Thoughts Keeping Me Up at Night

That night I was lying in bed thinking about Han's advice. He was right in more ways than he knew. I did need friends and not just for the reasons he thought.

My toxic envious mindset held me back my entire life. Always obsessing over who was better than me not ever realizing what I had. While I was always second best, I was second best at virtually everything.

My sweet brother Alex who was always more athletic and attractive than me, but never held either over me. He struggled to pass almost every class. He was always nice to me, and I never once helped him.

My "bitter" enemy Suzie Crabgrass who always showed me up academically. She was relentlessly bullied for her appearance. The only thing she had in life was academics, so it would make sense why she was so happy to always beat me.

My so-called love rival Victoria and my so-called love Amelia, they did not even know I existed. Also, after the wool was pulled from my eyes, I realized one important fact. I did not know them either. I just had this image in my head of them that I stuck it on to them. I saw Victoria as this shallow and popular girl. When in reality, she could not have been nicer to everyone around. I saw Amelia as this angel on earth, floating above it. Amelia was a teenage girl with all the follies that come with it. I loved an ideal, not a person.

My powers helped to get my mind away from that toxic mindset and once away I could recognize the patterns that led me to those dark places.

However, I had exchanged one bad mindset for another. While I no longer obsessing over being second best, I had become an island. I grew even more distant from my family and those who I was acquaintances with. The only person I consider even close to something like a friend was Layla and I have been staying unattached.

When she invited me to eat lunch with her and her friends, I rejected. After a while she stopped asking. I got so paranoid and untrusting I kept my only friend at arm's length.

My isolation fed into itself, and I've been growing more and more distant from those who care. Han was right I need friends. I needed people to keep me grounded and connected to the world.

So, the next day saw me talking to my only friend at my internship.

"Hey, Layla." (John)

"Hey, stranger. Where've you been?" (Layla)

"Around. I've been contemplating the tides a lot." (John)

"What?" (Layla)

"Just an expression." (John)

"Okay then. What have you been contemplating about?" (Layla)

"Where I've been. Where I am. Where I'm going." (John)

"Sounds busy. Any conclusions arrived at?" (Layla)

"A lot." (John)

"Any regarding me?" (Layla)

"A few. One of the major ones, is your lunch offer still valid?" (John)

"Looks like you got your head out of it." (Layla)

"Looks like." (John)

"The offer is still valid." (Layla)

"Great, see you tomorrow at lunch." (John)

"See you then." (Layla)

After my internship I took a trip to the place Han recommended to solve my other problem, Hobb's Gym. One of Olympus's legit businesses, Hobb's Gym is the place to go if you want to learn how to fight in Brockton Bay. As long as you aren't afraid to walk through the industrial district, it's the best gym in the city. While a little hesitant as me going there will let Olympus keep an eye on me, this can be a good thing. There are worst things in life than being watched over by moral, while not in a traditional sense, and powerful individuals.

It was an easy place to sign up for classes, affordable too. So, I could cover it with my allowance and paid internship. It also seemed like a close-knit community, which is what I was looking for. Hopefully I could gain more of the friends I so desperately needed.