2

There couldn't have been a better example of 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' in human history. May was staring me down, just daring me to make the first move and spill the beans. If I didn't, she would start, and then she would really have the upper hand. Either she would have free reign to twist the story inevitably to make her look worse than she did, or I would keep interjecting with the 'that's not true's, which would get weaker and weaker with every interjection I was goaded to make.

Well fucking played, May. I stared her down coldly as she stared back, her grin never fading. In the two opposite corners of the room sat Megan, so shy and shriveled up she may as well have been through a food dehydrating machine, and Nicole, sitting about as casually as one does when reading the Sunday paper.

"No? Nothing?" May inquired almost evilly. "Well then, shall I begin? After all, your little whores deserve to know just who you've been sleeping with, right?"

I nervously looked over at Megan, who was just staring straight down at her desk. It was almost funny, considering about a semester ago she was doing the exact same thing with May. How quickly the tables turned.

"So you fucked? Cut the histrionics, I'm already bored." Nicole piped up lazily.

"We sure did." May responded smugly. "More than once. And guess when the first time was?"

"A romantic candlelit dinner?" Nicole quipped. "Who fucking cares when y-"

"Jeff Swanson's party."

At that, the lazy look left Nicole's eye. She sat up straight and put her arms down on the table. In less than a second, serious mode had been activated. "Excuse me?" she asked with a little heat.

"Ring any bells?" May asked her innocently, then turned to Megan. "It should for you. You were in a relationship with him at the time. Remember?"

Megan didn't respond. Her focus on the table only sharpened and she began quivering slightly. I didn't dare look at Nicole – I was too scared of whatever expression would have been on her face.

"Remember?" May pressured her.

"Hey, pipsqueak, lay off a little." Nicole told her with force. "This is meant to be entertainment. You're making her feel uncomfortable."

"She should feel uncomfortable. She was with a cheating fuck." May countered.

Nicole folded her arms but didn't say anything. I was looking away from her, but I couldn't help but feel her eyes on me. She wasn't looking at May, she was looking at me.

"Not to mention, I was drunk at the time." May continued matter-of-factly. "He took advantage of m-"

"Oh, shut the fuck up." I cut in for the first time, enraged. "You kept trying to seduce me and didn't take no for an answer. I told you I was in a relationship with you and you wouldn't stop."

"Neither would you after a little convincing." May countered, staring me down.

I gestured around me. "Do you really think you're accomplishing anything here? You're only just making the both of us look like assholes."

"Lying assholes." Nicole said a little too casually, looking down at her camera.

"I don't even care anymore. These girls probably already think I'm an asshole thanks to you." May replied. "And you don't know me."

Yup, there it was. The good old 'you don't know me' line. Even for a grade nine, I could tell that was stupid and immature.

"Why might they think you're an asshole?" I asked only half-seriously.

"Because you like to think you're right about everything and have to be the best and everyone else is a dick."

Mature. "I sure as hell know why you're an asshole. You fucking lured me out to a public place and took advantage of me right there, not taking no for an answer." I retorted. "Among other reasons."

"Oh, come on. You wanted it, you enjoyed it, I know it." May challenged me. "You just decided to be a little bitch about it after the fact."

"Is that the same attitude you had with Phil?! Or is it different because that was you, not me?" I challenged her, ice shards flying through my tone.

"Too far." Nicole pointed at me fiercely, enough heat in her voice to melt the ice.

"Shut the fuck up!" I exploded at her, then pointed at May. "This little fucking bitch had her way with me after I said, I distincted said, 'I do not consent.' I said those words, Nicole. Those exact fucking words. If you're so adamant in defending things like consent, it would be nice if you didn't fucking side with the girl who raped me."

"As if raping guys is a thing." May scoffed.

"No, it is." Nicole replied, chewing on my words. She looked down for a bit, then looked at me. "You will not mention the traumatizing event with May again. In fact, just forget that party happened, period."

"Thank you." May said smugly.

Nicole turned to her. "Shut up." she said with authority. "He's right. If what he's saying is the truth, he's right. Did he tell you that he didn't consent?"

"No, he never said anything." May lied. Right through her fucking teeth, too.

Nicole's eyes flared, then narrowed. "You're lying." she told her, and my heart rose. My fucking hero. I audibly sighed in relief. She could tell. She was on my side.

May was visibly taken aback. "What, you're just going to ta-"

"Yes I am. Because you're lying. Stop pretending." Nicole told her sternly. "The only way you can be more of a scumbag than doing what you did is lying about it afterwards. People have gone to jail for lesser things."

May chuckled. "Call the fucking cops, then. Let's see who they side with." she folded her arms. "Besides, I'm not done."

"Yes, you are." Nicole replied, standing up. "I was hoping this would be some entertaining gossip. But nope, fuck it, I'm allowing a raping fuck to get the upper hand here. Fuck you."

She walked over to me and embraced me in a hug. "I'm sorry." she whispered. "I hope you���re okay."

"Yeah?" May sputtered. "Well if you can spot liars, why doesn't Adam tell you what happened after? When I approached him in the halls? He fucking punched me."

Nicole broke off our hug and gave May an annoyed look. "Oh, fuck off." she told her. "Adam is too much of a wuss to hit anyone, much less you. No offense, squirt."

