A Vampire and a Hunter Walk Into a Bar

Damon squinted at the kid and then glanced down at the boy's arm, gripping his wrist, and the bracelet dangling on it.

"Wasn't sure if you had to be wearing it or ingest it, so I've been doing both." Stiles wriggled his wrist in the vampire's grasp.

"Where did you get it?" Jeremy stood from his stool and moved closer to the boy as Damon dropped the arm like it had offended him.

"You can get anything online, dude. The minute I found out - vampires," he whispered, leaning forward for effect, "were in town, well, first I spent a good half an hour freaking out that you're real - but then I dove nose deep into the bestiary - and Google. Ordered vervain that same day. And quite possibly some wooden stakes."

"You ordered wooden stakes online?" Jeremy choked on a laugh.

"Amazon. Two-day shipping, my friend. And I was practically on house arrest so it wasn't like I could go out to the preserve and widdle some. And I didn't feel like pulling a Buffy and just breaking apart the kitchen chairs."

"You do know we're the good guys, right?" Jeremy grinned.

"I also know how many 'animal attacks' have occurred in your little hometown of Mystic Falls - super creepy and subtle name by the way - and that number is way more than ours. Better safe than sorry, right?"

"Wait - Stiles. You're Scott's friend," Jeremy nodded.

"Loose term," Stiles mumbled into his second glass before finishing it.

"Well aren't you the little engine that could," Damon slapped Stiles on the back. "Another!"

"Hang on, Thor. I can't afford another. This is top shelf."

"Don't sweat it," Damon waved a hand. "I'm buying. Or, compelling. Oh, and I'm the only one who does nicknames."

"Not anymore." He lifted his glass. "And thanks."

"So spill, what's got the Sheriff's underage son trying to blackmail bartenders?"

"Damon -"

"What? So far, all I've had for company every night is you and Blondie. I'm bored. He already seems only half as annoying as the rest of the Brady Wolf Bunch."

"Thanks?" Stiles squinted, cocking his head.

"Alright, so let's hear it. And, try to keep in mind that my girlfriend is missing, possibly in peril, and I have a bit of a temper problem, which has been known to, in the past, spark some nasty binge drinking from something a lot better than the top shelf, if you catch what I'm throwing, and you're now officially my new distraction. So - no pressure ."

"Are - are you being serious? Is he being serious?"

"He's not going to hurt anyone," Jeremy crossed his arms.

"But it's a usual thing? You get angry and people just - what? - get dead?"

"Hey, that's all in the past." Damon patted him on the shoulder.

"How far in the past? Like 100 years ago? Yesterday? Time must mean pretty little to you guys."

"I'm working on it, okay? See? Got myself a big bad hunter sponsor right here." He clapped Jeremy on the back. "You run with wolves, kid."

"Yeah, but they don't kill people. I mean, Peter did, but he was evil. And Jackson did - but he was sort of a giant lizard monster at the time who was being controlled. And Derek killed Peter, but, again Peter equals evil, and the guy even came back to life so does that really count?"

"Trust me," Jeremy rubbed his neck and glared sideways at Damon, "it counts."

"Are all vampires killers?"

"Why do you care?" Damon rolled his eyes.

"I don't know, maybe because I'm sitting right next to one? Maybe because I don't think people should just be killed because you're angry or hungry. Maybe because the Sheriff is my father and I was taught right and wrong. Maybe 'cause Scott, Scott who is always trying to save everyone, is spending his time with killers instead of me. Who is trusting vampires, who possibly kill people when they're bored in a bar, instead of me !"

Damon eyed the kid's empty glass, realizing he couldn't remember how many the bartender had poured. Jeremy glanced at the few people who had turned their heads at the outburst.

"And why wouldn't he?" Stiles reached for his glass as Damon pulled it away. "I'm just some human ."

"I think you've had enough," Jeremy approached the kid and then turned up his nose. "How much did you have to drink before you got here?"

"How much was left in my dad's bottle?" Stiles laughed.

"Damon, why the hell were you buying some teenage stranger drinks when you had to have smelled it on him when he walked in?"

"Like I said," Damon shrugged, " bored ."

"Great. You're bored and now the Sheriff's son is yelling about vampires in a bar. Come on, we need to get you home."

Jeremy's hand came down on Stiles' shoulder and the kid reeled back, knocking over his stool.

"Don't touch me!"

"Everything alright over here?"

The trio turned as a bearded man leaned against the bar in the way of an old western film, casually placing himself in front of Stiles.

"Retired hunter," the man placed a hand on his hip, revealing the gun - and stake - under his jacket. "And I'd really like to not come out of retirement anytime soon."

Damon opened his mouth, his scathing retort interrupted as Stiles knocked over another barstool.

"Why are you here?"

"I was getting a drink. Why are you here, Stiles?"

"I was getting a drunk. Why are you here?"

"Go home, Stiles."

"Are you suggesting I drive and drink?"

"We can take him," Jeremy sighed.

"You're not going anywhere with him," the man directed the comment toward Damon.

"So who's gonna take me, then?" Stiles whirled around toward the man, stumbling. " You? You don't even like me. You've threatened me. And my friends. And let's not forget about happy-basement-fun-time with your psycho dad, which - in case you didn't know 'cause you disappeared after that night and never came to visit or check on me since it was your dad who did it, but hey, who cares, I'm just Stiles, the breakable human - almost killed me. Actually, it did kill me. For like a minute. Heart just stopped." Stiles held his palm flat in the air and sliced it, mimicking a flatline, noise and all. "Leas' that's what they tell me. I was busy being dead-not-dead to notice."

"I didn't know Gerard had taken you." Chris lowered his head.

"You knew he had Erica and Boyd. Or did you take them?"

"I let them go ." Chris straightened.

" After kidnapping and electro-torturing them!"

"I gave up that life because of what happened. With Kate. Gerard. My wife - Allison. That world - their world," he gestured toward the vampire, "decimated mine. So I'm staying away from it. I suggest you do the same, Stiles."

"Is that a threat?" Stiles laughed, tipping sideways.

"A friendly warning." Chris was straight-faced.

"Why? Because I'm human? Because I can't keep myself safe in a world of werewolves and vampires and kanimas and 90-year-old grandpas?"

Chris stared down at the kid for a long moment, a frown fermenting his face.

"Gerard was a trained hunter since childhood, Stiles. You -"

"I what? I froze - that's what! Running from giant lizards and guys with bad facial hair and claws, sure. But some old man with arthritic fists and steel-toed boots? I just laid there like a dog - no, like a human, and let him almost kill me. And - and what? Just to send a message. Not 'cause I'm important or anything."

"Stiles," Chris moved toward the kid, eyeing their audience. "You need to calm down."

"No!" Stiles shoved his arms out at the older man, the lights in the bar sparking as Chris stood firm.

The hunter's eyes narrowed on the teenager as a few bulbs burst. There was another flicker and this time when Chris blinked back at the brightness, Stiles was gone.

A/N: Don't lie - who didn't want to see some Damon & Stiles interaction? Also - what happened with the lights...