CHAPTER 41 - WHERE I BELONG

"Give me some break, will you?"

I asked Lorraine as I pushed aside another pair of sandals that my lovely assistant had chosen for me. It was bright blue and to top it off, there were too many rhinestones that a normal, sane person would at least think about three times before purchasing. I wonder what possessed her to pick such an outrageous pair, as it seemed to contradict her usual taste. Nevertheless, I couldn't help but chuckle at the thought of actually wearing them and the attention they would undoubtedly attract.

"Come on, the premier is tomorrow. You have to dress up well."

I rolled my eyes, already feeling the onset of a headache. These past four months have been nothing short of chaotic. After returning from an unforgettable trip to Thailand, my mind was consumed with one mission: find Eugene. However, it seemed as though he had vanished off the face of the earth. I attempted reaching out to the production team he had supposedly joined in Taiwan; however, I learned that Eugene had unexpectedly bailed on the job at the eleventh hour. His coworkers were as clueless as I was, unaware of his whereabouts or any information about his family. As a last-ditch effort, I turned to his social media, only to discover that he had pulled a vanishing act there as well—his accounts had been deactivated. Talk about being overly dramatic.

When I finally managed to obtain his sister's contact information, I eagerly reached out to her, hoping to get some answers. But to my dismay, she informed me that he had gone for a long vacation, leaving her completely unaware of his whereabouts. It felt like he was deliberately avoiding me, and despite my relentless efforts to find him over the course of a month, I eventually had to surrender. However, deep down, I knew that he would keep his promise to be there for me when I needed him. Perhaps this is his way of testing our connection, and I am wholeheartedly ready for the challenge. Even though four months have passed, my love for him remains as strong as ever. The ache of missing him engulfs me, mingling with the anger I feel towards his sudden disappearance. Nonetheless, I cannot deny my gratitude towards him, because if he hadn't pulled this vanishing act, I wouldn't have come to comprehend the depth of my love for him and the vital role he plays in my life. He has unlocked a part of me I never knew existed. Regardless of how long he makes me wait, I am prepared to endure the uncertainty. Because, without a shred of doubt, Eugene is my one true love.

"Did the publisher call?"

I asked, trying to change the topic, before Lorraine forcefully put me on something ostentatious. Tomorrow was the first day of our movie premiere, and the anticipation was palpable. The glitz and glamour of the red carpet awaited, and every single person of importance would be there, including my family. Just the thought of their support made my heart swell with gratitude. I couldn't help but hope, even if it seemed far-fetched, that Eugene would make an appearance. But deep down, I knew better. He had missed the last party, after all. Yet, against all odds, a tiny flicker of optimism lingered in my mind.

My mind wandered back to my recent conversation with Eugene's sister. Sadly, she confirmed that there had been no word from him and they were getting concerned. Wasn't he taking it a little overboard? Anyway, all this had brought his sister and me closer than ever before. After spending time with her and getting to know her better, I couldn't help but notice the striking similarities between her and Eugene. She was like a female version of him, and his nephew was adorable. I think he loves his uncle just as much as I love his uncle.

"Shit, I forgot. They are done with the printing, but I should confirm the publishing date. So, did you decide?"

I clicked the pen on the table twice, pondering over it.

"What about two weeks from now? The promotion team is already half way through."

With a decisive nod, Lorraine shifted her attention to her iPad, undoubtedly preparing to fire off an email to my agent.

On arrival, my initial plan to go incognito had been unceremoniously ditched. Instead, I dove headfirst into my latest book. There was no need for extensive brainstorming or intricate plot twists, because this was my story and my confession. If Eugene wasn't planning to meet me in person anytime soon, then I was determined to let him know how much he means to me. It was a departure from my usual genres, leaving my agent skeptical, but I stood firm, ready to face the risks that lay ahead. To me, this was a gamble worth taking, and I was all in.

"So, blue or purple?"

Lorraine raised her eyebrow while keeping the iPad back on the table, and I sighed. This was pure torture.

.........

"Can I really meet Kim?"