She may have been looking back at me during that last part, but I wouldn't have known. I was staring down at the floor, not willing to meet her gaze.

"…Wait, seriously?" Nicole asked me, grabbing my chin and moving my head back up so our gazes could meet. My eyes left hers and stared off to some corner in the room. She let go of my chin, allowing my head to hang, and looked off. "Damn." she muttered, almost impressed. "So something finally got through to you, huh?"

"You're not fucking mad?!" May asked incredulously. "He hit a girl!"

"He hit a scumbag is what he did." Nicole retorted. "What's wrong, too dainty to get hit? Can't take it? You're strong enough to force yourself on someone, be strong enough to take it."

"Violence isn't right." Megan's shy voice piped up for just about the first time. "He shouldn't have hit her."

"Fucking finally." May muttered. "Someone who sees reason. It's a shame this fucker cheated on you, Megan. You deserve so much better, you're such a good person." May's tone was a poisonous sweet. She was clearly trying to shift someone, clearly anyone at this point, to her side.

Megan didn't respond. Her arms were on the desk in front of her and her head just sank into her arms. May shrugged and took this as the time the continue. "See? Look at all the pain you're causing her, Adam. I bet Nicole is angry at you too. This is what happens when you fucking cross me. I can blow all of your fucking dirty little secrets. You can try t-"

A knock at the door caught the attention of all of us. Mid-speech, May whirled around to meet her interruptor. Nicole looked to the door, as did Megan.

Fucking Jenna was at the door, extending her upper body into the room. "I don't mean to interrupt," she began in a tone that clearly showed that she didn't care, "but are you all going to be out of this room soon?"

"Oh, hey Jenna. Yeah, this is wrapping up soon." Nicole replied casually. "Just give us a minute."

"A minute." Jenna repeated then was gone.

"Why the fuck is she here?!" I asked urgently.

"What, her?" Nicole asked. "Hall monitor. Makes sure rooms are closed and clean at the end of the day."

My first thought was to wonder why I was even surprised at this point. Of fucking course. My second response was a giant knot forming in my stomach. The school has fucking hall monitors? How in the sheer force of fuck did I never get caught? Wait, how did Carson? If he really fucked in the hallways, he would have been nabbed for sure.

"We have hall monitors?" I managed to ask, hiding my surprise.

Nicole nodded. "She's only part-time, but I mean it helps the school keep u-"

"Excuse me!" May snarled. "We're not finished here."

Nicole slowly turned to face May and slowly started to chuckle. Without uttering a single word, she walked over to her bag and scooped it up. "You guys coming? I've had enough of this."

Megan got up and meekly followed Nicole, who was moving towards the door. May stood there, the little gears turning in her head, before her eyes lit up with yet more unlit gunpowder to fling around the room.

"I bet you're no angel yourself, camera girl." May began.

Nicole lowered an eyebrow, thoroughly bored and unimpressed. "Camera girl?" she asked annoyedly.

"I bet you two have been having casual sex for a while. Before we first kissed, before you even blew him." she pointed at Megan. "So all three of you are assholes."

Nicole grasped at her heart. "Shit." she sobbed. "Fuck, you're right. I'm a monster. Arrest me, why don't you." Her expression instantly went back to its bored demeanor. "Grow up. Everyone knows I'm a slut. Welcome to like two years ago, kiddo."

"And how many people know Megan's a good-for-nothing slut too? She just uses sex to get whatever guy she wants, even if she knows he's got his eye on someone else."

Megan cleared her throat with nervousness yet determination. "Why do you have to be so rude?" she asked, her voice having more structure than I thought it would.

"I'm not rude, I'm just right. If you can't take it-"

"You're a bitch! That's all you are!!" Megan's face unhinged in a way I had never seen before.

Time stopped. Shit. Holy shit. An uneasy breeze passed through the room as the tension, already at asphyxiating levels, piled up. No one said anything for a good while. Megan swore. Nicole and I slowly looked at each other.

'Wow,' Nicole mouthed to me. She looked halfway between that kind of playing-it-cool amused and genuinely concerned. I won't lie, I was downright scared. Megan had never shown anything remotely close to this side of her before, and I think she was noticing it.

"Just… stop giving me this attitude. You're not being a good person, you know?" she added awkwardly.

May let a smirk show. "Maybe I am a bitch, but I still managed to get what I wanted using my charms. You had to get down and dirty. Who's the real bitch here?"

"Me, for allowing this whole thing to go down." Nicole sigh-whispered to me.

"I second that." I joke-whispered back.

"Oi." Nicole shot me a disapproving smile.

A knock on the door sent all gazes back to Jenna, back in the doorway. "It's been more than a minute." she sourly reminded us.

"Can you give us a minute? I'm in the middle of something here." May impatiently told her.

"Is it school-related?" Jenna asked.

"Dear God, no it's not." Nicole blurted out, shaking her head. "Yeah, we're on our way out. Thanks for saving me, Jen."

"Stay right where you are!" May warned her.

Nicole started to walk out, Megan quickly following her. I stared deeply into May's eyes and did what I thought would have been impossible from here on out. While looking her in the eyes, I broke out into a smile. Still looking at her and smiling, I began to walk out the door.

