Chinese History

"I never thought I'd be writing to you instead of talking to you in person but these things happen I guess. I don't even know where I'd start from cause I never thought things would turn out the way they did and I'm actually really sad and broken that I'm losing you. I want you to know that you'll always matter to me even though I won't get to see you as much as I used to, and I wont get to kiss your lips anymore. I still read all of our old texts just so I can find where things started to go south with us. I hope this letter meets you well"

I sat down in the dimly lit basement of my 2 bedroom apartment on the table and chair I spent a few days crafting back then when I still had a passion for woodworks, now I can barely handle a hammer and nail with smashing my fingers.

I checked my watch and it was around 6:30pm and I couldn't think of anything else to say in the letter so I got up and prepared to leave the basement. Before I made my way to the staircase I glanced around to look at the letter that was on the table waiting to be finished and sent to the receiver.

"If only it didn't have to end, I wouldn't need to be writing a stupid letter to you" I said underneath my breath but loud enough to be heard at the end of the small room before I went upstairs and locked the door behind me.

I thought I'd spend the rest of the evening watching television but I could only think about how Chloe decided it would be best to end things when I thought everything was finally getting on the right track.

Before...

Chloe and I met at our first year at college. We both got in through the scholarship program and it was really fun not having to pay for most of anything and to top it all up we were both majors in history. I didn't really notice her up until like a few weeks to our exams at the end of the first year.

I had my first papers in a week and I needed to catch up on a few topics before exam day and the only thing standing between me and absolute readiness was the history of China or Chinese history rather, as you can see I'm not ready. And as to how I even passed the exam is still a mystery to me.

It was a Friday night so I got to the library at 7:45pm and immediately began my search for a textbook on Chinese history. After combing through the shelves for about 15minutes trying to find anything that could shed some light on the who the Chinese were and where they came from I found her sitting on the hard wood floor crossed legged with a cup of coffee by her side, reading glasses stuck to her face and her eyes fixed on the book in front of her. She had on a black t-shirt and blue Jean shorts and a white nike sneaker.

She had her blonde hair tied up to a bun obviously so it wouldn't disturb her while she studied. A pen on her right hand and a note on the floor to her right side to take down little details she might have come across.

I don't know exactly how long I was staring at her and taking every little detail of her into memory but with each moment I stared at her I noticed something new. She had a tattoo on her right hand that wrote out the word "hope". I wonder what prompted her to inscribe that on her hand.

While I was still too busy looking at her she noticed my presence and snapped me back to reality with one of the books by her side. She legit threw a book at me

"Ouch, what the heck" I cried out with one hand plastered to my forehead where the book had hit me.

"Welcome back to reality sir stares-a-lot" she said "Next time you'd think twice before you decide to stare at someone trying to read" This time with a little snap in her tone

"Is throwing a book at someone the best option" I said still massaging my head

"You're lucky, keep staring at me and the next thing I'll throw at you is my cup of coffee" she added reaching for her cup of coffee which I now notice has a bit of steam coming out from it

I raise my hand in defeat as I point to the stack of books that was sitting beside her which at closer observation are the books I've been looking for. "Are you still using those?" I asked trying not to make eye contact before I get scarred by coffee.

She looks to her side and then back at me

"As you can tell by now after watching me like I was a street performer, I'm trying to study with them so you can have it when I'm done" she said as she turned her attention back at the book in front of her

"Well I need those books to study for my exams so I'd appreciate it if you let me have it" I responded to her as I attempted to stand up

"Well I'd also appreciate if a stranger doesn't come from nowhere and stare at me but we don't always get what we want"

"You're in the history department as well?" I asked now that the pain has subdued and I can now think properly

"Yeah I am and judging by your question I'd assume you're there too" she added with a touch of disappointment in her voice

"Yeah, you sound disappointed" I said to her with half a smile

"I really don't care where you are but just leave me alone so I can study" she looked up at me and took a deep breath "Just take what you want and go" she added

"Uhn thank you" I grabbed two out of the five books on the stack and turned to walk away. "For what it's worth though I'm sorry for staring". She didn't respond to my apology but I believe she heard it. After apologizing I walked away. That moment ended up being the beginning of a beautiful life with her.

