91. Chapter 91

After Nikki Heat, Again

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Really? No. Rating: K+ Time: See above.

Author's note: Chapter 24 in this series is also an After Nikki Heat. This is sort of a mirror image of that story.

Kate Beckett was happy that the Stacey Collins case was over and that Natalie Rhodes was finally out of her hair. All's well that ends well. She thought. It was a little creepy having a clone of myself hanging around the precinct, but in the end, she got Scott Donner to put down the gun and not kill himself. Now the conversation about Castle was very creepy. He's into me? Yeah, Right. Beckett shook her head. No, I'm being unfair to Castle. He is into me. He likes being my partner and he likes being my friend. If I'd let him, he'd be more. He'd be my lover, I'm sure of that, and on one level that'd be fine, for a while. But Castle is not what I'm looking for. If I'm ever going to find someone it'll be Josh, or someone like him. It'll never be Castle.

Hell, Natalie was right about one thing. I do have feelings for Castle. Feelings that I absolutely have to keep under control. I cannot allow myself to love a man who'll only break my heart in the end. It would be as bad as when mom was murdered. Kate froze. Oh my god! Where did that come from? Nothing, nothing would ever be as bad as losing mom. Losing ten Castles wouldn't be as bad. How could I possibly even think that…

A sharp knocking at her door broke her train of thought. "Who the hell is that?" She went to the door and found Natalie Rhodes waiting.

"Hi, Kate." She said breezily, walking by Beckett and into her apartment. "I hope you don't mind, but the more I think about it, the more I need to get deeper inside of Nikki Heat."

"Natalie, it's been a long night…" Kate began.

"So, why won't you sleep with Castle?"

"What?" Kate said, starting to lose her temper. "You came here to ask about my private life? And how the hell did you get my address? Was it Castle? I'll kill him! I swear…"

"It was Kevin Ryan." Natalie said with a grin, flipping her hair behind her ear. "I ran into him and his girlfriend…Oops, fiancé, in the parking lot. Don't blame him, Kate. He was so dopey over his engagement, that I could have asked for his badge, gun and car keys and he would have handed them over." She quickly changed the subject. "So, why won't you sleep with Castle?"

Kate took several deep breaths and strode over to Natalie, suddenly regretting that she'd taken her four inch heels off. "You do realize that I'm a real police officer? And that you are not welcome in my home? And that if you don't leave, I can have a blue and white here in minutes and have you in a holding cell?"

Natalie smiled. "Great. That works on several levels. One, the arrest of the fictional Nikki Heat by the real Nikki Heat would make all the papers. And I can honestly say that when you arrested me we were arguing about Richard Castle and who he sleeps with."

Kate began to turn red and balled her fists by her side. "Who he…sleeps…." She was choking on the words.

Natalie nodded and smiled. "And I should spend some time in a holding cell. It would give me a whole new perspective on the kinds of people I deal with every day."

"That you deal with?" Beckett shouted. "You do not deal with those people, I do!"

Natalie nodded and frowned. "Technically, you're probably right, but you've never dealt with the producers of a direct to DVD movie. Talk about the scum of the Earth. But getting back to why I'm here…"

"You are leaving!" Beckett shouted, grabbing her arm. Natalie didn't move.

"This won't look good on Page Six, you know."

Kate released her arm. "My personal life is none of your business." She said as coldly as she could.

"True, but this personal life of yours will be on the silver screen. How do you want yourself, and remember that everyone out there thinks you're the real Nikki Heat, to be shown? As you really are, or as I might guess you are. Now, I know Castle is absolutely nuts about you. In fact, he's obviously in love with you, so the problem is with you. So what is it? I swear to you, I'll never tell a soul." Natalie looked as appealing and as secretive as she could.

Kate was shocked when Natalie said that Castle was in love with her. Could he have actually told her that? "Did Castle say that to you? That he loves me?"

"No, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't. Remember, I specialize in getting inside of people's heads. I did a good job on you, right? And Castle is a lot easier. I had his books to study, too. So, give, Beckett. Why won't you admit you have feelings for Castle?"

Kate stared at Natalie, trying to organize her thoughts. Natalie wasn't going to leave until she got an answer from Kate. Kate would just have to tell her as much as she could and still keep her dignity intact. "Okay, I do have feelings for Castle. He's my partner, as odd as it is for a detective to be partnered with a crime novelist. But he is the best partner I've ever had. He's also a friend. He's a lot of other things as well. Some good, some bad. He's a great father and a great son. His family means the world to him."

"This is so cool. Go on!" Natalie gushed.

"But there's another side to Castle. He's a playboy. He's been married twice and divorced twice, and I know that he's slept with both of his ex-wives and…I don't know how many other women since I've met him. I'm not looking for a good time, a fling, a one night stand or anything else that Castle might want. I want a husband, a family and I want it to last forever. That's not Richard Castle."

"This is great. So these feelings you have for Castle, you suppress because you want more than he's willing to give. So, how do you know he's not willing to be your husband and all that? Have you talked with him about this? Who asked first? I'll bet it was him! Did he come on to you? Suggest that you get together? Tell me!"

Kate was getting a bit embarrassed about the conversation. "No. We've never talked about…feelings."

"Never?" Natalie was shocked. "But then how do you know? How do you know that Castle isn't looking for what you want?"

Kate was starting to get angry again. "Because I've known Castle for just short of two years. I know him and I know him better than you do. Now, I've answered your questions. I'm tired and I'd like to go to bed. Will you please leave?"

Natalie nodded and smiled at Kate. "Sure, but one thing. You know that I know things about you that you didn't know?" She flipped her hair behind her ear. "Castle is looking for a lot more than a good time with you. You should really talk to him. You two would be great together." Natalie headed for the door. As she left she said over her shoulder, "Think about it."

Kate made sure the door was locked. What the hell was I thinking of? I am not…She stopped and shook her head sadly. I am trying as hard as I can not to fall in love with Castle, but it's getting harder and harder. Maybe when Josh and I…She stopped. She wasn't sure about Josh, either.

Natalie Rhodes stood outside of Beckett's building, looking up. "Dammit, Kate!" She whispered into the night, "You two are in love! It not only makes a much better movie, you'll have a much better life."