May grabbed my arm as I walked past. "Adam, don't you dare leave. You can't do this."

"Get off me." I simply said, trying to shake her off, still making my way towards the hallway. I was practically dragging her.

"I'm serious. Don't leave." May repeated, now in the hallway, still latched onto my arm.

Nicole looked at the two of us. "And here I was, thinking of you as a parasite only figuratively." she quipped at May, then pointed at Megan and I. "Let's go, Adam, Meggs Benedict."

"Hey hey, break it up." Jenna ordered, moving between May and I as if only noticing for the first time that any kind of conflict was going on. She tried shooing May off, to which May either didn't notice or pretended not to. Eventually, Jenna's instincts of 'I'm some kind of authority in this school' emboldened her as she grabbed May's arm. "I said, break it up."

When one is in a position where they thought they would have a lot of power and influence, it seems only natural that when the tables get turned and everyone groups up on them, they start to lash out. I would be lying if I couldn't understand May's thought process, especially given the last few weeks, in what happened next, even if I couldn't condone it.

As if reliving my personal shame from another perspective, I saw May wind up her other arm as she prepared to let loose all of the pent-up anger and frustration of the past few weeks. In the split second before anything happened, I glanced at Megan, who of course was looking away, not content to spend another second in this situation. Then my eyes turned to Nicole, who stood arms akimbo, eyebrows slightly raising as what was happening was dawning on her.

After the slow motion pre-game show, the spectacle happened as a strong thud was heard. You could only see May's fist connect with Jenna's cheek for a split second before Jenna's ragdoll collapsed onto the ground without even reacting, becoming a Picasso on the floor.

I glanced towards May's face. Her expression rapidly changed from an enraged girl on a mission to a mix of guilt, worry, regret and panic. She glanced up at me, her eyes pleading for me to have a solution or turn back the clock or something. She was a jerk, but… I couldn't help but feel pity for her. It seems like May was a victim of herself as much as I was.

I heard Nicole sigh angrily from behind me. "You fucking hypocrite." she snarled, powerwalking over to Jenna. "The fuck is wrong with you?!" She examined Jenna quickly. "She's out cold. Meganstein, find a teacher, there should be one in the English office. Adam, there's an ice machine in the back room of the cafeteria. If it's locked, use this." She tossed me a key which I barely caught. "I'm going to have a little chat with May."

She stood back up and grabbed May's arm, looking at Megan and I. "Well?! Move!" she ordered. Megan practically jumped and ran off, as Nicole went in the same direction. The cafeteria was in the opposite direction, so I started to walk the other way.

Then I stopped. I couldn't help myself. I sauntered back to Jenna's limp body. "Hey." I whispered. "Since May's a girl, this must mean she didn't really hit you, huh?" I smugly quipped. "Or was this the patriarchy's fault?" I giggled to myself and bolted off.

***

"So she's going to be okay?" Salvador asked me gravely.

I nodded. "Yeah, she's fine. May seemed to take it worse than she did." I let silence fill the air. "What's going to happen to her?"

"May or Jenna?"

"May." I clarified, shifting in my seat.

"I don't know, and even if I did, I couldn't tell you." Salvador shrugged. "What I can tell you is that violence does not get taken lightly at Hazelwood."

I gulped nervously in my seat, realizing that May could spill the beans about me hitting her whenever she wanted, and I'd be fucked. It's not like she was above snitching.

Salvador read my face. "Thinking about the fight with the mystery person?" he asked me, lowering an eyebrow.

I almost shook my head no, but then realizing the implications of that, thought better of it. "I don't like getting people in trouble." I told him.

"It's not about getting people in trouble. These people have done unacceptable things knowingly, and they're being punished for it. That's how justice works."

"It seems weirdly unfair." I mumbled. "Like, if people's lives don't have to be made worse, why should we punish them?"

"Couldn't you say the same thing to those people for what they did in the first place?" Salvador challenged me.

I huffed. "Yeah, I suppose." I admitted.

"Is there anything else?" he asked me, picking up a pile of papers and collating them.

"No, that's about all." I still wasn't ready to tell him how May assaulted me, or how I punched her. I wasn't sure which one I was more nervous telling him, but for now I sure as hell knew I wouldn't be bringing either one up. I picked up my backpack, slumped it over my lap, and started zipping it up.

"Why do you have Paul's mask on your bag?" Salvador asked me, stopping his paper-sorting.

I looked at my bag and saw the mask Mom sewed on. The weird green mask with the big forehead, its eyes blankly staring off into the distance.

"That day you gave him his marks back, he got disgusted with it and threw it away." I told him. "I found it in the trashcan and asked him if he wanted it. He said no, so I just sort of took it."

"He threw it away?" Salvador asked me, then made a disappointed face. "What a shame."

"Well it's not like you liked it either." I pointed out. "What was the mark you gave him, like a 4.7?"

"My job is to be critical and give marks, Adam." he responded.

"Why don't you like it, anyway?" I asked, eyeing the mask.

He put the stack of papers down on his desk and turned his attention to the mask. "It's not well made," he muttered, looking the mask over. "There's no clear defining feature of the face, and the paper maché job leaves the mask with coarse skin when the assignment asked for smooth. The colors don't blend together in a visually appealing way, and the strap was put on lazily, at least when the strap was still on. As well, look at the sides. They're sharp. He wasn't careful with the edges. That's a telltale sign of lazy craftsmanship."

