899. Chapter 899

After Once Upon a Time in the West

Episode 7.07

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Me, own Castle? Smile when you say that, stranger. Rating: K Time: See above

The saloon owner cursed and looked at the driver of the hearse. "Dammit, George, just because Old Charlie was an Indian is no reason not to bury him on Boot Hill. Everybody up there was a sight worse than Old Charley and I doubt any of them would mind."

The hearse driver nodded. "That's true, but folks in this town won't have it. It isn't worth my life to drive up there." He headed out through the swinging doors.

"I'll give you a ten dollar gold piece to drive there." The saloon owner called, to no avail.

The offer of a ten dollar gold piece attracted the attention of a chestnut haired woman, dressed all in black who was lounging by the bar, drinking wine. "You offering ten dollars cash money?" She asked.

The saloon keeper nodded. "Old Charley worked for me for years. It's the least I can do. Ten dollars for you and anyone else who'll ride with you.

That caused a tall, lanky man to get up from a poker table where his luck had been bad. "Ten dollars? Sounds good to me."

He walked over and stood beside the black clad gunfighter. "By the way, the name's Rick."

"Kate." She replied.

As soon as they went through the swinging doors, gunfire erupted, followed by the slow clip clop of horses hooves headed to Boot Hill.

When Kate and Rick got back to the saloon, they found three women waiting for them. For some reason, Rick pulled out a pen and asked, "Who's first?"

"We're three poor farm girls who are being robbed every year by the bandido El PI down in Mexico. We need help. I'm Meredith, this is Gina and this is Jacinda. If you'll help us, we can pay you $44.37 in cash, seventeen subway tokens and almost four hundred pounds of recyclable cans."

Kate and Rick exchanged glances. "That's the best offer I've had so far." Kate said. Rick was about to make her another offer, but decided against it.

"How many people does this El Pi have?" Rick asked.

Meredith started counting on her fingers, then took off her shoes to finish counting, causing Rick and Kate to move away. "Nineteen and one little piggy who went to market." She finally said.

"We'll need some help." Rick said. "Luckily, I know a guy. Several actually."

The first man they went to see was playing cards at Miss Victoria's. He was a tall, well dressed African American gentleman who wore a wide brimmed US Army hat on his head.

"Major Montgomery?" Castle said.

Montgomery glared at Rick. He was playing cards, after all. Then Montgomery smiled and said, "Do you have any sevens, Kid?"

The Kid swore and handed over a seven. Montgomery laid down all his cards. He had won.

"Do you and your friend care to sit in?" Montgomery asked.

Rick shook his head and explained what he and Kate had been hired to do. "We could sure use you and that .50 caliber Sharps buffalo gun you carry."

"I've about taken all the money I can in this town, so I'd best be leaving. I'll go with you."

Before the three left, the Kid stood up. "I'd be honored to ride with you three."

Rick looked the Kid over. He wasn't impressed. The Kid was way too young for this. But he nodded and smiled. "Okay, I'll hold my hands apart and when I clap them, you draw and put your gun between my hands before they touch. Got that?"

"I don't think that can be done." The Kid said.

Rick turned to Kate and held out his hands, then as he clapped, she drew. Her Colt actually went past his hands and pointed at his head.

"I stand corrected." Said the Kid.

Rick held out his band and began to clap. As he did, the Kid kicked him between his legs and as he writhed in agony, shoved her pistol between his hands. "That doesn't seem a very adult way to pick a person to work with you. I'm Alexis the Kid, by the way."

Rick whimpered, so Kate introduced the two of them to the Kid.

"That's four." She said as they left.

Their next stop was a small mine outside of town where the Kevin "Dynamite" Ryan was working. He had been blowing up trains for the rebels in Mexico, but the Federales had chased him north of the border. Standing with him was a Mexican who was festooned with machetes and knives. As Rick and Kate and the rest rode into the mine, Ryan set off an explosion. When the dust settled, rocks fell from the heavens and spelled out, "Kevin Loves Jenny."

"You haven't lost your touch, I see." Rick said.

"Oi do what Oi can." Ryan replied. "Do ye have a job for me and me amigo Javi here?"

Rick looked at the shabby looking man standing next to Ryan. He saw plenty of knives and other blades, but no guns. "We'll be needing gunmen, I think. But I can use you."

Before Rick could say anything else, Javi began throwing knives with a speed and accuracy that was astounding. When he was done, the words "President Diaz Sucks" were spelled out in knives.

"Okay, that's six." Kate said.

"Make that seven." Called a voice.

Kate whirled around, recognizing the voice. "Harry Demming Unlucky? I heard you got your spurs caught together and couldn't get away from your last job and ended up in Yuma Prison. Or were you trying to sell kittens that turned out to be skunks? Oh, I know, you got drunk and challenged a saguaro cactus to a fist fight. Or was it a buffalo?"

"It was a mama grizzly bear and now that the divorce has come through, I'm ready. What is it, Kate? Aztec gold? The Lost Dutchman mine? The Peacock Boys treasure?" Unlucky got down off his horse. "I just know my luck is changing." With that, the horse kicked him in the head and Harry Demming Unlucky was no more.

"So, that's six." Rick said.

"I know someone." Kate said. "Follow me."

Rick knew he hated to see Kate go, but loved to watch her walk away.

The six rode to a small shack on the outskirts of town. Kate called, "Lanie? Are you there?"

A well dressed gunslinger came out. "And what do you want, Sweetie?"

"I need someone for a job in Mexico protecting some farm women. Can you come?"

"I'll need ten dollars to pay my rent, I fear."

Kate reached into her pocket and pulled out the ten she'd received for driving the hearse. "Ten dollars? You must be living high on the hog." She threw the gunwoman the ten dollar gold piece.

"I have the most stylish corner of the filthy storeroom out back. That, and one plate of beans. Ten dollars a day."

Rick nodded. "Things get expensive when you're on the run."

Kate smiled. "That's seven."

They rode through the burning deserts of Texas and across the Rio Grande to the burning deserts of Mexico. Finally they rode to just outside the little village of Santa Maria Magdalena la Puta. Meredith was waiting for them.

"You're in luck, El Pi and his men are celebrating. You can take them by surprise."

The seven dismounted and crept into the little Mexican village. They could hear sounds coming from the cantina. They slowly approached it and as they reached the front door, it suddenly opened. It was El Pi's right hand man, El Medico de Motocicleta. "Ooh! The colors. The colors." He said, staring straight ahead.

The seven rushed the cantina to find all of El Pi's men unconscious.

"They're stoned." Lanie said.

"What kind of farmers are you?" Kate demanded.

Meredith shrugged. "Peyote, pot, and whatever floats your boat."

"You could have run these clowns out of town all by yourselves. Why get us?"

Meredith wrinkled her nose. "They haven't bathed or washed their clothes in years. Do you really think we were going to touch them?"

"What do you want us to do?" Rick asked tiredly.

"Put them on their horses, take them to the edge of town and make the horses run."

Once the job was done, the seven looked back at the village.

"The woman was right." Rick said. "The farmers won. We lost. We'll always lose."

Kate smiled at him. "You coming, Castle?"

"Always."