I got home from the library at about 10:00pm that day feeling like my eyes were about to pop out of my head cause of how long I stared at the lines on each page trying to assimilate as much information as I possibly can even though I still had a week to go before I started the exams.

I live outside of the college campus so I actually have the freedom to go about and not have to be worried that I'm breaking a certain rule or law within school grounds. The walls on my little apartment are painted dark grey (my personal favourite colour), I would have gone with black though but then I'd have to explain to everyone who came over that I wasn't a serial killer.

On the edge of the room was my unmade bed with books scattered on top, a wooden reading table and chair that recently spray painted brown with more books on it. The place came with it's own little kitchen and bathroom so thankfully I don't have to go outside to use the public bathroom.

I hopped in the shower to wash away the stress of today. It was cool and calming and I honestly didn't feel like stepping out. As soon as the cold water hit my skin I felt at peace for a little while. The memories of my past started coming in, the time when things were good with my parents back at home. Those were the good days.

I got out of the bathroom slipped into a t-shirt and shorts, picked up the books from my bed and stacked them by the side of my reading table. I thought I'd rest up a bit before I went back to my table to go through the notes I took while at the library but I guess I was completely exhausted cause the next thing I saw was the blinding light from the sun. It was morning already.

Now...

"That was the first time I met Chloe and I still remember even what she wore that day, God I'm obsessed" I said as I let out a little laugh.

I checked the time and It was almost 10:00pm, that means I spent over two hours thinking about the first time I met someone who no longer was a part of my life anymore and that thought alone broke my heart even more.

I let out a little sigh, got up from the sofa and went to kitchen to get something to drink because I was starting to feel a bit thirsty. Over thinking really dries your throat up (that's strange isn't it). I got back to the living room to see my phone light up from a text. It was from Luca

Luca: Hope you haven't died from depression yet?

I quickly shot him back a text cause that guy can be very persistent when it comes to saving someone. He thinks he's superman or something

Me: Nah, I'm still kicking

Luca: Well you've been inside your house for a few days now. It's high time you came out for a little sunlight.

Me: Don't really feel like going through photosynthesis right now

Luca: You still have your whack sense of humour I see

Me: What am I without my sense of humour

Luca: You really want me to answer that? Well me and the rest of the guys are gonna hit the theatre tomorrow to catch a movie. You should join us

Me: Don't really feel like it. Maybe some other time

Luca: its either you come out or we're coming in but regardless we're seeing you tomorrow. Your choice

Looking round my apartment it's pretty much a dump and I don't need anyone seeing me at home like this at least not right now. Guess I don't have a choice, so I texted him back

Me: Fine. I'll come through. See you guys tomorrow

Luca: Good answer. Have you spoken to her since the breakup?

Me: Yeah. We talk once in a while at least when her phone is on. Guess she doesn't want anyone to try to talk to her about coming back home.

Luca: Any idea who she even ran off with?

Me: No idea man. Can we not talk about her right now?

Luca: Oh right sorry. I'm just kind of worried and I hope she's okay. But that aside we'll be expecting you tomorrow right?

Me: Yeah

Luca: Cool... take care

That was the longest conversation we've ever had on text and now I have to go outside and I have to answer them if I was okay and if I need a hug or not... Its gonna be a long day tomorrow.

Nothing more to do now than to go to bed and prepare for tomorrow. I got up from the sofa again for the second and hopefully the last time today, switched off the TV, picked up my phone and headed to my bedroom. I couldn't sleep immediately because of the little sounds coming from the basement.

It took about 30minutes of tossing and turning in bed before I could finally find the perfect spot and I was finally able to sleep off, awaiting the activities of the next day.