Damn, son. I didn't realize I'd be getting Gordon Ramsay. "Oh." I simply said, looking the mask over. "Well… I mean, I like it."

Salvador chuckled. "You have the right."

I stared back at the mask and tried to make sense of Salvador's comments. The more I stared, the more his comments made sense, but none of them really bothered me. I wouldn't have liked the mask with smooth skin, it wouldn't have… fit the tone. The color was unusual and I liked it. Plus, if the mask had an obnoxiously obvious feature, I wouldn't have appreciated its subtleties.

��Do you think maybe I like it more because it's like this?" I asked. "Like, that I like it more because it's, as you say, flawed?"

"I don't think I ever said it was." Salvador clarified, then nodded. "Absolutely it can. Sometimes the most beautiful things aren't beautiful objectively, but because they're unique to us. Flaws help us relate to the more nuanced human emotions. If something is perfect, we can't bond to it as deeply."

"So things can mean more to us when they're clearly flawed?"

"Yes." Salvador replied simply. "That's why art is subjective. You don't know what you're going to bond with, but it's definitely not going to be as meaningful to others." He sat back in his chair. "As long as you don't hurt anyone and don't get hurt yourself, your memories will be the same way." he mused. "A lot of people like to romanticize high school, and despite all of the drama you may be experiencing now, you're likely going to look back at high school fondly."

I scoffed. "I don't think so."

"I know." he nodded. "That's why I said it about memories, not in-the-moment events."

I wanted to tell him about the time I was a scumbag and hit May. I wanted to tell him about the time I was raped. But I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to do it. It's not a kind of 'I opened my mouth but nothing came out' thing. It was worse. I was too scared, too nervous to open my mouth in the first place. I was just sitting there, staring straight ahead, probably a nervous look on my face, trying feebly to work up the courage to tell him.

"I know it sounds like I don't know what I'm talking about." he continued, shutting off the possibility of me opening up once and for all. "I don't need you to be able to believe in me. I don't need to be right either."

"Then why say it?" I asked, trying to be as polite as possible in my tone.

"Hm?" He sat up.

"One of the lines you use so often in your class is, 'don't speak unless what you have to say is more beautiful than the silence it eliminates' or something like that." I explained. "So if you're telling me something I don't need to believe, and it may not be right, what's the point?"

"I want you to at least keep it in mind." he told me. I waited for a further explanation, but as usual, he didn't give one.

"So that was more beautiful than the silence it eliminated, huh?" I huffed. "Is this another one of those subjective things that I may not find beautiful?"

His eyes danced. "If you like."

"I don't get you at all sometimes." I remarked as I stood up and slung my backpack over my shoulder.

"The important thing is not to get me. I'm hoping you get yourself a little more from coming here." he retorted.

"Do you want to get me too?" I asked him.

"If it means being able to teach you better, and if it means I can help you get through high school without having bad emotions manipulate you, I don't really have another option." He picked up his stack of papers again and peeled one off the top from the stack.

"Okay." My hands gripped the back of the chair as I leaned in. "Your impression of me. Go."

Salvador lowered an eyebrow. "I don't do impressions."

"Well, do you get me or not?" I asked him.

"You're an anxious teenager wanting to do good in the world. I once was you." he replied.

***

"I'm not going to sit here and bullshit you about how it was right to hit her. I'm disappointed in you." Nicole dryly told me, not taking her eyes off the sunset as we both sat looking out the window of the church.

"I'm disappointed in myself." I admitted in a small tone.

At this point, I was beginning to understand how to talk to Nicole more. After she drove me home after the talk with Salvador, she didn't even have to talk to me to get me to realize she wanted me to follow her this time. We didn't say anything for the whole walk, or when we got to the cemetery. She didn't even look at Mitch's gravestone this time. She just immediately went into the church and plopped down. We sat for about five minutes, then made a little small talk. Then the tears started coming, and I was all too happy to be her literal shoulder to cry on. Then after she eventually shoved me away and continued to stare out the window, more silence. Her telling me she was disappointed was the first thing she said to me since she started crying.

"That said…" she began uneasily, turning towards me. "I'm so sorry she had her way with you. That's not okay at all."

"It's fine." I brushed it off with a fake smile. "Shit happens, right?"

She gave me a disapproving look. "Shut the fuck up, squirt." she said in a low, dry, serious voice, bringing me in for a hug. I accepted thankfully, not even registering how long the hug was. It was a long one, and a few seconds in, I started shaking. Not crying, I wasn't sad. I was just… shaken. I didn't like thinking about the event. I was just… upset. So upset. Almost giddy, but like a terrible kind of giddy. Every time I thought about the event, I buried my head into her shoulder more and cringed.

Her hand stroked the back of my head soothingly. "Don't you dare think it was your fault."

She knew I was thinking exactly that. I sighed uncomfortably as she held me closer, tighter. "It's okay." she told me gently in little more than a whisper.

Eventually the hug broke off and we just eyed each other awkwardly.

"So… you lied to me." Nicole broke the silence.

"What?"

