Early childhood in religious seminary.

I lived in a religious seminary which was located in south Punjab ,Pakistan. my father got me admitted to this seminary, as he believed his son would prevail Islam all around the glob Wich was the sole responsibly of a Muslim. since he was under the influence of Talibans and haifz Saeed. it was 1996 when Taliban came to power through jihad in Afghanistan and Hafiz Saeed was active on eastern front against India. the victory of afghan Taliban was celebrated among us as the victory of Islam across the glob. we were taught that there was nothing such as borders in Islam. the whole Islamic world was without borders, we must celebrate the victory of the angels of God over the American puppet. cakes were slices, fresh juices were served among the participants, slogans were raised"aljihad, aljihad". this is how we were indoctrinated with the concept of jihhad. I was hardly eight years old when all that was happening in the outskirt of the south Punjab. we were told about the importance of complete subjugation before the God and the religious teachers. those teachers inculcated in us a deep sense of jihhad and told us to be the warrior of God. The role of my father as a teacher is pertinent to mention here. He always preferred dictation over dialogues, his Sufism always lead him to believe that TV was an un-islamic invention, having soft corner for Australian and south African cricket team was un-islamic and it was severely punishable. it was a cricket match of world cup 1999 My brother was beaten black and blue for supporting south African team. anything which reminded him for infidels was unacceptable, obnoxious and filthy. why do these Muslim go to pilgrimage by airplane which was invented by infidels? he then burst upon the right brothers, and reviled them both for hours. "it is the folly of Muslims that they could not invent anything like airplane," retorted I with seriousness. my father has always been vocal of Talibanization and enforcement of Islamic rules in Pakistan. he usually supported the astringent measure taken against females in Afghanistan, hijjab, curb on movement, closure of massage centers, films industry, DVd shops and schools. when a school was blown down in Afghanistan he appreciated the Talibans for propagating the Islamic values. invasion of America took a new turn, demonstrations, sit in and violence everywhere terrified us. mullah Umer, Osama bin laden hailed as heroes of the Muslim world. he one day delivered me a lecture on" lions of Allah" according to him mullah omer and Osama were the lion of Allah. they were fighting against Taghoot(saitan) we all would be answerable to God for not helping them. he than repeated the couplet of Iqbal" the lions of God are not cunning, they fight bravely and don't hoodwink. he was such an arrogant and strict even a legal question fell on his ears like a bomb. we starts beating us scolding us and threaten us to keep our mouths shut. there was no freedom of expression in Islam, Islam was derived from a word tasleem which meant a complete subjugation without ifs and buts. all these circumstances brought about irreparable damages to my sense of security. it came out of a stifling environment where a father couldn't bear his sons. this insecurity prevailed and become more grave, sometime we believed that he would kill us for the fear of being un-islamic.

one day I realized the reality of being implanted with more strict version of religion. it was probably his own perception rather than the real explanation and dogmas. I repeatedly implored him to allow me worldly education but he declined with a reason. according to him, worldly education was based on the principles of lord machaley which was anti-islamic. to him,worldly education urges his follower to challenge the existing system, if he allows me to go to the school it was as if he adds me to the lot of dissidents. my anger and insecurity grew over the night I had decided to give up everything for school. I went to the school without any prior permission because I had stained every nerve to ask for his permission but in vain. when I returned to seminary a thick batten was ready, my father started investigation the only wrong that I perpetrated was going to school. he called for four students they hold me from my hands and legs. I was beaten that I could,t eat and sleep for forty eight hours. however, one thing that I had heard from one of my friends, when someone beats us for the same reason his energy drains out. one should be determined to continue for the good cause regardless of difficulties and impediments. . when I came back from the school next day he could only beat me with his shoes, and the gravity of punishment become weaker over the time. the extreme version of jihhad became softer at school. the teacher told us about the importance of self struggle, fighting the inner self and eradicate the evils from yourself was the core essence of jihhad. being naive children we were extremely confused and perplexed over the different explanation to the same thing. we were accompanied with some Christian friends at school, our teacher stressed upon the importance of peaceful coexistence which was the core value of Islam and the constitution of Pakistan 1973. my grooming started with the admixture of opposite version of Islam. it has become completely changed from seminary to school. madarssa teachers were badly under paid, my father was one of them. whatever was the reason he one day decided not to bear my expenses and left me in abject poverty.

I was in the elementary stage, suspecting the danger I left the seminary for school. I went to the city nearby and spent the whole night on the street. the new dawn brought to me a dark black person with glasses. he seemed to be a person from the law enforcement agency, a man with the serious deportment and red eyes was either a policeman or a target killer. he came to me and asked me the reason of sleeping at the corner of the street I told him the reason. he asked me to sit behind him on the bike, and brought me to his house. his house was an old shabby and incommodious building thousand year old. he pointed me to sleep under the shady tree in his house. when I got up he asked me to wash the pots for making tea this service continued for many days. the price of living in his house as a servant was so high that I could hardly pay. the man was an expert he held me in hostage such that neither I could raise any objection not could I abandon his house. as, it was the only option that was left to me...as I needed a shelter so I had to live there to fulfill my dreams.

although I was healthy yet he over burdened me and assigned me to work in the sweltering heat. those were the days ,when the temperature of Punjab was over forty seven degree centigrade. he sent me to his land on a bicycle, I worked hard the whole day. when I came back my joints were hurting, my eyes were pinching me and my throat was soring. as I could,t not eat anything hard like bread I though of an energy drink, but where to get the money. the whole family enjoyed dinner, none of them asked me. not a single member came to me and enquired of my health.my ailment prolonged for three days i could not manage money to eat and drink. I only drank water and took a packet of biscuits from a friend. I keep on eating the biscuit for two days. that night I had decided to eliminate the worst circumstances and I took admission at school. the police man was very cruel he always intimidated me and found fault with my task. I was given the responsibility to prepare meal for his drivers and family members. I accepted the responsibility as I knew it was a storm which would followed by a calm. on the one hand I embraced the responsibility of cooking on the other hand I got admission in a school. the principal was very kind and humble man. since I could not afford the expenses of school he allowed me to study free of cost. one day the accountant came to our class room and enquired about the fee, I hid myself behind the desk. he then summoned me to his office and told me that they were advised by the principal not to ask the under privileged students. My father, however, did not contact for a very long time untill the time he read a news paper where my first position in city was mentioned. the father has now probably realized that worldly education was necessary for the betterment. he celebrated my success with happiness on his face.

a decade back the situation of my village was very dire. people were trying to move out of poverty. stewards, washerman, tenants, woodcutter were making their headways to earn bread and butters. My mother, working in the crops on daily wages , was bitten by a snake. we could Neither brought her to hospital not could afford any medicine. snake was such a poisonous as my mother lost her senses in hours. we borrowed some money and brought her to the hospital money was barely enough to pay to the doctor. the doctor had asked us to arrange some money. I sold my shoes, books and a sheep to pay to the doctor. she survived the ordeal. I in my early childhood took the responsibilities of every nature. even the hardest problem is now become very easy to handle. from the troublesome childhood emerged a man who is writing to you his real story.