Scared

Toki attacked Jack with 100 questions, feeling worried. But Dustin was smart enough to realize the best thing to do right now was give him some space. He took Toki and Hana out as Jack sat down in the room alone for a bit. Why did he end up crying? He didn't even realize how long he had been lost in his thoughts and memories. Honestly, thinking about the past had never affected him this much. Maybe it was due to the sudden mess of the world that his mental state wasn't doing well. 

He put his head on the table as he closed his eyes and just tried to get some rest. As he did drift off into his thoughts, he found himself in one of the memories, which he didn't like to think about at all. After his dad left, his mom just turned to alcohol and gambling, trying to cope with the loss in that way. Of course it didn't work; she wouldn't feel the pain in her heart. Jack understands that now, but back then? He was mad. He was mad at his dad for leaving, and he was mad at his mom for becoming like this. He often blamed himself feeling as if only if he wasn't born everything would be better for everyone. Thoughts that normal kids should not go through at that age. 

Sometimes his mom would be so drunk, she'd grab the belt and just start beating him. He tried to hide, run, or do whatever he could. It hurt a lot when she did; she often, if not every day, told him it was his fault, and maybe at some point he ended up accepting that. Maybe it was his fault, and maybe he was the reason everything fell apart.

The current jack, who was standing in the same corridor, saw the little jack sobbing in the corner of the room while his mom was passed out on the bed, the bottle she was drinking from still near her. The old jack sighed and looked at the picture on the wall. 

He was a kid and didn't know any better; he remembered making the smallest mistakes and being beaten. He remembered that time.

The scene in front of Jack's eyes shifted to a different one. Jack, while coming back home, found a little puppy. He really wanted to keep it, but his mom wouldn't let him. The puppy was alone; it was scared and lonely. It was just like him. 

His mom didn't let him keep it, and a few days later, the puppy died of the cold living in the streets. Jack still remembered seeing its dead body as his mom made a disgusted face looking at it, almost the same face she made looking at him. The older Jack just looked at the scene of the little Jack crying and sighed. At that point, he blamed himself; he didn't know any better, but he knew now it wasn't his fault. He didn't blame himself anymore.

"Are you sure?" He heard a voice, and as he looked in the direction, he saw little Jack holding the dead puppy in his arms. "You know you still blame yourself." 

Old Jack sighed and only nodded. "Yeah, I would at least like to deny it, though. Accepting it makes me feel weaker," older Jack said with a light chuckle as he got on his knees and patted little Jack on the head. "I know you're scared—scared to be attached to stuff or scared to even fail since failing means it will hurt again. That's why we don't give up. No matter how much trying and struggling hurts, It will always hurt less than when we fail. And we won't fail as long as we keep trying. Gramps was right; humans should be greedy, and if being greedy keeps us safe, that's fine. Never get attached to something because when you do lose, it will hurt a lot, just like failing. As long as we avoid it," he said as he looked at the little man who finished his sentence. "Will we be safe?" Jack nodded as he patted the head of the little kid. "It doesn't matter if it was our fault or not; just make sure it doesn't happen again." Little Jack nodded as Old Jack sighed, and the world around him crumbled while he was woken up.