"At Phil's party. You told me you'd never cheat. And you'd never be with someone that had a partner."

"Oh. Yeah." I replied lamely.

Silence hung through the air. "Are you ready to tell me about it?"

"I think so." I nodded, then sighed. "So… At Jeff Swanson's party, May was there. This was shortly after we kissed and Megan did her thing. You know?"

Nicole nodded. "I remember.���

Of course, she remembers everything. "Well she was really drunk and stuff, and she just sorta… got over it and came on to me."

Nicole raised an eyebrow. "I know, I know, it sounds weird." I defended myself, hands flailing in front of my face.

"As long as you're telling me the whole story." Nicole said with just enough of a threatening edge to her voice, coupled with a stare that could bore a hole in solid diamond.

I nodded solemnly. "Yeah. So she starts hitting on me out of the blue, and like a fucking idiot, I fall for it. For the record, your precious fucking Kenny told me to go for it, knowing she's in a relationship."

Nicole waved me off. "Kenny's a tool. Protip: don't listen to him."

"So we go upstairs and… y'know, it happens. Afterwards though it starts to sink in what happened. May starts freaking out, right? She tells me that if I tell anyone, she'll say I took her… against her will."

"You're making this shit up." Nicole interrupted in disbelief.

"I'm not, I swear. I wanted to tell Megan, I did."

"And you did, right?" Nicole asked.

I nodded. "Never said it was May though, so I guess she finally got to know who. I told Carson too."

Nicole nodded. "Right thing to do." She thought to herself for a second. "And then I kissed you the next morning, huh?"

"Yeah." I admitted uneasily.

Silence hung over us. "Well, thank you for telling me the whole story." she said softly, pulling me in for another hug.

"I'm sorry I lied to you." I said lamely into her shirt.

"I forgive you, ya nut." Nicole sighed. "Just tell me the whole thing next time. I only wanna help you out."

"She tried to blackmail me." I broke the silence with a quivering voice.

"Yeah, that crossed my mind." Nicole huffed. "Welcome to high school. Ever heard of a 'toxic' person? Textbook example."

"I bet May thinks you and I are toxic people." I mumbled.

Nicole shrugged. "Probably. That's the beauty of perspective."

"I wish I had a bigger perspective." I said in a small voice.

Nicole turned to me and smiled slightly. "Yeah?"

I nodded, still staring out the window.

"Wanna start now?"

I turned to her with a confused expression. "What do you mean?"

"I'm being spontaneous, squirt. Keep up." Nicole answered me, leaping to her feet and walking with determination down the stairs.

I just stared at her as she disappeared from view. "You're supposed to follow me, dolt." Nicole's voice echoed through the church's lofts. Quickly, I got to my feet and followed her downstairs, then out the door.

Nicole kept walking until she stopped at a familiar sight. Good ol' Mitch. She stood in front of the gravestone, looking down at it, never moving until she motioned impatiently at me without even looking away from the stone for me to join her.

I approached her slowly. I knew better than to ask what was going on, since I didn't want to upset her in case she was vulnerable again. She visibly breathed in and out a few times before clearing her throat.

"Hey." she began softly. I looked back to the gravestone. I wanted to be respectful, but she was talking to a hunk of rock.

"So, this is the friend I was talking about." She gestured towards me with a small smile, which got noticeably impatient as seconds lew by. "Give him your name, knucklehead." she whispered to me on the side annoyedly, as if there was a real person in front of us.

I turned to the gravestone. "Uh…" I began weirdly, "A-Adam."

This was fucking awkward. Either Nicole was not noticing it, or was trying super hard to pretend it wasn't. I gazed over to her, who was smiling and looking intently at the gravestone, occasionally nodding.

She chuckled. "Yup, karate. He's still a white belt, but he's got a lot of promise to him. Remember what you said? I believe in him too."

I sighed and looked down, making sure not to make it too loud. What was this? Why was this? This kind of made me uncomfortable.

"Yeah, it's going well. I practically have the yearbook done at this point." she continued. "Classes are stupid, but, I mean, what's new."

I had to stand there for maybe two minutes as she made conversation with a dead guy. I tried to be as respectful as possible, and more often than not, I found myself just staring at my shoes. The pauses were the worst part. To entertain myself, I tried imagining what he must have said to warrant her responses, like guessing who's on the other end of a telephone.

Finally, she uneasily told him, "Well, I guess we should go. Thanks for listening." She leant forward and gently kissed the gravestone. "I love you." she whispered.

She turned to me and smiled slightly. "Thanks." she half-whispered.

"For what?" I asked her, pretending to be oblivious.

"I get it, that's kind of weird." she admitted. "It's just how I get through it and stuff." She went quiet for a second. "He means a lot to me. Blood is thicker than water and all that."

I smiled faintly at her. "I understand." I felt like I lied when I said that. "It's just weird to me. Like, I didn't even know him or anything."

"Yeah, that's a fair point." Nicole nodded, then grabbed my hand, tugging me towards the graveyard's exit. "Come on. I want to show you something."

***

She was still dragging me by the hand when we got inside her front door. "Hey mom, hey dad!" she called as she kicked off her shoes. "I've got Adam with me again."

"That's fine!" Mrs. Baker called from the kitchen.

