826. Chapter 826

After Kick the Ballistics

Episode 4.04

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Jerry Tyson did not sell me Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

Chinatown Heat

By

Richard Castle

Ruggedly handsome, two time Pulitzer Prize winning investigative reporter, Jameson Rook strode into the 20th Precinct and walked straight to the precinct captain's office. Kissing his wife, Captain Nikki Heat, soundly, he whispered in her ear. "My contacts in Chinatown have some bad news."

"They're out of moo goo gai pan?" Nikki said, resting her head on his manly chest.

"Worse. They say that the sinister Dr. Scru Man Chew is back in town."

Nikki shook her lovely head, causing her chestnut hair to swirl around. "Rook, he's a myth, an urban legend."

Rook shook his lovely head, and his hair bounced in slow motion, as if he were running along a sandy beach to his true love. "No, Nikki. He's a walking contradiction, partly truth and partly fiction, but he's real. I'm going undercover to bring him to justice."

"Not without me you aren't." She said, her long locks….Well, they moved. Okay?

"You can't go where I'm going, Nikki. It's too dangerous. Someday you'll realize that I'm right. Soon and for the rest of your life."

"There's a Free French garrison at Brazzaville. With the letters of transit…." Nikki stopped suddenly. "Did you put something in my coffee?"

Rook gently helped her sit as her eyes slowly closed. He walked out to talk to Roach, as Detectives Raley and Ochoa were known. "We had kind of a long night last night." He said, grinning salaciously. "Let her sleep."

Both detectives nudged each other in the ribs and grinned. "Understood, stud." Ochoa said.

"Really?" Captain Kate Beckett said, sliding onto her husband's lap. "Rook puts something in Nikki's coffee and she starts spouting odd bits of dialog from Casablanca?"

"I could have her use quotes from To Have and to Have Not. " Rick said. "Although Hemingway said he hated the movie, I always thought it was better than the book."

Kate looked into his eyes. "If you want anything, just whistle. You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? Just put your lips together and… blow." Before Rick could even start to try to whistle, Kate was kissing him. As she did so, she turned on his lap and then began writing on his laptop.

Chinatown Heat

By

Kate Beckett Castle

Captain Nikki Heat was working undercover as a Russian waitress in an illegal mob run Monopoly game in Chinatown. Since she spoke perfect idiomatic Russian, Mandarin Chinese and Pig Latin, she was a natural for the job.

So far, Nikki had heard that the dreadful rumors that she had picked up through her network of informers were true. The sinister Dr. Scru Man Chu was in New York. Somewhere in Chinatown he was planning some nefarious crime. Something that would shake New York to its very core. And no one could stop this other than the beautiful, brilliant and dedicated Captain Nikki Heat.

Delivering food, Nikki leaned over a table, allowing half of the room a view of her perfect ass and the other half to look down the front of her dress and see her spectacular cleavage. As she expected, two of the men at the table passed out from the sheer ecstasy of the moment.

Shoving the two unconscious men aside, she sat. "Do you mind if I sit in, boys?" She asked using her Russian accent.

The men remaining at the table said something, but it was hard to decipher as their tongues were now on the floor. She took that as an invitation.

"We'd like to join in, too." Said a familiar voice.

She looked up to see Rook, dressed in his old double knit polyester leisure suit, complete with a pukka shell necklace, standing here with another man who was dressed in bell bottom jeans and Day-Glo orange tee shirt that read: KC and the Sunshine Band Rocks.

"We're not reporters." Rook said. "My friend and I are writers. This is my friend Conrad Alexander. He's sort of my mentee. Actually, he probably wouldn't have ever written anything worth reading without me. In fact, he probably wouldn't have made it through second grade…"

Conrad Alexander casually picked up a vodka bottle and broke it over Rook's head.

"I'll sit down now." Rook said and collapsed face first onto the table.

"Pass the dice." Nikki said coldly.

Instantly recognizing that the dice were loaded, Nikki expertly changed them for her own loaded dice and proceeded to put hotels on all of her properties, soon driving everyone but Alexander out of the game. Deliberately letting Alexander pass go and collect two hundred dollars to keep him in the game, her blood ran cold as she saw the tattoo of the Hong Kong Ping Pong, King Kong, Sing Song, Long Dong, Bong and Gong Tong on Alexander's wrist as he reached for the money.