April asked for the thousandth time, and I couldn't help but give her that look. My sister's persistent curiosity never ceased to amaze me, but right now, it was starting to annoy me. Half an hour before, me and my dad walked through the red carpet hand in hand, while the rest of my family took a more direct route and took their seats inside. The swarm of reporters eagerly awaited our arrival, their persistent questions bombarding me like an unrelenting storm. I valiantly attempted to answer each inquiry, but the blinding flashlights proved to be overwhelming. No matter how many times I have trod upon this treacherous terrain, the sensation of my skull splitting under the pressure never seems to wane.

As the show was about to commence, I eagerly anticipated my name appearing on the assistant director's list. However, to my utmost surprise, it was nestled comfortably beside Nathaniel's. The title said directors. Amidst the resounding cheers of my family in the background, I found myself frozen in sheer disbelief. I think Carla even patted my shoulder from the back seat, but my eyes remained transfixed on the screen. Nathaniel, that old geezer. I shot him a menacing glare from the corner of my eye, but he refused to meet my gaze. And I am glad he didn't. Because if he did, he would have seen my teary eyes. I bit my lips, afraid I would either sob or laugh, or worse, a mix.

Once the movie began, I found myself completely captivated. I must admit, a surge of pride washed over me, a feeling that soared through every fiber of my being. The crowd surrounding me mirrored my emotions as they erupted with laughter, gasps, and even moments of pure awe. There was an undeniable energy in the air, a dynamic atmosphere that effortlessly swept us all off our feet. From tears streaming down their faces to the occasional jump of fear, the audience experienced a rollercoaster of emotions that left them breathless. And to my astonishment, a part of it was happening because of me, because of what I had created. It exceeded all my expectations, surpassing even my wildest dreams.

When the final credits rolled across the screen, the crowd roared to their feet, thunderous applause piercing through the theater walls. Their cheers were deafening, and I couldn't believe what I was witnessing. It was as if my vision had materialized into reality, touching the hearts of those who had believed in me. The moment the lights flickered on, I found myself enveloped in a sea of compliments, each one striking me with its genuine sincerity. But it was my mother's tight embrace that truly melted my heart. The tears that shimmered in her eyes were mirrored in my own. I turned to Nathaniel, who lovingly ruffled my hair, and I could only manage to utter two simple words: thank you.

"You have done it yourselves, kid. I hope we can work together again."

With an enthusiastic grin, I bobbed my head up and down in agreement as our parade of congratulations marched on. Carla scooped me up into an enormous hug and the warmth of her embrace enveloped me. She gushed about how this very movie was undeniably going to be her career's glorious turning point. With a twinkle in her eye, she proudly introduced me to her dashing boyfriend and flaunted her sparkling engagement ring. We both squealed like teenage girls, our joy reverberating through the room.

The movie had just come to an end, but my heart was still racing with anticipation. While everyone around me started gathering their belongings and chattering about the film, I discreetly excused myself and reached into my pocket, grabbing my smartphone. I waited for just the right moment, my finger hovering over the camera button. And there it was—the names of the production team appeared on the screen. Without wasting a second, I swiftly snapped a picture, capturing that fleeting moment forever. It was an impulsive act, but it felt necessary.

Throughout the day, my eyes never stopped searching for the familiar figure. I knew he wasn't physically present, but there was an undeniable presence hovering in the air, as if he were silently watching from the shadows. Now and then, I would catch a glimpse of someone who resembled him, and my heart would skip a beat. The mere thought of him being here sent shivers down my spine. I missed him. I missed him a lot.

.........

"I am sorry for even doubting you."

I turned to my publisher, a woman with an infectious smile and a glimmer of guilt in her eye. We stood together at the bustling book signing event, surrounded by a wall of devoted fans. Even our security team seemed concerned by the sheer size of the crowd that had gathered to celebrate the release of my latest book, 'Better Not Be Love'.