Really? It was? I normally felt as welcome there as a slow walker in New York City. Did Nicole speak to them?

I barely kept up with Nicole, hastily kicking off my shoes by the time she ran to the kitchen.

"So I was just telling Mitch that I'm nearly done the yearbook." Nicole said gleefully, practically bouncing around as I walked into the kitchen.

Her mom didn't share her enthusiasm. "That's great!" she said with just a tad too little energy. She caught my gaze and shared my slight worry for Nicole's tendency to talk to her dead brother, it seemed.

Her dad didn't look up from his newspaper. I'm surprised he wasn't reading The Charles Dickens Times or something. I tried to scan his face for any reaction to Nicole bringing up Poor Yorick, but his face was so blank one would feel compelled to draw something on it.

Mrs. Baker cleared her throat abruptly. "So, are you two hungry?" she asked us. "Would you like something?"

"I'm fine." Nicole waved her off, going upstairs in a hurry, stopping only for a second to motion for me to follow her.

Just as I was about to follow her, Mrs. Baker turned her attention to me. "Adam?"

"Yeah?" I asked dumbly, distracted by Nicole's signal.

Mrs. Baker hesitated as if her question was obvious. Eventually she repeated, "Are you hungry?"

Oh. Right. I guess that was obvious. I looked nervously to my left, then my right. Why was Mrs. Baker being kind to me all of a sudden? It didn't make sense. Did she seriously just turn on a dime and start treating me better because I wasn't having sex with her pride and joy? That's all it took?! That was kind of sad.

"Um… I'm cool. Fine. I mean I'm fine." I sputtered.

Mrs. Baker just looked at me. "Okay," she finally said. "Let us know if you two need anything."

"Yeah," I awkwardly mumbled as I went up the stairs. Nicole was waiting for me in the upper hallway, checking an invisible watch.

"About time. I'm starting to think you come here for my parents but not me." she complained.

"I'm Nicole. I'm not the jealous type. Stop hanging out with my parents so much, it's been at least five whole seconds." I shot back in a high voice.

"That sounds nothing like me, you clod." she replied with a grin, shoving me.

"What's with your mom, anyway?" I asked her, balancing myself.

"What do you mean?"

"A few weeks ago she gave me these death glares and now she's just welcoming me into her home, offering me stuff to eat." I pointed out.

"Parents do that. In fact, parents do those two specific things all the time." Nicole replied. "I think it's a union thing."

"Yeah, but it feels like your parents are treating me differently." I responded. "Why?"

"I don't think they are." Nicole simply said.

"Well it feels like they are." I mumbled.

"Lucky you then." she shot back bitterly. "Maybe someday they'll start treating me differently too. Maybe I'll feel like they actually care. They already care about you so fucking much."

"Whoa." I stepped back, throwing my hands up. "I'm sorry. Did I touch a nerve or something?"

Nicole pouted to herself. "No, I'm sorry." she quietly said. "Firstly, try not to bring up my parents to me, okay? I'm well aware that shit's unfair. Secondly, it's the thing I wanna show you. I'm…" She shuffled around. "I'm kinda, like, building up the courage to show it to you."

I glanced around the hallway. "Is it… is it like a wall or something?"

She pointed to a door next to her. "It's this room you dork."

One of these days she was going to run out of insulting words for me. "What's the room?"

"The study." Nicole answered, her voice trembling just a tad. "But it still has Mitch's bed still in it. Dad just uses that room when he wants to be alone with stuff he reads." She cleared her throat to stifle something. "I know you probably think at me talking to gravestones and crying all the time and you think, 'damn, she's messed up.'"

"No." I told her supportively.

She smiled a sad smile. "It's okay, squirt. You don't have to lie. I know you do. But it affects all of us. Sometimes dad comes in here and he doesn't leave for days. Once or twice I even caught him crying." Her gaze fell to the floor. "Dad's one of those guys. He never cries."

"Literal days?" I asked her.

"Okay, not literal days." Her gaze travelled back up to meet mine. "But long amounts of time. He'll skip supper and everything." She eyed the door. "I think the last time I've been in here was before I met you. A lot of bad memories come from this place."

I reached over and grabbed her hand, holding it in mine. Her head slowly turned to face me, and she gave a small smile.

"But since I'm fine going to see him now, I feel like I'm ready. Plus, I want you to meet the real him, not just his name on a stone."

"Okay." I said, and we just stood there, looking at the door, hand in hand, not moving at all.

"Are… are we just gonna-"

"Building up the courage. Don't rush me." Nicole said firmly.

"Do you want me to open the door for you?" I offered.

She shook her head determinedly. "If I'm going in there, I'm doing it the right way." She took a few deep breaths and let go of my hand to put hers on the doorknob. "Count me down."

"Eighty, seventy-nine, seventy-eight…" I began jokingly.

"Remember that I can kick your ass if I wanted to." she smirked towards me.

I chuckled. "Three, two, one."

In the span of a microsecond, Nicole opened the door with the force of an atom bomb. Her hand was back at her side in an instant, and the door swung open to reveal a few bookshelves and a dusty bed in the corner.

Nicole started to wordlessly walk inside, as if in a trance, and I followed her. The room was barely visible given the sun was all but gone at this time. I felt around the wall for a light, eventually finding one and turning it on.

