Here We Go Again...

'Is this really alright?'

Alex thought as he watched the retreating back of Sarah. He was feeling like he thought an overprotective father, who was sending his teenage daughter out for a party, alone, for the first time would; worried, and a little afraid for his little princess. What if she encountered a 'big baddie' out there?

Except, the parts were reversed, and even with his age from last life included, Sarah was the older one here.

'She still doesn't know about the danger out there though…'

His mind argued. He almost wanted to give in, run to her still visible back, and persuade her to let him follow her; beg if he had to. But, he restrained himself, after all, he'd just, not even a quarter-hour ago, decided to be a bit more optimistic.

So, he simply watched her fading silhouette until she disappeared into the distance, stubbornly hoping for everything to be fine. The other children that were standing beside him until now had begun leaving in their cliques to do whatever they wanted.

He had to leave too.

He knew himself well enough to know that if he didn't find something to do, he would just spiral down the trail of negative thoughts. He didn't want to turn his mind into a devil's workshop due to its idleness, not even in a metaphorical sense.

Therefore, he decided to spend all of his time after Sarah's departure at his usual spot in the library, and taking full advantage of her absence, he practiced magic, making it do whatever he could think of. Which wasn't really much, since he'd to make sure not to make noise. He had had enough of telekinesis, and not wanting to conjure a flame or blasting bookcases, he decided to try transfiguration and change his training partner, the pebble, into its version 2, the needle. Well, at least without changing the pebble's material make-up for his initial tries.

…Nothing happened.

He'd done everything the same way; visualize the effect, intend it, and let the magic take over. This method had worked well with all the other things he'd tried like telekinesis, conjuring light or flames, and even a cutting hex he'd aimed at the grass.

So, what was the problem now?

He tried again.

And again…

…and again.

He didn't get the expected result no matter how many times he tried. The transfigured needle always looked deformed, if it could be called a needle in the first place, that is. The pebble, more often than not, just changed into various weird shapes that had a passing resemblance to a needle.

Having gotten used to failures, he didn't get frustrated as he would have only two weeks ago, instead, he just pondered the possible reason behind his failure.

Perhaps, the problem lied in visualization?

He'd been visualizing the end result, the final shape he wanted the pebble to take; a thin and sharp needle. No change in the material, just shape.

'Will a gradual approach be better?'

Finding sense in that thought, he visualized a more gradual change in the shape of the pebble. He imagined the pebble elongating, thinning, slowly turning into a cylindrical shape, and then sharpening at one of its ends. He solidified the images of the stages of that gradual process in his mind and then proceeded to the next step of intending for it to happen in reality.

He succeeded; the result, although still unsatisfactory, largely resembled a needle. But, like every other spell he'd tried, it took time; even worse, it took more time than all the other spells he'd tried duplicating to date.

Duplicated spells; now that was another issue that had been worrying him. He had not used any incantations since the very beginnings, so, he didn't know if the spells he was practicing were the standard ones or were they just a copy. If a copy, then, were they better than the standard ones, or worse?

For now, he'd no way of figuring it out, and thus, he returned to practice the change back and forth, from needle to pebble and vice-versa.

Fortunately, as a saving grace, he seemed to grow marginally better with each try.

'Can't anything be easy for a change? I guess, my way is the hard way…'

Hence, he began his grinding session.

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Sarah didn't return.

It'd already been more than two hours past her usual time, but there was still no sign of her.

Alex was currently pacing back and forth in his currently empty room, once again worrying about every damn thing in his life. Every turn, he would look out of the window, at the gate of the orphanage, hoping to see the familiar silhouette of Sarah. But, he never did see anything different from what he'd seen a few moments ago.

He never did see anything different from an hour ago when he'd first started this stroll in his room.

Initially, he didn't worry too much at the delay, after all, there were tens, if not hundreds of reasons that could possibly stall her. Then, as an hour went by, his worry seemed to grow exponentially with every passing minute. Every second was weighing heavily on him, every moment was spent on him trying to maintain an optimistic outlook, and each of those moments, he prayed for Sarah's safe return.

He didn't know if there was anyone, any higher power to even listen to his prayer, but he didn't care, because, to him, it didn't matter. All that mattered to him was Sarah's well-being.