It was a dream come true to see my book skyrocket to bestseller status within a week of its launch. The rave reviews poured in, filling me with a sense of humble pride. If the sales continued at this current pace, this would undoubtedly become my bestseller yet. The publicity frenzy was partially fueled by the success of the movie I co-directed with Nathaniel. Offers from various corners of the entertainment industry had come pouring in. However, I knew I needed to stay grounded before deciding what path to take next. After all, the achievement was mostly because of my mentor's help, and I wasn't yet confident in myself.

There was still no word from Eugene, except for a single Dahlia flower delivered to me on the day of my publication. No name, no address, nothing. But somehow, I knew where it came from. I touched the pendant I had custom-made from the dahlia and sighed before settling on my chair. The line was very long, but I was ready—more than ever.

The book event lasted for seven hours, which was the longest I have ever done. By the end of it, my poor hands were ready to wave the white flag of surrender, protesting against the pain that threatened to consume me, and my stomach growled louder than a lion on the prowl.

"Finally! I will go settle the security. You take a breath and get ready to leave. We are going to sleep for the next two days."

Lorraine's voice, filled with the warmth and familiarity of a mother-hen, echoed through the hall. With a sleepy yet appreciative smile, I nodded and propped my head on the table, giving in to the fatigue that had drained me.

Time seemed to slip away as exhaustion took hold until a sudden movement sent me springing up in alarm. Rubbing my hand, I glanced at the table, only to find a book placed right before me, as if it had appeared out of thin air. There was a figure standing in front of me, but I was too disoriented to acknowledge them.

"The event is over."

I muttered, not bothering to look up. I was too tired to be polite, my eyelids heavy with exhaustion. However, the person still didn't leave. With a heavy sigh escaping my lips, I glanced at my watch, its hands ticking away the seconds. It was one in the night, and they were still here. Despite my weariness, I knew I owed them at least this much. Summoning the last ounce of energy I had, I reached for my pen and opened the fresh copy, the pages crisp and untouched.

"Your name?"

Silence and then, "Tanawat."

In the blink of an eye, the world came crashing down. All it took was a single letter, a mere "T," and suddenly the air around me became suffocating. I could no longer draw breath, and in an instant, my head snapped up so violently that it felt as if it could break. The pain was inconsequential compared to what I saw before me. There he stood, radiating an aura of undeniable joy and a smile so captivating that it could light up the darkest corners of my soul. Utterly stunned, words failed me, and my entire being momentarily shut down. Time seemed to freeze as we locked eyes, both of us caught in a mesmerizing trance. Finally, a nervous smile tugged at the corners of his lips, and in that moment, everything felt right in my life.

"Say something."

Eugene's gentle tone, barely louder than a whisper, pierced through the heavy silence and sent shivers down my spine. My already weakened state was further subdued by the sheer power his words held over me. It was as if, for the first time in ages, I could finally fill my lungs with the sweet breath of liberation.

"I hate your beard."

The voice emanating from my own lips felt eerily unfamiliar. It was small and fragile. Eugene mustered a bittersweet smile and a single tear broke free from the corner of his eye, betraying the hidden depths of his emotion.

"That can be arranged."

Without hesitation, he glided towards my seat, his posture reverent as he kneeled beside me. Fingers, gentle as a summer breeze, brushed a stray strand of hair away from my face, the act imbued with a tenderness that felt both nostalgic and loving. My heart skipped a beat, and my eyes were frozen in a gaze on him. I could say nothing, only watch with a mixture of awe and vulnerability. Then, in a voice that bore the weight of longing and reunification, Eugene murmured three simple words that shattered the fragile shield around me: "I missed you."

As if a dam had burst within me, I crumbled beneath the weight of my own emotions, my arms instinctively embracing him with a desperate fervor. And just like that, Eugene reciprocated, his arms enveloping me with a warmth that spoke volumes about how much he suffered.

"I missed you too. Don't you dare leave me again."

The mere thought of losing him again sent shivers down my spine, and I was almost hysterical.

"Don't plan to. You are stuck with me."

Eugene's response, filled with unyielding determination, reassured me that he had no intention of abandoning me ever again. I embraced him tightly, taking in his smell. It was in his arms that I found solace, a place where I truly belonged.

..............