to see smiles around me. I have always felt this, smiling was not the only way to smile. Seeing people around you do it was something more.

[aside]: we are getting late for classes,

Even though we all are ready to accept different people, we fear, problems, weird things creeping into our life too. The class was filled with students, someone making fun, the other laughing, the one catching up, the other one forcing a laugh, yet called a gang. She sat down for class, painting herself different, to make people feel her, normal and let into their lives.

It is English class, my favorite one, where we could share our taught without and expectations to learn. I wonder how every topic of him catches my interest.

[Aside]: which gender discriminating practice do you hate the most?

I want to answer this question, it really feels like a bliss when you get to answer in class, or maybe when you know the answer, not every student gets this feel. It feels like you want to push aside the entire world to scream out the answer. As though it was the only question of my life. I wished I could answer, that's when I found myself taken back. Standing out alone, in the cold and dark place, my head is burning hot, I feel like my entire world is running around, shaking, sweating and breathing so hard, 5that I could hear the sound of my breath, grabbing through my mouth. I couldn't do or move, I felt like ending everything at this very point. The room had no exit, I was stuck, helpless.

[aside]: "let's go for a break, are you alright? You have been sitting up straight, frozen since the mid-English class."

Ah, nothing I'm alright, lets go

Sip of water, was my only relieving companion after every attack I had. At times I felt that too, was different each time. I can't tell anyone, I have attacks every time I make a wish, to find myself locked up in a dark, cold place. People would think I'm fooling around or they would sympathize by sending me to an asylum. Every time my hopes dwindled. The taught to find to find out what I was affected by kept me moving on.

We all have troubles, dealing with issues we forget to deal with ourselves. Holding the conflict in mind not even knowing the opponent, she went on with her life. She pressed on thrice, to the end of the bell ring, none approached. She pushed through the door, following the blow of whistle she headed towards the cooking space.

Where is he? Oh mo, what's this he has cooked adobo, ah ah, inhaling bliss, smells to sway off all pain. Jops where are you?

Lights off, through the dark room, making sure not to slip, he held the cake and moved towards her.

Teared up eyes, each rolling down her cheek, as though they were timed one after the other.

His bright smile, hoping to surprise me made my dull day lit. people carrying a huge smile, while wishing it on your face too, is the best birthday gift anyone could receive. Happy Birthday, he screamt on the highest notes, maybe his voice was to bold to sing. Yet he made it sweet for me.

Come on my love give me a hug, but let's cut the cake first, come, he held on to her hand and made her sit at the low table. 'Make a wish.'

It struck her, wish, I do not want to lose this moment with him, I just need to make sure not to make any wishes.

Dumbfound, she was there again in the lonely, scary place.

[later]: babe, are you okay, do you need some water?

Getting herself back, she knew she failed once again. I'm fine, she said with a deep guilt. I was never able to be truthful to you. I don't dare to tell you about the real me, more than the fear of you leaving, the guilt I would face was what I was running away from. Each time I came back, not knowing what we shared at the moment. I felt breathless, and as though I was cheating on you. Dieng deep down, all I could do was hug you. Sorry, maybe someday someday was all I could say to convince myself.

8:00.p.m

Surprise, oh my lovely daughter is turning 16, oh you look so pretty in this dress. Oh, honey move aside, let me look at my daughter. Oh god my baby your beauty makes this dress shine. 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY, we love you!!! Let's dine, you'll be surprised, see what I have prepared.

The dinner was filled and happy. As everyone sat down stomach filled with laughter. There's always a knife that cuts the warm vibe.

The vibe killer aunt spoke up, wish you were completely healed. May god bless you, do you still have that psychological problem, something, what was it you freeze, still, are you alright now?

She felt like she was choked, wantedly reminded of her pain. Why do people console us by hurting? Maybe it was a way of satisfying themselves.

Babe, she heard that bold and comforting voice, which felt out of order. As she turned around there, he stood with a bouquet of flowers dropping down in distress.