Feeling his anxiety rising once again for only God knew how many times in two weeks, he began the extremely familiar routine of calming himself down. For fuck's sake, he never did imagine, nor did he want to, that he would develop expertise in such areas…

But, no, he couldn't calm down. He'd read too many of those f*cking novels to retain his positivity. He'd read about too many tragedies that had resulted due to the protagonist's carelessness, and all of those scenarios kept revolving in his mind like a f*cking documentary.

His recently honed visualization skill didn't help either.

His rational mind was still telling him to be positive, that being late didn't mean something bad had happened, but his emotions had made his rational mind sod off and were now making him regret letting Sarah go alone.

'I should have insisted …'

He shouldn't have cared for Sarah's growing annoyance at his insistence that morning. If the cost of keeping her safe was just her getting annoyed at him, then it was a negligible amount to pay.

Another half-hour passed and there were still no signs of her return. Alex was growing increasingly anxious with every passing minute. For all he knew, she could be struggling for her life at this very moment, or possibly dea... no, no, no, he didn't want that horrifying thought to even cross his mind.

He wanted, no, he needed to go find her, he had to be with her, but he didn't have any metho...

Magic.

He almost wanted to slap himself. He was a f*cking wizard and had access to magic. It was his only hope to find her. The only question now was…

'How?'

He didn't have any idea, any magic to find her; not even any fan-fiction he'd read had the mention of such magic, well, except divination, that he could try.

And, he wouldn't suddenly find himself to be a seer, right?

He stopped to consider that. That might be a viable solution to his current problems, maybe, even a powerful tool for the future. But,…

…Nah. It couldn't be. No plot armor for him. If he'd had the 'third eye', then he would have triggered it at least once by now.

Even if he did have it, he didn't know how to trigger it.

He resumed pacing back and forth, with increased pace than before, in his continued state of anxious contemplation. His mind went into overdrive, fine combing through every detail that he could remember, any knowledge that could possibly help him in his current situation. Possibly, due to stress, he was working more efficiently than he ever did through the last two weeks.

After a few minutes, he finally found his answer.

'Emotions'

Magic worked with emotions too; the Patronus, the killing curse, and even accidental magic were an example of that. Arguable as it is, apparently Lily Potter's love had saved Harry from the killing curse. Also, as he'd recalled a fortnight ago, Harry Potter's anxiety and fear of getting bullied had apparated him to the locked, and therefore, isolated school building's roof in a bout of accidental magic.

Regardless of the reasons, he was anxious and fearful too. So, if he let his emotions, that he'd been holding at bay, burst out, and forcefully trigger accidental magic, then, taking into consideration the cause for his emotions, Sarah, the thought of magic providing him with an answer shouldn't be too farfetched, right?

He could at least try.

His rational side seemed to tell him to consider the possible consequences of his actions, to find another safer method, but as his emotion had already told it to sod off to some remote corner of his mind; the voice seemed too quiet for him to pay any attention.

After all, insanity had become somewhat companionable over the last few years.

So, he prepared himself for the most insane act he'd ever performed and let the metaphorical dam holding back his emotions burst. He held nothing back. Furthermore, to add to his already strong emotions, he replayed the virtual documentary he abhorred a few minutes ago and let his imagination run its course.

Magic coursed through him once again, enveloping him within itself and…

He disappeared with a soft crack.

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Sarah walked tiredly along the road that leads to her home.

She was already late by a few hours and wanted to reach home as quickly as possible. She would've been brisker if not for the bags she was carrying that were holding her back.

'Ugh! I didn't really mean it today…'

When she'd lied to Alex about visiting her acquaintances as an excuse, the thought she would really run into one of her college acquaintance hadn't even crossed her mind.

But, she had just run into her college acquaintance, Maria, at a random London street, and had been forced to spend about two hours talking, or more accurately, listening to her while sitting in a café nearby. She'd initially assumed that it would only be a matter of a half-hour at most, but, much to her annoyance, Maria had turned out to be one of those gossipy types, and had stretched the one-sided conversation to well over the two-hour mark.

