Chapter Four

It wasn't long before the rest of the early pregnancy symptoms caught up with Avery. She knew when she was hungry, but she was aware anything she ate would come back up into the toilet.

What was the point in eating if she couldn't keep anything down? She wasn't even given time to absorb the nutrients.

She truly didn't mind the thought of being a mom. She did mind, however, being pregnant. She heard women talk about pregnancy being a beautiful thing, and she truly believed it. Seeing models doing pregnancy photoshoots looking like absolute angels sitting on their knees holding a bulging belly and clear glowing skin.

She wanted that. So far, pregnancy has been nothing but a nightmare.

Avery already knew that the healthy skin was not a problem for her. Her genetics gave her the upper hand when it came to healthy skin. But it still made her envious nonetheless.

She spent most mornings in the bathroom dry heaving. She couldn't throw up because she couldn't bring herself to eat anything knowing that she'd throw it up anyway.

There was a knock on the bathroom door. Avery jumped as a pump of adrenaline surged through her. "Yes?" she called. The nurse walked in. "Avery. I understand that you see no point in eating, but this is unhealthy." She said softly. Avery held up a hand.

She didn't want to hear it.

"This isn't an eating disorder. And I'll be fine." she said. "You might, but the baby most certainly will suffer greatly because of your decisions." she said. Avery's head snapped up. "Oh my god." tears welled up in her eyes.

Avery felt terrible. 

"God, I'm so selfish! I'm worrying about myself so much that I forget I'm carrying a living being." Avery sobs quietly.

"Avery, eat something. You and the child are malnourished. There is breakfast waiting for you out in the front room. Eat." The nurse commanded.

Avery wipes her eyes and gives a stuffy sniff and nods. She places her hands on her knees and stands up. "Yes, ma'am." she says woefully. Avery smells the air and her hunger shows no interest in suppressing gurgled noises of delighted anticipation.

There was eggs, bacon, toast sticks, sausage, hash browns, and small mini Eggos pancakes. There was a bottle of Minute Maid orange juice as well. Avery smiles.

"Many thanks to the cook." she says. She earned a laugh from her nurse as she dug in. Almost immediately, satisfaction sets in as her food is swallowed. She makes sure to eat a bit of food for the sake of her baby's health and her own.

When she's done, she downs as much of the bittersweet orange juice as she can. The nurse doesn't hesitate to take care of the trey.

To pass time, she decides to read a bit. She only looks up when the door opens and softly shuts as the nurse re-enters. "While I was out, I made a quick stop down to the gift shop. I thought you could use a little something to keep you busy while also stimulating your brain. Here are a few word search books. I got you a small group of pens and pencils." she says. 

Avery smiles. "Thank you." She says as she takes the stack from her hands. She gets started on the first word search. I love word searches. They're really easy. She thought to herself.

She was happy to realize the word search books she was given weren't the easy ones with only ten to fifteen words to find, but with twenty five words and a small font.

She whips through the first three word puzzles in under an hour and then decides to rest her eyes. 

She doesn't realize how long she'd been asleep.

Something reaches for and grabs Avery's hand. "How long has she been sleeping for, doctor Benson?" A feminine voice asked. "She's been asleep for the past two and a half hours. She's stayed in that position the whole time. I thought it would be best to monitor her heart rate so I connected her to a BPM. Her pulse hasn't changed. Only going up one beat or down one beat." Avery recognized both voices. The first one being her mother, and what she assumed was Doctor Benson was her nurse.

Avery opens her eyes wide. She springs up and runs to the bathroom. She starts throwing up violently. Vomit comes out of her nose. After five rounds of this, she flushes the toilet and wipes her mouth. She immediately goes to the sink and vigorously brushes her teeth. 

"This is going to be a long journey." she sighs. She wasn't wrong. 

She downed every meal she was given for the sake of the health of the living being growing in her. Any thoughts of throwing up were overpowered by the need to keep it alive.

She also hated dry heaving while hungry.

She was excited to reach the end of her pregnancy. She still has several months of pregnancy ahead of her. It wasn't too late to terminate it, but she's romanticized being a mother for a while.

She spoke softly to herself, stroking her still flat belly. She felt miserable but found comfort in speaking to her child. 

While she stroked her belly, her thoughts wandered. Wandered to Andrew. She allowed her mind to inhabit the dark places Andrew took her.

She was ashamed. When she was with Andrew, he had done things that actually made her feel good. 

That's what she hated the most. Andrew had committed one of the most vile acts against her and dared to make it enjoyable. He dared to make her second-guess her feelings. She didn't want what he gave her, but she liked it.

She liked the way it felt when he touched her just so. His fingers rubbed a particular spot on her womanhood that drove her crazy.

She couldn't stop him when he put his mouth on that same spot. She couldn't stop him when she was being overpowered. 

She couldn't stop the way she felt. She hated him for it. She hated the way she was used and abused. She hated that he took advantage of her and she felt powerless to stop him.

He didn't love her. She loved him. Despite all he's done, she still loved him.