To say the room felt busy was an understatement. Behind the door sat a desk, presumably the one Mr. Baker used, and the walls were filled with posters and corkboards. None of the posters were anything recognizable though. No Marvel stuff, no gaming stuff, just these weird drawings of caricatures.

"Mitch liked to draw, huh?" I asked awkwardly.

Nicole nodded. "He loved drawing. He loved creating people, like his own people. He used to explain how they think, why they wanted what they wanted."

Nicole certainly was enthralled with them, but me, a little less so. To be polite, Mitch didn't appear to be Rembrandt. The characters were bizarre in some kind of abstract way. Some didn't have noses. Some didn't really have faces at all. They were all crudely drawn, some even hastily.

Nicole was looking at the room like she was playing Where's Waldo. Eyeing every detail, almost breathing in the moment. I decided not to pepper her with more questions and do a little more of my own observing.

I walked over to the bookshelf. So, what did the great Mitchell Baker read? Apparently Dickens. Like father like son. Either that or Mr. Baker just liked to keep his books in this room.

"Your dad keeps all his Dickens books in here I see." I remarked, trying to keep up conversation.

I went back to observing the books before Nicole joined me. Upon seeing her, I turned to face her, and she did the same.

"Dad never read a single Dickens book before Mitch passed on." she told me in a warm, soft, sad voice. "This is Mitch's bookshelf."

Oh. Well, I suppose this was a great shot of perspective, running from my heart all the way through my body. So… Mr. Baker… that's how he coped. He carried on his son's legacy, or something. Through Dickens books.

"I dunno how to feel about that." I told Nicole honestly.

She responded by wrapping her arm around my shoulder and rubbing it softly. "Neither do I a lot of the time." she told me. "I don't know why I talk to him. Hell, I bet if he were back within a few months I'd start to wonder sometimes why I missed him. He could be a bit of a jerk sometimes. He would…" she breathed heavily for a second. "Sorry. He would shove me around, make me feel like a child, but he never stopped believing in me. I think you would have liked him."

"If you liked him, I think I would have too." I replied, smiling at her. She smiled back.

Silence fell afterwards. Out of boredom, I took out a copy of Our Mutual Friend and looked it over. "I haven't even heard of half of these." I mumbled to myself.

Nicole followed suit, taking out a copy of Bleak House. "You should read them, they're pretty cool." she remarked. "I mean, they're kind of boring if you compare them to today's books, but if you take them in the context of their time period, they're actually quite interesting."

I moved to put the book back when something caught my eye. In the space between books was something shiny, sitting on the further-back part of the shelf.

"What's that?" I asked Nicole, nudging her. She looked at the shelf, and I pointed out the shiny metal thing.

"I… don't know." replied Nicole, surprisingly dumbfounded. "Hold this." She immediately dumped her book on me, which I barely caught in time. She started taking books off of the shelf, slowly revealing a locked box.

"Holy shit, a treasure chest!" I exclaimed excitedly. I dumped the books to the floor as Nicole carried it carefully to the bed.

It appeared to be some kind of huge cylinder with seven tumblers, all letters. It looked fancy, some kind of imitation gold with black letters on white tile circling the cylinder. Both ends had some kind of brass plating on them. "What's this?" I asked.

"Cryptex." she answered, studying it.

"Bless you." I joked.

"A cryptex is like a portable vault. Dan Brown coined the term in 2003. It's a lockbox that only opens if you spell the secret word. See these sevens letter tumblers? If I can spell the correct word, it opens."

"Couldn't you just force it open?" I asked her.

"Too easy." She winked. "If you try to force it open, it breaks a vial of vinegar and it dissolves the parchment inside the cryptex."

"Parchment?"" I asked, my tone reflecting how stupid that sounded.

"Or whatever is inside. Basically a cryptex is designed so that the only way to safely find out what's inside is to guess the word on the lock. Try to force it open and whatever's inside is lost."

"Is this one of those things? Like, is there actually vinegar in there?" I asked.

"Not a clue." she answered honestly. "But I sure as hell don't want to risk it."

"So then what's the word?" I asked her eagerly.

She shrugged. "Not a damn clue." she reported sourly.

"Well, you're smart, you could figure it out, right? Trial and error." I stayed optimistic.

She turned to face me. "Squirt, there are…" Her eyes glazed over as she looked beyond me. "…eight billion, thirty-one million, eight hundred ten thousand, one hundred seventy-six different possible combinations to this sucker. There's no guarantee the correct password is even a proper word, or an English one."

"Well, how many languages do you know?" I asked her.

"Only five. Point is, there's no way we can open this. At least, not now."

"So… what do we do?" I asked. "Seems kinda unfair we found this huge thing and now we don't even get to see what's in it."

Nicole kept staring at it, lost in her own little world. "What is in this?" she whispered aloud. "What kinds of secrets could he possibly have? What did he keep from me?"

I began to get uneasy. "Nico-"

"I know." she replied flatly. "I'm stopping. But, like, I wouldn't even know where to begin. He didn't really use any seven-letter words more often than any others." She started moving some letters around. "Maybe Dickens…?" She completed the word and tugged. Nothing. "Nope. I give up."

