Arata Van Lierde

I am a lonely person.

I've always been left alone, haven't had any deep relationships with any of my peers, and have been treated like the outsider.

While I tried to figure out why I was in this situation, I kept blaming external variables I couldn't change, such as the people around me, the fact that I am a person of mixed nationality, or just plain bad luck. 'Hey, maybe I'll make some friends the next time I switch schools.'

Now that I think about it, it was a stupid thought. The only thing that remained the same as the locations, children, and living arrangements changed was the crippling, never-ending sense of loneliness.

A mirror reflecting my pitiful self was waiting for me at the end of the long journey I traveled through looking for the things to blame, and it nearly seemed to be laughing at my misfortune and selfishness.

Yet, I didn't let my emotional state interfere with my success. No, to be more true, I just couldn't let it impact me. I was at the top of the academic pyramid regardless of where I was or how many strangers I had to share a room or a yard with.

I found solace and escape in my studies, because it felt like I was doing my best to make sure that everything my mother has gone through for me wasn't in vain and that her sacrifices weren't pointless.

That was all up until Mom made the decision to compel me to join the football team at my current school. She refused to accept any of my excuses or my unwillingness to comply. She gave a rather blunt response when asked why she did what she did.

"You're wasting all that height of yours on being a nerd and that dreadful sitting posture. Physical activity is crucial for a growing organism."

I offered a fairly rational query as her remarks nearly made me cry and stabbed my heart, making it bleed.

"You aren't really wrong... I guess. But why exactly football, Mom? Wouldn't playing basketball make more sense in that case?" I was still interested in my mother's decision-making process despite the defeated voice totally embracing it.

"You were the one who said that football is, quote-unquote, 'pretty cool,' weren't you?" Mom grinned as she read my reaction at her response, remembering the remarks I made during the 2014 World Cup.

"You can join Basketball team if you really want to, honey. I just want you to take your mind off the studies a bit and have some fun." Her warm tone and smile of honesty were enough indication of how much she worried about my health, be it physical or mental.

*Sigh* "Alright Mom, football is fine. I'll try my best, ok? I don't promise anything."

As I whispered the last sentence out, Mom embraced me in a tight hug, wishing all the best for me.

"Ha, when was I ever a demanding mother you brat. Now go to sleep and god forbid I find you up late at night playing Nintendo, I promise you I'll shread it to pieces."

The loving aura around us suddenly turned into a cold and threatening one. The fear twofolded once I realized that Mom was really capable of doing as she warned.

I quickly ran up my room and went to sleep, excited yet still nervous about this new chapter in my monotone book. Looking up at the dark ceiling, deep in my head, all of my emotions and thoughts merged into a sentence that for some reason I wanted to say out loud.

"Football. Let's see what you are holding for me, heh."

And so... About a year passed.