He came up to her and said, 'can we talk for a minute, please?' the chilling breeze made her feel the maximum stress, she shivered in cold. He stood there, his eyes all teared up, threw his self around her, 'are you alright?'. I feel so bad that haven't take a close look at you. I'm sorry babe. Leave yourself to me. Ill take care of you. He took her hand, placing his on hers', pushing each of his finger through the space between her and said." Don't keep it to yourself, we'll get through this together. And now I'm upset, how could you keep it to yourself?"

She couldn't say, because she knew the only way to convince him was, she hugged him tightly and said, I'm sorry. I always taught I will hurt you, but I wouldn't here after.

More than the wounds the secrets we hold back can hurt our loved ones more.

5 years later:

Years have passed by, nothing as changed in my life. I have visited many places, consulted 22 psychologists, nothing as changed. Here I am holding my 23rd psychologists' card, but something feels good. My hopes are getting high all of a sudden, maybe this number. Yes, I might sound silly, but we all have a connect to certain weird things, which boost our hope for no reason. Ever since my childhood, I felt something good at 23, it was my first roll call number, no was it my birthday which made it special, or maybe because I was the 23rd and last person for the limited edition of merch. Oh, I don't find any exact reason for the connect. I shouldn't get my hopes high. Let's go for it.

As she took the bus, she desperately started looking through, to find an empty seat, she stepped forward. She spotted a high schoolers' skirt stained. She took off her jacket, tied around the scholars' waist, giving her a warm hug, do you need any help?

We all stay struck and dumbfound at times when people need help. It doesn't mean we are out of character nor a faulty one, its normal as humans to have an amygdala hijack. But its you who acts after the hijack, whether to lend out your hand, or stay back to remain awful.

It feels really happy and blessed to help a stranger. She took a deep breath of balance, pushing open the door.

'Welcome, mam you're on 23 spot, kindly wait.'

Ah, I feel like being stalked by 23, all day long, what's happening?

'Your next'

Good afternoon, doctor. Let's start...…. That's all about me, what am I supposed to do, where are the questionnaire? She said holding a pen.

Psychologist replied, ah well you are quiet used to it, may I ask what's my number on your list?

She turned around and with an embarrassed smile, 23.

Well, I'm not into that, don't worry from all you have said, I just need you to work on two questions, 'how did you help a stranger? How did you retain your loved ones? What did you do? The common answer to both is what you need to find out.

Oh, that's hard, thanks doctor. See you next time.

We wouldn't meet if you find the answer.

She was confused and walked out, what did he mean? Will an answer solve all my 16 years struggle?

Thinking through the question she walked down the lane. How can these two have the same answer? Stressing on it she felt uncomfortable, head hurt. Ah, I don't want to make myself stressed, what if it leads to an additional outbreak. Let me think about it later.

We all take a diversion, or stop right at one step away from our destination. The last shot is always the most painful. A week passed by.

Wait, I'm going to catch. Stop right there babe, why did you eat my share. Dashing straight into the edge of the tea table she tripped and fell with a bash. Slowly lending out his hand he bursted out in laughter.

Ah, you are so, she looked up, giving a sharp stare and there was stuck at the image of the helping hand. Her memories flashed, she was there back in bus helping out the girl, then there she was hugging and holding him closer, the pretty summer family trip, it all banged up. She fell and finally broke her puzzled life, "I finally found it in all these memories I hold, I acted without a back hold, or frozen taughts. It was all I did myself unaware and unafraid of paranoid obstacles.

MENTALLY FIT CONFERENCE OF PUBLIC: YEAR 2021

A small, satisfied with a lot of friction can set a huge flame, and that was my life. I struggled, not able to find out what it was, until I found the root. My childhood, when I started suppressing my small wishes, just not to upset others or not to be left out. When life deprived me from the right to make a wish, creating a hollow, hallucinated space in my mind. Which automatically stopped me from making wishes. I could express this in 2 minutes, but I fought with it for 16 years. So, all I realized was don't walk on others path, just do what you feel like, with out hurting anyone. Don't suppress. Thanks to my helping me BREAK MY WISH.

- Mimteen7