Now that she thought about it while her feet still took her forward, perhaps, that is the reason why she didn't move past the point of acquaintance with Maria? Not that she had a problem with the gossipy types, but such people didn't sit well with her more reserved, less outgoing nature.

Unless it was with children, she preferred a more intellectual, even if short conversation than continuous rambling about topics that she held no interest in. But, people don't always get what they wished for, right?

So, the conversation that she had politely agreed for turned out to be her 'mistake of the week'. It had begun with simple greetings and some recollection and that was the only part of it that she'd taken interest in. From then on, Maria just delved into her current lifestyle and began rambling on and on and on…

She had wanted to tune out the conversation after an hour into it, and she would've if not for the impoliteness of the action, so, she just responded minimally to anything that was asked of her and gave dull acknowledgements whenever required. She had been hoping that Maria might pick up her disinterest and put an end to the conservation herself.

Maria, like many others she knew, hadn't been one for subtlety, or she had just downright ignored her; Sarah didn't know, but it had taken another hour for the conversation to end, and another few minutes to say goodbyes.

It had really been a 'good' bye.

At the end of it all though, Sarah had been left hoping that she wouldn't have any such encounters with Maria anytime in the future.

She was still praying for it as she neared a familiar boundary wall and the English Oak tree growing in the lawn at the orphanage. Having her destination, her home in her sight, she regained some of her energy and began walking a little more quickly than she was a while ago.

Reaching the simple metal gate, she somehow opened the hatch lock with her hands still holding the bags and made it into the orphanage grounds. Just as she moved past the grass lawn, towards the building, a sudden sound from behind startled her.

She turned back instinctively, only to see Alex standing there, seemingly a little disoriented, and looking around in surprise.

'What now?'

She thought with some annoyance. She had burned a lot of her patience in that long, arduous, and one-sided conversation with Maria and didn't even have enough energy to contemplate anything else for the day. Still, she didn't let any of her annoyance seep into her voice and regarded Alex with her usual, even if somewhat tired, voice.

"Why were you hiding, Alex? Wanted to surprise me?"

He seemed to snap out of his daze and faced her. The next moment she found herself enveloped in a tight, almost desperate hug. She felt somewhat confused about it until she remembered...

'Of course, he would've been worried…'

She was two hours late, after all. Furthermore, she'd gone to a place he feared for some reason but didn't want to tell her. Honestly, she was getting a little annoyed at that too and her tiredness just made the situation even more unbearable for her. But, annoyance would get her nowhere, especially when it comes to children.

Also, she still felt a touched at the gesture and wanted to hug him back, but…

"At least let me put the bags down, Alex."

That had made Alex release her from the hug. Then, without saying a word, he just took one of the bags from her and pulled her by her now free hand towards the building's door.

On their way there, Sarah recalled the sound she had heard and asked Alex about it in a concerned, but still tired tone.

"Are you feeling well?"

Upon receiving a confused look in response, she clarified.

"I mean, is your stomach feeling fine? Your fart a while ago was rather loud."

'Excessive gas due to changed eating habits maybe? Or just plain indigestion?'

"Huh?"

That was the entirety of Alex's response.

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He had made a mountain out of a molehill.

Again.

It was after dinner that Alex sat on his bed and regarded his actions throughout the day.

He'd gone from anxiety in the morning to somewhat forced optimism in the afternoon and ended his day at a high note with an act of insanity.

He didn't regret any of it.

He knew he should've stayed optimistic; Sarah's safe return was enough to prove that, but he still couldn't get the 'What if?'s out of his mind. He'd become paranoid after he discovered the nature of the world he'd reincarnated in, and he'd begun worrying excessively. Probably, he'd worried more in the last two weeks than the rest of all the last five years combined.

But, if, in his paranoia, he saved someone, then it would be all worth it.

Therefore, he decided that by hook or by crook, he would get Sarah to take him with her the next time. If she still didn't agree, then he would stalk her if he had too. With magic being there to aid him, it would be a walk in the park.

Wait…

Stalk…her…?

Stalker?

.

.

.

Well, at least a well-intentioned one.

Better be a stalker than regret forever.

'…The pun was much better.'

He concluded with a shrug and started his nightly meditative session.