It seemed almost weird that Nicole would give up so easily. "Are you okay?" I asked.

She took the lockbox and put it back in the shelf. "To be honest, this box kinda freaks me out. I want to put it away and pretend it doesn't exist, until I can properly figure out what it means." She put all of the books back. "And don't tell mom and dad this exists just yet, okay?"

"Yeah, of course." I nodded.

"Thanks, squirt." she sighed. "Mario Kart?"

"Thought you'd never ask." I grinned, then stopped. "But… are you okay? Like, content with visiting here?"

She smiled. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little burnt out from school and everything. Visiting here is nice, but it's a dark kind of nice. Right now I need mindless fun. Like, 'stupid fun.' And who better to be stupid with than you?" She winked at me, flashing me a coy smile.

"You're dead." I muttered, smiling back.

"First one there gets to be Luigi!" She shouted behind her as she bolted out of the room. I chuckled and got up slowly. I learned around the third time that she always got there first.

Just before getting out of the room, I stopped. Slowly, I turned around and flicked on the light. That couldn't have been it. There had to be more.

I looked around his room again. The shelf, the bed, the corkboards. And there it was, a little memo that mentioned some daily tasks and reminded him that 'the password sheet is in the desk.'

My eyes travelled from the board to the desk, to the board again, back to the desk. Could it really have been that easy? I almost got tingly as I slowly approached the desk, opening the desk drawer, expecting the answer to fall right in front of my eyes.

Rats. Nothing. It was completely bare. It was worth a shot, but even still, I let out a huff of disappointment as I closed the desk, shut off the lights, and closed the door behind me.

He had something still to him. Imagine that. A dead guy, and yet it felt like he was still clutching an item close to his chest, moving away if you got too close. It kinda was like he was living. Maybe talking to him wasn't so nutty, because my insanely curious nature made me want to grab him by the collar and ask him what the thing was. The craptex thing.

"About time," Nicole complained when I walked into her room. "What, did you get lost?"

"I wish you would." I mumbled, stifling a smile.

"Already talking smack, huh?" Nicole smirked. "Bowser's castle it is then, bitch. Now hurry up and connect your damn controller."

Seconds turned to minutes, which turned into about an hour, so effortlessly. With Nicole, it was hard to say my life wasn't blessed. There wasn't a moment we weren't exchanging jokes, hooting and hollering, and grinning knowingly from ear to ear. It's like we were telepathic at this point. Nigh inseparable. Even with our problems, we knew how to relax with each other and just… enjoy the moment. The rest of the world may as well not exist.

"I win." Nicole smugly pointed out and the end of our third grand prix tournament, both of us lying on our stomachs on her bed, controllers in front of us.

"I noticed." I replied sourly.

"One of these days you're going to beat me." Nicole added playfully, rustling up my hair with her hand.

"I barely beat you in one race, and that's because you got three red shells in a row." I pointed out. "Plus I don't play video games. You do."

"You're playing one now." Nicole quipped dryly. "Who knows? Lady luck may eventually side with you." She started absentmindedly playing with my hair some more.

I playfully pouted. "You're going to mess it up." I whined.

"It's already messy." Nicole giggled, continuing to mess up my hair. I smiled and reached over to mess hers up. Soon we were two people interlocked in a circle of messing up hair.

"Mine just falls back into position, I'm not sure what you think you're accomplishing here." Nicole remarked.

I shrugged and gave a small chuckle. "I dunno." I replied. I slowly stopped as did she, and just looked into her eyes. She didn't look away. Eventually she started moving her eyebrows in weird positions, making weird faces. "You're fun." I said, smiling at every face she made.

"Damn right I am." she replied with a smile. "You're not so boring yourself."

"Oh yeah?" I asked.

"Of course." she replied. "You're a great time. Who needs twister when you're around?" We both shared a weak chuckle at that, never taking our eyes off of each other. Eventually the chuckling stopped and we were just staring into each other's eyes. No giggling, no weird faces. Just staring.

I never forgot how amazing she looked. It almost pained me every day. Her piercing, beautiful blue eyes, she way she drew me in… her black, gorgeous hair… somehow it managed to remain in place and tidy after all the rustling. Even her nose was perfect. I never thought someone's nose could be perfect until I saw Nicole's. I gave a weak giggle as I drank in the sight of her face.

"What?" her voice greeted me.

"Nothin'…" I murmured, staring straight at her. "It's just… you're beautiful."

"Flattery will get you nowhere, squirt." She chuckled.

"No, like… Nicole, you look absolutely wonderful. You're so beautiful." I said slowly, meaningfully.

She didn't say anything for a bit. A smile slowly formed on her lips. "Thanks, Adam." she replied quietly. Slowly, her hand went to grab my head again, only it wasn't to play with my hair this time. She used my head and pulled on it to get herself closer to me.

"Remember when we used to cuddle? Like this?" she asked me softly her head almost nuzzled into my chest, looking away from my face.

"I think about it every day." I told her, pushing my luck and looping my arm around her, caressing her back.

"I'm not supposed to think about it that often." she continued quietly. The last words I could barely hear, they were practically a whisper.

"But I do."

There was no way that Nicole and I were on different pages here. Something was clearly happening. Remembering the cautious words of Salvador, I decided to go for it, once and for all.