Alexander smiled at her coldly.

"Alex Conrad? You do remember that I was jealous of all the attention he was paying to you?"

Kate nodded. "And I remember that it took me forever to get you to confess that you were jealous when it was obvious that you were jealous of every man I've ever known."

"And you were never jealous of any of the women I was with?"

"Point taken. But you have to admit that my version of Chinatown Heat is by far the better.

Castle reached for the laptop. "Let me show you how it's done."

Jameson Rook easily blended in with the multi ethnic crowd in modern Chinatown. He smoothly lied his way past the guards for the mob run Monopoly game and sat at the no limit table. Rook was a no limit kind of guy, after all. He was surprised to see what others without Rooks keen intellect would have missed. The Russian party girl sitting next to him, having been reduced to a single lot on Baltic Avenue and who had just landed in jail, was none other than his beloved wife, Nikki Heat. Thinking quickly, Rook pointed and yelled, "Look it's Miley Cyrus and she's naked." As the Russians turned to look, Rook moved seventy thousand dollars in Monopoly money in front of Nikki.

Before anyone could comment, a hush fell over the room as a mysterious stranger walked in. Rook instantly recognized him as his reportorial nemesis, Paul Whittaker and his bodyguard, Chad Hockney.

"So, we meet again, Rook. Taking a break from writing puff pieces about Justin Bieber, are we?"

Rooks eyes narrowed to mere slits. As Ennio Morricone's music played in the background Rook whispered, "Let's play."

The other players were soon driven out and as always, Rook was winning handily. Then, as Whittaker reached for another kale smoothie, Rook's blood ran cold. There on his wrist was the tattoo of the Heck's Cherub's Motorcycle Club: Committee to Liberate International Terrorism, and Organize Revolutionary International Savagery. CLITORIS for short.

Whittaker smiled as seventeen of his men pulled machine guns on Rook. "I'm afraid that you and the lovely Captain Heat must come with me."

"Paul Whittaker? I always knew you were hot for Ann Hastings and her leather costume." Kate said.

"Never. And I love you. I especially love you in the costume you were born in. But it's your turn." Castle handed her the laptop.

Alexander led Nikki to a secret underground bunker, buried deep under Manhattan.

"So, do you plan on turning me over to your boss, the sinister Dr. Scru Man Chew?" Nikki asked.

"You don't understand, do you, Heat. I'm Doctor Scru Man Chew."

"You?" Nikki said, the surprise clear in her voice. "But you're Caucasian."

"So? Warner Oland, a Norwegian, played Charlie Chan back in the thirties. Freaking Keanu Reeves plays a damned Samurai in The Forty Seven Ronin. John Wayne played Genghis freaking Khan. Linda Hunt played an Asian man in The Year of Living Dangerously. Yul Brynner, a freaking Russian played the King of Siam. Why can't I be Dr. Scru Man Chew?"

Nikki shrugged. "Okay by me, but you know I'll still have to arrest you."

Nikki was interrupted when Rook was dragged into the bunker and tossed at her feet.

"Now, my friends, I'll show you what I'm doing." Alexander opened a door and Nikki and Rook saw a huge printing plant, running full blast.

"You're counterfeiting money?" Rook said.

Alexander smiled and shook his head. "Better?"

"Counterfeit Jimmy Buffett concert tickets?" Nikki guessed.

"Even better. Look. "He handed them a small slip of paper. Nikki read it. "Send money to the Dr. Scru Man Chew Fund and great things will happen." She stared at Alexander. "What great things?"

"I'll get rich. That's wonderful for me." Alexander chortled.

"That's diabolical." Rook said, "It's sinister. It's…."

"Perfectly legal. "Nikki finished for him. "If people want to send him money, it's legal."

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do." Alexander said, laughing.

"Nikki, we can't let him get away with this, can we?"

Nikki shrugged. "Forget it, Rook. It's Chinatown."

Castle read her chapter. "I'm not too sure this is going where I wanted it to go. With either of our chapters."

"We could write one together." Kate suggested.

Chinatown Heat

By Richard and Kate Castle

After finishing their meal from the Dragon Dynasty restaurant, Nikki and Rook kissed. "I love you, Nikki."

"I love you, too, Rook."

And they lived happily ever after.